this post was submitted on 10 May 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 hour ago

I would like a second of the same dong. undecided as to configuration (over-and-under vs. side-by-side)

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 hour ago

I'd upgrade my balls so that they aren't vulnerable when being attacked. That way I can steal Bobby Hill's purse and get away with it.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 hour ago
[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

Can we pick the nature of the upgrade? I want to pee champagne

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 hour ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

And you can only pee in the champagne region of France.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 hour ago

Otherwise it’s only called sparkling piss.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago) (5 children)

All y'all are picking dick.

But the correct answer is the balls. Need something more durable and with a faster reload time.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 hour ago

that's okay my homies can hook me up with a reload

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 hour ago* (last edited 1 hour ago)

Then you want to upgrade your prostate, not balls.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 hour ago

You'll be limited by shaft resilience before reload time, especially over multi-day operations.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago) (1 children)

Careful with that, you probably wouldn't want to end up in a StuG III Ausf B situation

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 hours ago

rubbing a monkey's paw

Oh no! I didn't realize I was asking for Nazi balls!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 hours ago

How many times a day do you need to jerk off?!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 hours ago

Skeletal structure.

This implies stronger bones and stronger joints. With a stronger framework to hold your muscles, you get a sturdier body.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

Definitely my spine. There's a reason basically anyone who has worked in the trades for a while has a fucked up back. It would be nice to avoid my impending back problems.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 hour ago

Is it a form problem?

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 hours ago (2 children)

Probably brain, responsetime

Who am I kidding, it’s gonna be vibrating dick

[–] [email protected] 1 points 37 minutes ago

Good newss! If you use a massage gun pressed right to the base of your dick, it vibrates like a vibrator.

Great trick if she's on top, fun for everyone

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 hours ago

I think somewhere on the internet there is a whole ass manhwa based on this concept

[–] [email protected] 20 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

better brain

with that I can make more money and with that I can just buy new organs

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

Congrats. You now feel anxiety twice as intensely.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 hours ago (2 children)

yeah but now I can buy 2x the anxiety meds because of all my money

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

being smart is overrated, and it actively makes anxiety worse because you can come up with pretty good rationalisations and then be anxious faster

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 hour ago* (last edited 45 minutes ago)

I mean, he didn't say smarter; he said a better brain. I would also love a better brain, which to me would not mean an increase in intelligence. On paper, I'm allegedly well into the gifted territory of the IQ scale, but my developmental and learning disabilities, especially my poor executive functioning, have led to me working fast food...

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

Brain twice as powerful but so riddled with benzos that it functions at half capacity.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 hours ago

but I still have more money than before

[–] [email protected] 21 points 7 hours ago

I asked the lady with no legs. She said bigger dick.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 7 hours ago

Sometimes I wonder if my brain was already donated.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 8 hours ago (2 children)

Heart failure is one of the biggest killers out there. I think you'd have a better odds of living a long life with some kind of super heart. Your heart is basically just a water pump that has to remain online for 100 years or you die fast.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 hours ago (2 children)

That's a good point, but in my opinion the other common deaths are way worse. Cancer? Living with the anxiety of impending death and constantly getting sicker, more in pain and being nauseous from medication? Or COPD, feeling like you are suffocating slowly? Alzheimers, Parkinsons? Or my personal fear - dying from a stupid simple cold? Man, I take a heart attack any day of the week.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 hour ago

Yeah, I'm just thinking about the meta pick for general longevity.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 hours ago

I have a friend who's losing the battle with cancer right now and I didn't really appreciate how bad it would be. Both the cancer itself, and having this much forewarning. I would rather it be quick and surprise. For my sake lol screw everyone else

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 hours ago

The heart will take that on after the lung layoff.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Upgrade my liver, stay drunk for the next 3 years and 9 months.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Isn't that backwards? The liver filters alcohol out of the body. I would think an upgraded liver would sober you up quicker.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago) (1 children)

But I'll die.

I guess this isn't a good pick.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 40 minutes ago

Either way you would run into the problem of having a huge amount of your calories come from alcohol, without any nutrients. Unless you're just drinking beer, which is just liquid bread.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 hours ago

My stamina is shit so lungs.

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