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I mean, there are literally multivitamin gummies at any decent grocery store. If you want a processed food snack that’s got vitamins that’s where I’d start.
My advice, being on the spectrum myself, would be to be open about the fact that they’re multivitamin gummies, ie don’t try to lie and present them as “desert”. But tell him you’d like to treat them as desert even though they aren’t so he can help get some vitamins.
Don't snack
Dried mango was big for us. We also supplement with Flintstones. There are also vitamin drops you can sneak into their food.
Also, eat something and casually tell him he can't have any. My kid (AuDHD with PDA) wants anything they can't have, especially when it's mine.
Jesus christ. My most powerful negative memories of being an autistic child were when communication between me and adults would devolve into manipulative tricks designed to help me.
I don't know your experience, but parents have the moral obligation to keep their kids safe and healthy. That sometimes requires that you get your kids to do things they don't want to do. You can either do this with manipulation or with force. There's no third option because kids don't have the proper coping mechanisms to suppress their emotions and do what they're required to do, even when they don't want to.
That isn't to say your parents did the right thing or that they were trying to keep you safe. I don't know you. Maybe they were abusive. My point is only that manipulation is often the better of two bad options.
While I'm autistic and have my own issues with food, we're all different and have our own lists of "safe" and "unsafe" foods, so I don't have any specific advice other than please, please don't listen to the people who want you to abuse your child by either forcing, or withholding food.
Post this in an autistic group if you want to hear how well that actually works (that's actually the best advice I can give in general - follow autistic people and spaces, listen to autistic adults who have been there and know what your child is going through, and, often with the opposite intent, the damage their parent or guardian or doctor or "therapist" did to their mental and general health and wellbeing because they were treated as "poorly behaved" neurotypicals, instead of the neurodiverse individuals that they (we) are).
E: even if it turns out they aren't autistic, forcing and/or withholding food is still just as shitty a thing to do.
+1 for talking to autistic adults. There’s no better source of information on what works and doesn’t work in autism.
Yes I agree with all of this!
Seconding this plea to ignore anyone telling you to force or withhold food. The whole “they’ll eat it when they’re hungry enough” may apply to many picky eaters, but if someone (kid or adult) eats an extremely limited or unusual diet like you’re describing in the comments, there is a good chance it may be ARFID. It’s an eating/feeding disorder that often goes along with autism or sensory processing disorders, but can be separate. Critically, the “tried and true” parenting strategies for breaking picky eaters will exacerbate the problem. Of course the answer also isn’t “let them eat McDonald’s all day and stop worrying,” but there are a lot of strategies for supporting someone (especially kids) to expand their list of safe foods in a low-risk high-reward way.
Like the commenter above me said, everyone who has/had ”issues with food” is going to have an entirely different list of what they can and can’t eat and a different set of strategies that worked or backfired for them. The only general advice I have that I think applies across the board is: lower the pressure. If someone only eats 2 or 5 or 10 things, every interaction with food is already very high stakes and takes up a lot of brain space. You’re probably not going to be able to make specific foods less scary, but you can make the environment safer. Never make an unsafe food the only option, don’t let them see how worried you are, don’t (like my mom did) tell them “scientists found that if you eat more than one hot dog a month you get cancer” or “if you don’t eat vegetables you’ll die before you turn 20.” And maybe counterintuitively, don’t act overly surprised or excited when they are curious about a new food, aren’t afraid of something, like a food now that they insisted they didn’t like, etc. Just go with it as a win for you both. Let them see that what happens when they can eat more food is just…they can eat more food. No drama. (Exception if they are already excited and you are following their lead.)
Resources like NEDA (in the like above) can point you toward some places to start and connect you with other parents and professionals who can offer more contextualized and specific advice. You might also look at the r/ARFID subreddit. It’s mostly adults supporting each other but there’s a lot of wisdom for concerned caregivers and loved ones as well.
Thank you! Yes, ARFID has been on my radar since learning one of my friends has it and I'm curious if my son has it as well. I've definitely been guilty of not hiding my excitement when he tries a new food, so that's a helpful note.
