now
this post was submitted on 26 Apr 2024
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Now. For the last decade, honestly.
Hey OP not sure what music you are into but this song might hit hard with you. Theres also a bit of a message from the artist at the end that i found to be worth listening to to whole video.
This may be uncomfortable for some, my apologies to anyone who would have preferred not to listen
A friend also sent me this a while ago. I usually listen to electronic music and hip hop, and can't really stand this type of singer songwriter music. However, this particular track really hit with the lyrics to the point I watched the video completely.
I’m not an nihilist, I’m the opposite of that. But facing my own mortality every second of life has hit me hard.
My sibling, You are not alone in living in constant terror of medical maladies that doctors have no interest in pursuing further than symptomatic treatment.
I am in the same boat. I have seen half a dozen doctors, all at great personal expense cause I dont have insurance, and been in the ER dozens times in the past 10 years.
and all I have is a handwave and "its probably anxiety". Sure, I have anxiety. I have anxiety cause my heart rates over 200 for no reason. because my chest feels like an elephants sitting on it. because it feels like a flaming fist has Kali-Ma'd its way into my chest and is squeezing down in my heart. The anxiety didnt cause that shit. That shit caused the anxiety.
As proven when they stick that big beautiful syringe of Ativan or other powerful anxiety med in my IV and I go off to no-fucks given land, yet all my symptoms stay. Just now I dont care anymore cause I'm floating on rainbows amidst femboy angels.
But hey, my cardiac enzymes are good, and my EKG is clean (despite the 200bpm) so it just must all be in my head.
I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and tachycardia as a skinny teenager, and I'm healthier than I've been since childhood now, in my late 30s. You're not automatically doomed!
I went thru 4 or 5 meds initially, and finally settled on a beta blocker, which i love because it has anti-anxiety effects. I was also on a second med for a long time, but my numbers are finally getting better as i get older.
I know it sounds lame, but yoga helps me so much. I haven't had an easy life, I'm queer and sorta lived in my car here and there, but yoga helps me feel less out-of-control.
OP you sound exactly like me at that age. I was diagnosed with kidney disease at 16 and got a transplant after one year of dialysis at age 27.
Things were amazing after that but now I've got terminal cancer at age 41.
Make the most of everything you've got while you still can.
Wow. You've been through it. I'm sorry.
Last time I felt helpless was a little less than a decade ago when I was in active heroin addiction. I knew I had a problem, I really wanted to quit, and I tried hard to quit... and I kept ignoring myself and using anyway.
I ended up finally succeeding in staying clean after like 5 or 6 relapses, with each clean period lasting longer than the previous. Now I've been clean for a little over 8 years.
I haven't felt powerless or helpless since.
Here's my advice. Put one foot in front of the other and walk forwards. Just take it a day at a time and worry about what's immediately in front of you.
Wow, that's hard. Great job!
Searching hypertension.. Wikipedia shows me this:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Essential_hypertension
However its safest to rule out any other causes https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secondary_hypertension
I'm in my 30s and feel completely hopeless right now. It comes and goes, I'll be great for a few years then everything collapses for a few. Right now I'm staring down an expensive major surgery, losing a series of very important people in my life, divorce, work burnout. Just got to take it as best you can and try to find some goals to point toward
My current hobbies include doing as many physical activities as I can to keep my mind off things, painting minis, and playing ukulele. Do what you can to have good sleeping habits. My sleep is garbage and it makes everything 10x harder. As always, don't forget to drink water
Seeing people around you partying, having gone through my own drugs and alcohol phase, it's not all that worth it really. At least for me at any rate. I was much happier after I got a better feel for what I actually wanted in life instead of trying to use alcohol to fit in. I was like 27-28 when I figured that out
Wow. That's a lot to deal with. I wish you the best possible outcome, in all events.
after I got a better feel for what I actually wanted in life instead of trying to use alcohol to fit in. I was like 27-28 when I figured that out.
I stayed to myself for two months, barely went out of my yard, or answered the phone to kick cigarettes. Of course what drinking and the occasional weed I did also went, to make kicking cigarettes easier. I went within, so so deep within. After going out into the world again, I realized: I don't need to fit in -- I certainly don't want to fit in, anymore.
Thank you, I'm slowly working through it. The surgery at least is a good thing even if it is having its way with my savings and the recovery is going to be wild. Been like two years of wait list, delays, prep, and it is coming together in about 6 weeks! After that all goes through I get to start un-fucking the rest of my life x.x
Aw, that's great and a great attitude. May you and your bank account have a speedy, full recovery. Maybe you'll let me know how you're doing, after, when you're well enough? I'm pulling for you.
practically everyday.
May your fortune turn in your favour soon
Thank you, and the same to you too, and each and everyone of us.
Hug
Thank you.
Welcome.
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