No Stupid Questions

It depends on what you want.

If all you're looking for is casual sex, they're pretty great. If you're looking for love, you'd do well to search for it in a more organic way.

Grindr is great. No complaints.

But, P.S.: for the love of god don't pay the app any money though. I meant it's great to find people. But the app interface is predatory from a UI/UX perspective.

We're gonna find out.

6 months ago, I'd say yes. No matches at all. But I've worked out a lot in those 6 months, and I got better clothes, more comfortable haircuts, new glasses.

Imma have my brother get some photos.

I was recently told by several women that I really shouldn't have a hard time as long as I don't take selfies. I make good money, I'm 6'0", I'm white (apparently matters more than I would hope), I got blue eyes, and I have muscle. Im attractive at first glance.

They said I don't need a perfect anything as long as it looks like I put effort in to appearing good. It's something about effort and confidence being more attractive than being Henry Cavill. But I also have to learn to stay to my values and not just fall for the first hot woman I get a match with.

I met my wife on.... drumroll... FACEBOOK DATING yes I understand if anyone finds that hard to believe. But I think their dating service is fairly new (at least it was 4 years ago) and it didn't charge me like other dating apps I've tried. My dad also found a his wife online, as well as 2 of my uncles. At least three of the four of us also went out socially and met women that way, just ended up trying out the online thing for shits n giggles and found success!

My advice would be to try stuff out for yourself! Just don't expect to get a hit immediately. Using dating services takes a bit of a learning curve. You got this

They absolutely do work, and I can’t recommend them enough - this is coming from a male mid-40s divorcee. I was on and off Tinder for 4 years looking for a relationship and met several women, before finally meeting my soul mate. For somebody like me who isn’t the most outgoing person, they were a godsend in terms of meeting people. Some of the negativity in these responses is wild.

They’re a relaxed, accessible mechanism for starting conversations. Yes, there’s incentive for the companies to keep you on the apps but it’s certainly not forced, because if they didn’t ever work, their incentive for use evaporates.

I am 100% of the opinion that people who have limited luck on dating apps are likely to have the same limited luck in real life. It’s just that the apps present you with multiple “opportunities” in succession that you don’t get in real life, so it could feel like constant rejection for some. If you match with a real person and start a conversation that goes nowhere, that’s down to yours or their communication, or a simple incompatibility. Both parties have already shown an interest at the point of matching. Where it goes from there is down to you.

It’s entirely a numbers game. You can’t expect to hit it off with every person you match with online, any more than you could in real life. But you will find someone that you otherwise wouldn’t get the chance to meet through other circumstances.

Don’t forget. The vast majority of those real ones are hookers or OF “models” or some dude sitting in Asia pretending to be a woman

Haha so many people here getting 0 matches

Depends on your expectations. Realize there's roughly 3-4 guys for every girl. If you don't standout in some way it will be a very quiet experience outside of the initial joining period (and immediately after the subscription ends if you paid).

Just remember, companies exist to make money. If you're using the app for free, you're not the customer, you're the product.

The free tier will let you swipe x times per day.

Of the 10,000 matches in your area, 1000 might be real humans.

So, it ends up feeling like a waste of time for any guy that doesn't get their profile pics taken by a professional. The odds of your iPhone pics standing out are slim unless you're rocking a speedo packing a hog, ridiculously muscular, or apparently holding a fish? That can't be working...

It ends up feeling like a waste of time.

A lot of negative comments. I went through a divorce last year (male, mid 40s), and used dating apps when I was ready to start meeting people. I was apprehensive going in but ended up shocked by how positive the results were. After a week or two I would have several matches and pause searching while I talked with those and planned in-person meetings. Most profiles you'll never get a reply. Of those you match again, half likely never respond to initial introductions / questions. But, if you live in a major metro area there's still plenty of people looking for relationships if you're willing to filter through that. I'm now happily in a relationship for the past few months so I've stopped using these apps.

I tried 3: eHarmony, hinge, and bumble. Here's my feedback from best to worse.

