Microblog Memes

I once removed a woman’s leg.

Shea butter is perfect lubricant with monkey asshole but my uncle says that real men do not need any, he is a scary man. The manliest dog hunter I have ever seen

I went for a walk on the Hudson Bay coast of far northern Ontario once when I was a teenager and we saw a polar bear. We're Indigenous and my family has connections up there so we went to visit them many times when I was growing up.

We had seen the bear a few days before from the safety of a frieghter canoe filled with a group of hunters with high powered rifles. We were in a 24 foot canoe and the bear was a huge adult that was probably about 12 to 15 feet long on four limbs and probably 20 feet standing. We looked at each other for a while and then dad and his hunter relatives fired warning shots next to the bear. The spray of firing a high powered shot in mud and clay is like a mini explosion or a land mine going off. It scared the bear enough that it started running. The land there is completely flat and featureless and the bear was gone on the horizon as a speck in a matter of minutes. We didn't want it near our camp.

My cousin and I went for a walk later, we came across the big claw marks of the adult polar bear in the mud and clay of the seashore. The marks were huge and it looked like it was made by a small backhoe or tractor. Clean cut marks from four huge claws with each limb. We were impressed and measured them with our feet and hands and head. We said to ourselves, hey this thing could tear us apart in seconds.

It was then that we realized, we about an hour long walk back to camp, we're alone and this bear could reappear at any moment and come running or even just walk fast at us from far away in a matter of minutes. All we had were shotguns to go bird hunting and we were just 16 year old kids. And we couldn't really walk fast in the muddy clay and tundra marsh where we were.

If the bear had been anywhere near us that day ... we would have been one of those little box newspapers stories of two teens that got killed by a bear in the northern wilderness.

nice try officer

I spend time on google maps just browsing, learning where different places are in the world.

One time someone put a blurred out map showing their location and I knew exactly where they were.

I promise never to use this power for evil.

I kicked a decrepit german shepard to death.

I'm ready to die, honestly. Not that I want to do it, it's just that I feel it's time since the pandemic.

Context is really important. If he’s an undertaker it might be a bit odd, but a final act of love for his wife.

But if he’s a trucker, for example, that’s more than slightly odd.

The town's undertaker embalms everyone who does not embalm themselves. Who embalms the undertaker?

I dont always look both ways before crossing the street at a cross walk...

Edit: Ya'll it was a joke. Thank you for the concern!

I do a band count before I start peeing into the toilet….

“A-one, a-two, a-one-two-three-four!” peeeeeeeeeeeee

I then usually start singing a tv show theme song like Happy Days as I keep the flow going. Disturbed yet?

I'm 99% sure I know my killer is me... eventually as my spine falls apart and suffering massively increases with time. And I'm okay with that so long as it is my choice. When people talk about suicide, I strongly believe in the saying, "no permanent solutions for temporary problems." But I strongly believe in this saying from both perspectives, aka "permanent solutions are your personal choice that I fully respect as an unalienable human right, if you choose, due to permanent problems." Anyone trying to steal such an unalienable human right from another is exceptionally ignorant of the magnitude of potential suffering and is criminally sadistic as far as I'm concerned.