this post was submitted on 29 May 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 223 points 1 week ago (6 children)

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but:

Do not take dating advice from people who never dated.

Do not take relationship advice from people who never had a relationship.

Do not take sex advice from people who never fucked.

And especially do none of these things on 4chan.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago

A better way to say this is "don't take dating advice from the Internet" because it's not just 4chan where you'll find shit designed to make you feel bad about yourself and how you look to try to sell you something- whether that's a product or an ideology. It's everywhere.

[–] [email protected] 72 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Seriously, I have been in a relationship for a decade and a half and some of the relationship advice I have seen men give other men on the internet the past several years tells me that they have never been in stable relationships themselves.

It also tells me that most of them have no clue what women want.

[–] [email protected] 55 points 1 week ago (2 children)

You know what a woman really wants?

Have meaningful conversations, clean up a little bit, eat puss, sometimes cook food.

This isn't rocket surgery.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago

Ask jesus' wife

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[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 week ago (3 children)

To anyone feeling self-conscious about their dick: My wife's best friend was with a guy for years who had a 3 inch dick, and he was overweight. From what I was told, she enjoyed sex with him quite a bit, it was the rest of the relationship that was awful.

[–] [email protected] 41 points 1 week ago

My take from this: you can have a small dick, just don't be a big dick.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago

I mean that doesn't really help still bigger

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[–] [email protected] 127 points 1 week ago (5 children)

To every guy feeling a little self conscious about size, try putting something the same size as your penis inside you. It'll feel a lot bigger after that.

[–] [email protected] 55 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I prefer to put something larger in me (last time was a sandwich)

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Yeah but for sex to be pleasurable for both parties chomping the thing going inside of you to pieces is considered a dick move

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Baguette sandwich 🥖, normal sandwich 🥪?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago
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[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 week ago (5 children)

Isn't the world average supposed to be like 4 or slightly under at ~100 mm. Donkey Kong's are like wildly mutated freaks. Porn just needs them because a camera is in the way so diagonosexnastics is required.

It's a rather dumb plot hole IMO. I never met a drummer rocket scientist type. I'm sure they are out there somewhere, but pounding the cervix like a drum is a boring tune fit for an absentee-alpha brain. If that is what a person is interested in – ehh just consider me tiny to maybe make you feel a little better.

If you feel self conscious, become a roadie (bicycle). Everyone says I won't wear the clothes and we all learn the clothes have a solid purposeful reason to exist. A few years of solid riding and you will not give a fuck about how anyone thinks of your junk. If you want to look, go ahead you dirty slut. I don't care if you look or that you are a slut.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

you are a slut

but will you treat me like one?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

take off your pants and find out

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[–] [email protected] 77 points 1 week ago (6 children)

Does anyone know what this individual is trying to say here?

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Or why (at the time of writing) 14 people apparently upvoted them?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago

Also a very good question.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Its interesting when its not obvious whether someone is on drugs or just isn't very good at writing clear English. Maybe both? Certainly was a ride!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

But it ain't like riding a bike on the interstate I'll tell ya

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago

I'm thinking drugs, there are none of the usual tells that hint at English being a second language.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Looks like some weird AI slop to me. Markov chain.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Let bike rider spandex being revealing but necessary act as exposure treatment for your small penis complex?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago

That definitely clears things up.

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[–] [email protected] 60 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Most chicks don’t know how big 5.5” is.

[–] [email protected] 57 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I mean, as a European I don't even know how big that is

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