Hinge: encourages discussion as an initial match prompt. I met the most people on this app and many matches led to in person dates. Met the person I'm currently dating seriously on here.

Bumble: costs money to send a comment / question, free to "just swipe". Kept showing me profiles for people currently within my search distance, but who have listed another major city as their home (I guess they're connecting through the airport and on the app?). Went on multiple dates with matches, fewer than hinge.

eHarmony: where I originally met my previous wife ~20 years ago. Now had the fewest matches and worst experience (and highest cost). I stopped checking this one after about a month. Went on only 1 date.

Feedback from my matches about the app: many men are using it to find people to cheat with / aren't serious about a relationship. All of them told me actually holding a conversation on the app put me in the "top tier" of their matches. Many shared that matches just gave super short answers then asked for a phone number. Several noted that half the time they shared a number they almost immediately received dick pics. Multiple said matches tried to get them into crypto (?!?!).

For me (busy work schedule, and still spend half my time with kids) the experience was far better than any dates friends or co workers suggested. The profiles are not super deep... Yes everyone loves live music, travel, and The Office. I wanted to connect over something more specific than that. At least the people you match with are also looking for a relationship. Meeting people through my hobbies at 40+ most are in long term relationships or not interested in starting one. The apps are largely superficial... Half the first dates I went on one or both of us decided not to have a second date. Which is honestly expected... Even after filtering through the profiles and messaging in app you still only know the basics for most people.

For you specifically: many matches took issue with the recent timing of my divorce. If you're separated (not divorced) expect that to be a deal breaker for many.

You may be better off joining a club/group activity around a common interest. That way, even if you don’t meet anyone, you have something to do that isn’t soul-destroying.

Enough has been said about the dating apps, so I feel it's OK to remark on something else:

separated from my wife of 31 years - just earlier this month. Honestly, I’m already feeling bored and lonely

Can you provide some more context here? On the face of it it makes you sound like being dependent on a woman to keep you company. Sorry if I misinterprete that. But shouldn't you be rather busy with other things now - idk, moving, settling in, changing your life alround, finding new friends, recovering from the separation...

FWIW, my (now) 52yo brother and his wife found each other through a dating site/app almost 10 years ago. They seem to be doing well.

As someone who met the Person i love and live with in one of the dirtiest gay hookup shitholes i can say, yes these Apps are fucking pathetic and literally tuned to make you feel like shit (Its literally an algorithm that wants you to get addicted and spend money on it, it absolutley is that bad).

There are lots of people on it who got so broken by these apps that they just fuck arround there and bully others or scam you.

BUT: there are some people like you, the hard thing is to find them without going insane or getting catfished by a real person or even a bot thats owned by the dating site themselfs (of course there are a shit ton of other bots there to lol) IF, and thats a really really really BIG if! if you have the time for people who will definitly waste it, the media/technical competence to not get scammed in one of thousands of ways and you are imune to social media Algorithms that hit you with dopamine in ways that makes your brain want to vomit after some time using them, you might be able to find someone on there. i was and im looking forward to marry that guy! would probably never found the love of my life if i hadnt wasted 100+ hours in fucking planet romeo and grindr...

Edit: PS: i think Dating Apps are worse for your mental health than Porn, please dont get lost in there!

As someone else stated, they are indeed worse than people say. The has been massive consolidation in the industry, to the point where nearly every app is owned by the same company. And that company has been caught, multiple times, catfishing their own users with bots that then ghost them.

The company is pure Chicago School economics; they don't care about their users or product, just extracting money from people. Generally, this is men (though not always) as the culture cultivated in the apps is pretty shallow and messed up.

Overall, it's a much better time to engage in some sort of social hobby of the like. Success rate will likely be higher and the experience less depressing.

I met my partner on an app relatively recently and would not have met them otherwise. It can be a way to meet interesting people that you would not easily come across otherwise.

But, there are some caveats.

I would recommend trying a few and finding one that fits your interests/people in your area actually use.

Also investigate what the apps do with your data. You are sharing some very personal/sensitive data with them. Make sure they take good care of it.

