Ask Lemmy

Try to admit when I don't know much about a topic and learn as much as I can from other people about it without interrupting them.

I try to adhere to T.H.I.N.K

Is it True? is it Helpful? Is it Important? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind?

Depending on the situation and the company, I try to check off all 5 and if it doesn't, I won't say it.

It's a good guiding standard that I don't always meet, unfortunately, but I'm only human. If I realise I've missed the K factor later I will apologise.

My friends know me well enough as a know it all, so they're comfortable with making fun of me when I get all unnecessarily gabby on a subject. I'm cool with it.

Not to correct orther people if it's not absolutely necessary or being asked to.

ie, I would correct someone who said "drinking bleach can cure covid". But I wouldn't if they said "the earth is flat".

Decade ago, a friend of a friend was building a computer. I suggest they get a SSD for the OS. They said SSDs are a scam and don't have any advantages over HDDs, and the durability is worse. So I'm like "alright, it's your money" and stop involved with the matter.

Just learn everything so you really do know it all.

Sometimes I remind myself silently "just listen"

What's wrong with being a know it all?

I'm fanatically polite so I am mindful of being humble in my interactions.

If you have the option to choose between phrasing something in the form of a statement and phrasing it in the form of a question, do the latter.

I've gotten better at saying "I don't know", or "that rings a bell, but I'm not sure, can you remind me", or "what does that word mean?". Because I was The Smart Kid(TM) at school and I carried that on by heading to a prestigious university, I had a hell of a complex about looking stupid. Being smart was so tightly woven into my identity that I struggled to perceive myself outside of a framework of academic success or the nebulous idea of intelligence.

I got a hell of a lot smarter when I learned how to not know stuff though, because I got to learn unexpected things from unexpected sources. I worked on reframing my own intelligence/knowledge wrt my self view, and nowadays, I feel like the thing I'm most proud of is my curiosity, and my openness to learning new stuff.

I fuck up.

I avoid correcting people over trivial things. If something would make me sound like a teacher or tour guide, I usually just don’t say it.

When I do decide to speak up (mispronunciations are a big thing for me), I either try to emphasize that I’m doing it out of concern (“I don’t want you to sound silly if you say it in front of others”, which is an honest concern) or I try to sound casual and not act like an absolute authority (“Really? I’ve always heard it pronounced like ______”) That last one has the added benefit of covering my butt if I’m wrong.

I never do, and don't understand why someone would.

Ask yourself if this person WANTS to hear what they should have done.

Someone may be talking about how they were trying to do something for the first time and the challenges they faced, and when you butt in with "What you should have done is..." You think you're being helpful since this information will save them a lot of frustration next time, but wait until they are done explaining the situation. They may have already figured out what you were going to say, and don't need your info, or, maybe they are still stuck and could use that info, but wait for them to let you know if it's wanted or not.

So, I'll take this from a slightly different angle than some of the other folks. Let's say that your conversation partner is verifiably wrong, and you know it. Before chiming in to correct them, ask yourself how much goodness you're bringing into the world by doing so, and who benefits from your efforts to educate.

If somebody is telling a teenager learning to drive that gas is on the left and brake on the right, they may actually hit something before they learn it. It's okay to correct that information.

If they just use "poor grammar," mislabel some technological item they are not attempting to use in a professional capacity, or they're off by an order of magnitude on some statistic they're using as trivia to bolster an otherwise reasonable claim, then correcting them doesn't advance the conversation or meaningfully facilitate communication. It's just making them look and feel stupid and small to your benefit. While your conscious impulse was probably not cruel, the whole activity is also tied up with ego and impulse control: we all want to look smart and scratch that psychological itch to share what we know. You won't always be able to resist or agree that something is trivial, but you have to put in the effort.

As a chronic know it all now raising another one, I try to ask myself, "if I weren't able to speak right now, would I still think it was important to catch up with this person later and educate them?" If the answer is "no," then there's no need to step in right then either. I will also say that if you've surrounded yourself with people who care about you, they're going to tolerate a certain amount of it as a harmless foible, and they probably will use you as a resource when they think it's appropriate. In a way that makes me all the more determined not to abuse the goodwill of my friends and loved ones by being an exhausting pedant.

...except for Anti-Stratfordians. They can fuck right off. I've picked that hill to die on and until I do I will leave the bloodied corpses of a million potential friendships in my wake. Fortunately it doesn't come up often. 🤣

I have a pleasant chat with David Dunning and Justin Kruger

Always remembering that the depth and breadth of what I DON'T know is vastly deeper and wider than what I think I know.

Also, the fact that I can't remember what I had for lunch yesterday. Pretty sure it was tuna salad, but it could have been an apple.