I'd say give some guidance and be a good example yourself. Maybe make up some well reasoned rules... McDonalds is okay every now and then if you also eat healthy food every now and then. Make sure he gets some fibers and vitamins and maybe you can get even a small kid to understand that there is a reason behind it. In the end I don't think you have to apply force... I've seen children grow up on mostly plain noodles, water and a few other things and they turned out alright. But also don't enable such behaviour. I think there are some rough rules of thumb... Like a kid needs to try something 6 to 15 times to like it (at all). Liking food is a lot about what we're accustomed to, and not just the taste. And the early time in life is important to develop a diverse palette. And the parents are an important role model, so if they don't have a wide spectrum of food, the kids are also very unlikely to get any different, no matter what you do. I'd say maybe read a (good) book on the subject. This is a fairly common problem with children. (And drinking just water is fine. I'm not sure if that applies to 3 year olds, but in general that's a healthy thing to do.)
If your kid is special, you might have to try a few things and see what works. But from looking at several specimen, I've come to think children are very individual anyways and there's often not one thing that applies to all of them. Some people have rules. Some make the food look good, maybe carve a crocodile out of a cucumber every now and then. You can manipulate a 3yo and serve them arbitrary food in McDonalds containers if it's just that. Or have them watch other kids or people and see what they do to give some inspiration...
He's 3 years old. He'll eat when he gets hungry enough. He has no income, he can't supplement his diet with McDs, just deny buying it. Sure you'll have some tantrums, but better that now than trying to deal with it later.
Parenting is not easy, it's hard work, and with that comes hard decisions, including putting up with temper tantrums for the greater good.
He'll eat when he gets hungry
You never were so focused on something that you forgot to eat all day?
He’ll eat when he gets hungry enough
Says every person who has no experience with or knowledge of autistic people yet thinks they know better...
Sorry, I must have missed where OP mentioned her son was autistic
What did you think this bit meant?
(He’s likely on the spectrum.)
I think that's an addition, since I fell for it as well.
A home, WebMD diagnosis is not clinical evidence
So the fuck what?
Diagnosing your child has autism from WebMD, and not going to get a professional evaluation is the same as calling yourself a car because you stood in a garage
Advising a parent to torture a child over food is piss poor advice to start with but when the parent has identified possible autism, you realise you know less than nothing and shut the fuck up.
That is the most smooth brain opinion ever. Telling your child they will be having something other than McDonald's for dinner is not torture, it's good parenting.
Freeze dried fruit. It makes fruit taste and crunch more like candy. My nephew goes crazy for freeze dried fruit. Blueberries, figs, mango, there's so many to try
Yes! Also dates are great and last for a while on the shelf. They're super sweet. Also raisins or trail mix. You can even make granola bars very easily with quick oats, peanut butter, honey or maple syrup, and trail mix. Sprinkle on a bit of salt for extra addictive.
Some crackers have whole grain versions that taste as good or better than their white flour versions. Goldfish and Cheez-its are the two that come to mind. This doesn’t make them “healthy”, but at least there’s some better fiber in there. Compare nutrition labels.
Also try veggie chips/sticks. Again, they’re not “healthy”, but… there’s some better stuff in them than normal junk food. They are junk food with a small amount of bonus nutrition.
Freeze-dried fruit is addicting, but expensive. Try it and/or dehydrated fruit. The latter is chewy while freeze-dried is crunchy and melts in your mouth.
You can also try making your own nuggets or tenders with whole-grain panko breadcrumbs, and seasoning. The trick is to make it better than McDonald’s, which is easy for an adult, but tricky for kids. I don’t know the magic sauce though.
One of the latest Splendid Table podcasts had a guest on to talk about cooking healthy for kids (or she just wrote a book about it, I didn’t listen yet.) It’s a great show. Check that out.
My local healthy grocer (for lack of a better name) has "potato" chips made with veggie based ingredients like lentil flour, garbanzo bean flour, etc. Same is true for pasta.