Some apps seem to be pay-to-win. Do keep that in mind. Also, do keep in mind you are in the minority as a guy. Don't feel discouraged if it takes a long time to get any matches. I notice I can get somewhat addicted to scrolling through the apps and get discouraged when no one seems to like me. If that's the case make sure to not open the app for a while and go outside.

~~I personally think Feeld is one of the least bad ones, because it is great for different kinds of relationships and that fits me well, as well as they seem to take somewhat value my privacy and data. I also tend to pay for apps I actually use, because when the product is free, I am the product. Remember these companies have costs as well.~~

Still, nothing beats starting conversations with people in real life. Just be friendly, open, interested and don't expect anything from the other party straight away.

You'll be fine!

They're not the best, but there isn't a reason not to try if it interests you. A good friend of mine in his mid-40s was divorced from his wife and went on Bumble about a year and a half ago. He went on a handful of dates and only a couple months in met his new girlfriend. They've been together a year now, they're doing well and she's great. Point is there are lots of success stories.

We do live in a decent sized city, where there are a lot of fish in the sea.

The apps are awful. Get a hobby and meet some new friends and they have friends etc

I would say no. While they make the process more superficial and gamify it to the gain of the companies rather than the users, lots of people find partners on dating apps. A quick google reveals that already in 2017 dating apps were the leading way couples originally met.

So I would at least try them, just keep in mind how they work and what the incentives are. And don’t take it personally if you don’t get a lot of matches - that happens to a lot of people. Also I would definitely not pay for a subscription, that’s the scam part.

At least give it a while before you try

They used to be better. I had a lot of success when they were relatively new. However the culture around them has gotten worse and more toxic, and the companies have grown more abusive of customers. Just what I gather… I haven’t tried since 2019.

Tinder was okay for meeting people interested in actual relationships when it was newer. It seemed to turn into more of purely a shallow hookup site. I tried Bumble, and that worked, though it apparently is not as good as it used to be. Never tried Hinge or any of the others.

Thinking more about psychology helped me have success on the apps. Don’t be boring, start real conversations. I got some very good advice once from a friend, which was “if a girl is on tinder, she’s horny”. I was… oh. That makes sense. It helped me be less nervous. You could also say lonely or bored. In my experience it’s not hard to figure out if someone is after the same things as you are. I’ve never used them to just hookup, only find steady girlfriends. I did find some situations more like hookups, casual GFs or FWB though. A few dates fizzled. I’ve gotten together with about 15 women I met on Tinder/Bumble and 6 of them turned into steady relationships. I can’t say they were the most sane people I’ve ever met.

Incentives: you find a girlfriend the app lose a customer. They are not optimized for you finding a girlfriend.

Gender imbalance: there are about 3* guys for every girl. There is very little leftovers for you as an average guy. *Very crude counting from me 5 years ago.

Sure you may find one and it's relatively low effort. Don't get your hopes up.

Funny anecdote: I've had more luck getting dates from World of Warcraft.

Yeah. they're horrible. Find your local library, they have tons of things going on, usually. Probably have something you might find interesting involving others.

Otherwise, there's plenty of other 3rd spaces, like community centers, or things more directly dedicated to your interests.

They aren't bad, they are worse.

Dating apps are bad, full stop. HOWEVER if you are a decent looking person you can get by. Hinge is the only app thats really working out for a lot of people, but as a man youre likely going to need to pay for results. Also it depends on your location. If youre not in a place with a few hundred thousand people, you may not want to bother.

If youre bored, average looking, and have money to throw out, you may want to try it. What can you lose other than some cash?

Keep in mind that these apps are run for profit, by corporations. You meeting someone suitable and leaving the app, means less revenue for them.
So they can be fun to mess around for a while, but unless you're extremely lucky, don't expect long lasting relationships from them.

Honestly, I think they're worse than people say. There might be the odd good news story to come out of them, but they are designed to get you to fork out cash, and stay around and keep forking out cash, so their whole goal is to feed you hope, without ever causing you to be successful enough to leave.