More importantly, is that soy sauce? Y'all eat spring rolls with motherfucking soy sauce? Ewwwwww
this post was submitted on 26 Jun 2025
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Yeah. You should be lubricating your spring rolls with sweet&sour sauce.
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Doctors hate this one trick where patients stick spring rolls up their ass.
Doctors don't know what you put in your but if you also shove an apple up there beforehand.
If I insert the spring rolls into my ass, will I shit them out from my mouth?
I think there is only one way to find out...
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I couldn't find spring rolls on AnyDice.com
It's the fried ones that are the problem: crispy = sharp edges = torn bowel = septic shock = dead.
The fresh ones with the squishy exterior should feel much more like a penis going into your ass. Choose the sauce carefully - your entire GI tract has receptors sensitive to spiciness.
If you want to push the spicy level but not have a visit from Satan's eyeball, they make this great barrier ointment called Ilex. Just, uh, you have to be careful not to glue your butt cheeks closed to most folk put some Vaseline on afters. Who knows, maybe they've fixed that but i last used it regularly when I wanted to belong to the nuclear taco club but couldn't get Thursdays off, it's been a minute.
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Well excuse me for being a good host during my digital rectal exam.
He didn't complain about the tea kettle at least, that's just being hospitable
...unless you heat them up first, to kill the bacteria; two minutes on HIGH ought to do it.
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Tik Tok challenges are really going to another level.
Wait what???
What what?
In the butt...
just gonna leave this here https://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/uk-news/doctors-warning-people-not-insert-17802129
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Use summer rolls instead. They're usually bigger anyway.
Breaking news
Doctors are giving this patient a new idea he'd never considered before.
Well thank goodness I'm not a patient..
THIS IS AMERICA, GOD DAMMIT, THE LIBERAL MARXIST GLOBALISTS ARE TRYING TO CONTROL HOW I EAT MY FOOD, GO TO HELL YOU COMMIE BASTARDS
“RFK questions guidance on not putting spring rolls up your anus.”
I'm not watching him and his grandchildren do this on live TV..
Chaotic Good Karen.
Hey it's Cheryl or Charlene or Carina or whatever...
It's CRYS-TAL!
This would be bad news in an alternate reality where humans eat by sticking things up their ass and shit out their mouth.
Imagine if they were still doing that when Randy took the world's biggest shit.
Fuckin' big pharma. I ain't sticking Pfizer's goddamn wantons up there, I'm sticking with PF Changs just like my paw-pee and his pee-paw before 'em.