Also, from personal experience, get one of those rubber horse heads and make up an alter ego that talks about how much they looooove veggies and how carrots are their favorite food. You can have a friend or family member do it, but if "Veggie Vincent the Healthy Horse" shows up enough times and talks about all the healthy, delicious things we can eat to grow big and strong like him, it's a step in the right direction, not to mention fun for everyone involved. :D
I know you've thought of this, but encouraging you to try again. Ive found that kids will refuse something to eat and then come back to it later when they are actually hungry.
It may take a tantrum and crazy cry session, but with love and attention they can normalize and get back towards a more normal diet.
I get that kids have certain things they don't like, but for anyone whose kids only eat things that are deep fry brown, I think it's worth the short-term crisis to solve the long-term aggravation and health issues.
Edit: ok yeah I missed the potential autism part of question. Encourage other parents to stay strong with eating habits if that is not the case
That's not how autistic disordered eating works.
It may be spartan, but giving them a regular plate of homecooked dinner (with vegetables of course) and nothing else until they've finshed it, works most of the time. If not, they go to bed hungry which doesn't hurt them (it hurts your sleep though) if it doesn't happen every day. Like you said, they'll likely come around, but you have to out-patience them.
So, abuse the autistic child...
No, I guess I should've mentioned to not abuse your child this way. Just like a microwave manual mentions that you should not put your cat in a microwave.
Problem is, withholding food is abuse, period. You're telling someone who doesn't have the same neurological capacities you do to either starve or eat something they very likely have a visceral reaction to.
The other poster mentioned they missed the 'potentially autistic' part. While withholding food is abusive regardless,this for sure exacerbates the issues. I suspect you may have missed that part as well. It's okay, just have some humility to step back and say so. Or keep advocating for old school abusive parenting.
Quite the contrary. It's abusive to only feed your kids mcdonalds, because that's the only thing they want. You're telling someone who doesn't have the nerological capacities you do that they can decide whatever they want to eat.
My kids get a varied diet with all the nutrients they need. They can choose not to eat it, that's fine, but I'm not going to give them mcdonalds instead. Mcdonalds does not provide the same nutrients as a well balanced meal.
Sometimes I persuade them to "just eat a few bites" and than they can have desert as reward.
Sometimes we go to mcdonalds or some other fast food thing. But that's my choice, not theirs (mostly). And it's an occasional thing and a family event, like maybe once per month.
Maybe this approach doesn't work for neurodivergent kids, but I never claimed it did. If you have a neurodivergent kid, you should maybe look into other methods. I should add that I also don't know if this works for children of all ages, genders, races, handicaps, species, planets and dimensions. It works good enough for my kids and I'm taking that as a win.
Right. So maybe go back to the last paragraph, admit you probably missed the potential neurodivergency, and show some humility. Or double down and continue to offer bad advice.
No one here has said just let the kid eat what they want. Not OP, not me, not anyone else. We all want the kid to eat a better diet. That's literally the purpose of this thread.
The problem is that, for non-typical situations, typical solutions don't work. And, even for typical situations, starvation isn't the best option. We're trying to explore other possibilities, rather than the traditional ones, and being told "force the kid, you're the parent" is at best tone deaf.
I see were this is going wrong. The last sentence of OP's post says:
(He's likely on the spectrum)
That wasn't there yesterday.
It was. I haven't edited my post.
Can you get him to drink a chocolate milkshake?
Toddler milk formula. Call it "Milkshake powder" add full cream milk and chocolate syrup. Its a bit of a sugar hit but its an assload of calcium, iron, protein and vitamins.
My daughter is super picky too but she is getting better. https://www.goodfoodpartners.com.au/our-brands/messy-monkeys/ were one of our healthier options, as was popcorn.
We also switched to an iron enriched wholemeal bread. Wholemeal pasta as well even though she likes it with no sauce.
Took her from borderline anaemia to perfectly healthy.
So far no. He doesn't like ice cream, which is so wild to me!
Try him with a mcdonalds thickshake. If it comes in the cup from there... then you can do the cup trick.
Have you tried Lenny and Larry's complete cookies?
No I hadn't heard of those! I'll check them out