this post was submitted on 10 May 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I'd like to upgrade my penis into super penis, two barrels, break action instead of the pump action, then I'll create a new sex act called "Quakeing", where you strafe around your sexual partner while constantly ejaculating on them with your super penis.

[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 week ago

Welp, that's enough internet for today

[–] Quique@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Since when is a dick an organ?

[–] Shape4985@lemmy.ml 5 points 2 weeks ago

Reproductive organ

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I want my tits to be able to shoot lasers at will, it'd be cool.

[–] kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

You mean something like this?

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 2 weeks ago

More like holding it up like a gun.

[–] Formfiller@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago
[–] JayJay@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I would upgrade my brain to be able to consciously control all the little automatic stuff. Tell my brain to up the metabolic rate when I want to burn more fat, increase heart rate when exercising, basically to be able to consciously control all functions of my body at will.

[–] DoubleSpace@lemm.ee 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I can't be trusted with direct control of the of my pleasure center of my brain.

[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

You could control yourself to control yourself. Add sudo permissions to it with a max use of once a day.

[–] callyral@pawb.social 6 points 2 weeks ago

Upgrade my eyes so I can sense different wavelengths of light at will. I would also make them very resistant to blindness.

[–] umbraroze@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

He he he

[Cyberpunk 2077 music]

/meme

[–] RangerJosey@lemmy.ml 4 points 2 weeks ago

I was born flatfooted. I'd make my feet and legs normal.

[–] BlueMagma@sh.itjust.works 22 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Infinite wishes situation : upgrade your brain such that you are sufficiently smart to bio-engineer all the other organs.

[–] mechoman444@lemmy.world 14 points 2 weeks ago

Or! OR! Downgrade your brain so you're just dumb enough to feel constant happiness.

[–] moseschrute@lemmy.ml 4 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Does happiness increase or decrease with intelligence? What if your brain upgrade becomes an emotional downgrade?

[–] Huschke@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

You could always downgrade your brain again after you're done.

[–] trxxruraxvr@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Does happiness increase or decrease with intelligence?

Is there even a correlation?

[–] moseschrute@lemmy.ml 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Looked it up. Seems there happiness does not decrease with intelligence. I would have assumed the more intelligence you have the more capacity to understand and worry about problems you would have.

[–] trxxruraxvr@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Yea, but happiness is a weird thing. After live changing events, both positive and negative happiness is impacted for a while, but after a couple of months most people gravitate back to their default happiness level.

[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

As an audiophile, probably my ears. I wanna be able to hear over 19khz.

[–] BlueMagma@sh.itjust.works 8 points 2 weeks ago

Ok but it needs to be an 'activable' skill, if it's always on it could be a nightmare with all kinds of background noises continuously ringing in your ear.

[–] Uebercomplicated@lemmy.ml 8 points 2 weeks ago

Yep, super hearing for me too please. Imagine actually being able to appreciate 192khz recordings... damn. Actually, I don't even think my HD600s go that high

[–] bampop@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

I can hear slightly higher frequencies than most, or at least I used to be able to. Back when TVs used cathode ray tubes I'd have problems with the small portable TVs because they would emit an annoying high pitched tone. Even high pitched tones unintentionally mixed into records. The world is designed for people with typical senses.

[–] hex@programming.dev 3 points 2 weeks ago

My buddy has a CRT. It makes a very high pitched noise, close to 18900hz. But it's not above what most people can hear, most humans can hear up to 20,000hz. Over time this decreases of course. But every time I go to this guy's house I can hear the CRT going, so loud, so annoying.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Upgrade my butt. Poot existential dread instead of regular feces.

[–] bampop@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

I used to think that if I could have a superpower I'd like to be able to take a big rancid shit at will, but open up a portal so it would arrive in the pants of a person of my choosing. But these days, what's the point? Most world leaders could be absolutely destroyed by a well timed beer dump, but Trump wouldn't even notice anything unusual.

[–] FurryMemesAccount@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

It definitely didn't end the way I expected

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

Neither did i

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