this post was submitted on 20 Apr 2024
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Asklemmy

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

My wife and I had this conversation the other day. Our kid is only two right now, but as we've learned, these milestones sneak up on you.

I used my own life as a guide to my opinion, and so landed on age eight or so. That's around the age I remember being able to go to the park or to a friend's house within the neighbourhood on my own.

Other questions about how much functionality the phone would have and how much access they would have to it at home are still to be determined.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (3 children)

Depends heavily on where you are (and customs around your community)

For me, my parents gave me a smartphone when I was going to college, I kid you not.

Yes, I wished I had it sooner, but I turned out ok. Glad they didn't tho. social media additions and withdrawals are real.

Edit: If I get corned with smarty-pants about this, [email protected]'s tactic is the way to go.

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

Four kids, smartphone distribution from top to bottom was about 15, 14, 14, 12. It was all of course dependent on the age of the kid and the ability to cope with the immense wealth of bullshit you get from having a smartphone.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

Apple Watch with a cellular calling plan when he started walking to school by himself, at age 8. No need for a proper phone for a while.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

Saw this in the news in my country just recently. Like, middle school would be appropriate, with property parental controls. I think that is what was said.

[–] [email protected] 103 points 8 months ago (6 children)

Before I wanted them to have a phone, I got a second d phone. It was my phone, not my kids phone. I would let my child take it when they went for a ride, or stayed over with a friend, or whatever. But it was my phone. If I had to take it off them, I wasn’t taking their phone, I was taking my phone. The difference is important. It also gave them a chance to learn appropriate use, and normalised me being in control of it. By age 10-11 the phone was basically theirs, in their hands, but the control is still mine. So my advice is don’t give the phone to your child, especially it as a present. It’s more difficult to take something of theirs away, but if they borrow something of yours, it’s much easier.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 8 months ago (1 children)

This is the way to go. I don't have kids, but it's how my sisters went about it. For the longest time if my nephew wanted to call and talk to me, the number would ring up as my sister's number, because not only was it a spare phone, but it was dually connected with her number (not sure how tbh, she worked for a carrier for a long time).

It's just hard to find that thin line between allowing them to have something or have them be behind all their friends who do have access to one.

My policy would probably be worse, tbh. I'd toss them an old Nokia and be like, "Legends say it'll take the force of an 18 wheeler and a flood and still work." For context, I had a friend who ran his over 3 times with his dad's mack truck, reducing it to just a screen and PCB which he used as his phone at school. Then I watched him accidentally drop and fully submerge said screen and PCB into a half foot deep puddle while we ran down a mountain in a thunderstorm and that sucker still worked.

It was his experiment, to keep trying to destroy it to the point where he couldn't use it but have to use it if it did. I think it died not too long after, though.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago (2 children)

We gave our kid their first proper smartphone when they had to do a bit of travel to get to school. However, I've fully embraced the parental controls of Google family link and Microsoft safety and it's been great so far. The combination of both provides incredibly granular controls to what they can see on the web, how long they use specific apps and what apps they're allowed to install.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago (3 children)

I've got complaints about Google family link's limits. They don't work right.

This is on the family tablet.

As for phones, my kid will get a phone sometime after they ask for one, likely when I upgrade mine. (Unless it's a forced upgrade due to gravity or water)

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Mine is almost 12 and I’m not sure she is ready for that. She has an iPad now and her friends all chat via Discord. I have an old phone for 911 calls only.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 8 months ago

Can't remember when exactly. But basically as soon as they wanted to roam around in a bigger radius. Maybe 6, 7 or 8. It gave them the security to explore. They know that it's GPS tracked. And if they don't feel well they can always call us, even if it's just so that they don't feel alone.

Sure, we didn't have that as kids. But we also had phone booths on every corner and some change in our pockets.

[–] [email protected] -3 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

As a non parent of Lemmy I would give my fake daughter a clay tablet at the age of 13

You know if my fake kids were ever to remark that I was abusive I would like it to be because of not buying them phone. Id love to be a fly on the wall of that therapy session

[–] [email protected] 6 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Our first daughter had a old smart phone at about 8 (she has just turned 9). It doesn't have data turned on, so is more or less a dumb phone unless she is at home. I don't think her little sister could care less about getting one.

I think that it's good for her to have one as it means she can contact us if she goes up the road to her friends or park/shop.

She doesn't have it for at school or general day to day life - so it may not be the best example

[–] [email protected] 15 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

We gave my son a smart phone at 8, because his mother and I lived in different states and he flew as an unaccompanied minor a LOT. I also lived in Oakland and I wanted to be able to reach him and to know where he was when he was with me.

We had strict rules about when he was allowed to have it on and when he was not allowed to NOT have it. We also didn't get him a data plan and made him use Wifi.

As a result of him actually being impressively responsible with that phone, we turned on the data and relaxed the rules probably years earlier than we would have under other circumstances.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago (3 children)

My kids are 5, and Im not sure it's on the horizon in the next few years. There are no answers here, but I have the same question and have been wondering about how others approach this.

I didn't haven't my first phone until 25, and it's a different, much more connected world now, however.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

A family I know give their kids limited screen time per day on the home laptops. No phones yet.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago

I would keep a small dumb phone as a family phone for when kids go on trips and sleep overs. They get a personal smartphone at around the age of 16 or 18.

[–] [email protected] 54 points 8 months ago (4 children)

Honestly, if I can afford it I'm getting it to them whenever other parents are getting it to their kids.

There were plenty of parents who held off on getting things like TV, the Internet, and it had no pronounced effect.

My buddy just had a kid and proudly said "they're never getting a smartphone." And I was like "dude you slept over my house to watch porn because you didn't have Internet in the 90s. You do you, but like... Idk. That won't go the way you think it will."

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