Ask Lemmy

Sitting down in a restaurant and hitting the table pole with my knee. I ALWAYS do that.

Mostly just old age gets me now, but as a child I was known for being accident prone (also called poor decision making). My two crowning glories would have to be:

1. Had a small toy basketball ring that I'd stuck to the full height windows in the lounge room. Stepped up on the window sill for the dunk (in socks) slipped and put my knee through the window - the glass only went in to my knee a few centimetres and I lucked out with only needing about 8 stitches.

2. My brother and I wanted to see how far we could stretch an old tennis trainer, literally a heavy weight attached by elastic to a tennis ball, turns out it was quite far. My brother let go of the tennis ball when I wasn't ready and it hit me square in the eye. That put me in hospital for a week or so with a detached retina, thankfully I was doing enough that it reattached itself, though wearing a patch for a few more weeks was not fun.

Put a large cup of tea on my bed. Cup quickly falls over and spills itself on my hand. Somehow get 2nd degree burns

I was opening a sterilizing toothbrush cover and sliced the tip of my finger from the plastic.

Normally that isnt something really to care about, but I play guitar and had a gig the next day.

Playing an acoustic steel string guitar for 45 minutes with a cut on the top of your finger fuckin sucks.

Used a chef's knife to open a beer bottle.

Opened my hand instead. Use tools for what they are made for, boys & girls.

Literally happened tonight, I was trying to break one of these chicken jerky treats for my dog by folding it over on itself and somehow smashed a finger inside the two halves when it snapped over.

I rolled over after falling asleep in my clothes and my jeans had gotten all turned around on me somehow so when I rolled over, I pulled the pants tighter and hurt my nuts.

I was helping take the trash out recently. The paradox of regular trashcans on wheels is this. If you have the wheels on the same side as the handle, the weight of the trash tries to push the can back down from the side. However, if you have the wheels on the opposite side than the handle, you need to pull it down highly irregularly. So here I am trying to hook the trash can to a wagon or cart for physical convenience, and like the weeble it was, it just flipped it over due to drag.

I wish someone could make giant trash hamster balls so you could just roll the trash down a driveway like a marble.

Used to work in a bagel shop. We have a big ass slicer, spinning blade you drop bagels into down a chute.

Every day we turn it off and wipe the chute. I wasn't thinking. Unplugged the machine, scooted it out, and began wiping down the chute inside, brushing down crumbs.

It's a fucking miracle my finger barely grazed the still spinning blade that hadn't come to a stop yet. Immediately recoiled my hand and just got a scratch from it, not that deep.

I was pissed at myself for not realizing the blade was still spinning. That shit could've been so much worse.

I tried carefully picking up a small knife right after getting my nails painted. Dropped the knife and slightly stabbed myself in the foot. Also flipped on some ice delivering a package , fell on my ass and sent my phone flying 10 feet in the air .

Broke apart my filling by biting into a steel fork.

Tried to do a little drop/jump while snowboarding. I hadn't been on a snowboard in a decade. Landed awkwardly and hyper extended my right wrist. Though I broke it. Seems to be fine but it still hurts like hell four days later.

Fell down ice skating like four days ago. Not the best skater!

Paper cut on a friggin fry cup at work.

This was a few days ago, I peeled my thumb knuckle with a potato peeler again

@toomanypancakes took the dog for a long long run, and clearly she'd had enough by the time we got back to the local park, so she clipped my heel and sent me flying before unapologetically sidling up to me as I nursed my wounds 😭

Not recent, but sneezing and holding it in. Threw my back so bad I couldn't walk for weeks. Ever since then, I'll let it rip -- into my elbow or a napkin.

A few months ago, saw a medical scan of someone with a big tear in their throat. The story claimed it was due to a held sneeze. Nowadays, you shouldn't believe anything on the internet, but after my own experience, I could see how it might happen.

Closing a stapler after refill.

Sleeping. Woke up one day to frozen shoulder. Two years of physio and it's still not right. Fucking aging. Being 50+ sucks arse.

Had my index finger too close to the center of the pliers when trying to destroy a hard object. All of the force tore a bunch of skin off.