this post was submitted on 11 Jul 2025
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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 hour ago

I'm gonna go in a different direction than everyone else here.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl

is a big budget movie that had absolutely no business getting made, because:

  1. Pirate movies have always been box office poison. Less than a decade earlier, Cutthroat Island made the Guinness Book of Records as the biggest box office bomb of all time, the latest in a series of pirate-themed failures. The only vaguely pirate-themed movies that had ever had anything you'd call success was Muppet Treasure Island and Goonies, and you could argue that Goonies wasn't really a pirate movie, it had some pirate theming in it. In 2002, Disney's Treasure Planet, basically Treasure Island IN SPAAACE had proven a box office flop. Treasure Planet is a well-written, well-made, well-advertised, well-reviewed pirate movie that failed at the box office. What idiot would bankroll another pirate film?

  2. It was a movie based on an old ride at Disney World. It was their fourth attempt at this, they made a TV movie based on Tower of Terror in 1997 that they're apparently not proud of, 2000s Mission To Mars was a "commercial disappointment" and 2002's The Country Bears was a critical and commercial flop. Yeah the year before they made Pirates of the Caribbean, Disney made a G-rated pastiche of the Blues Brothers out of The Country Bear Jamboree. They decided to do that and nobody stopped them. No movie based on a theme park attraction had ever made its money back.

The public's reaction to the announcement was "They're making a movie based on WHAT?" This wasn't going to work. This movie had no business being made.

The film achieved massive critical and commercial success as the 141st highest grossing movie of all time taking $654.3 million against it's $140 million budget and spawning four sequels.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 hours ago
[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago) (2 children)

I dunno what counts as big budget, but 30 Minutes or Less was seen as tasteless in how it was based on a real-life serious event that had occurred.

On a false advertising note, the movie's run time is 1 hour, 23 minutes. Bullshit.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 hours ago

That happened where I grew up, and the details are so fucking bonkers.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 9 hours ago

I've seen the video of that dude getting blown up. Pretty crazy

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago) (1 children)

Loveble Sidekick: The Untold Story of My Rise to Fortune

starring

Lovable Sidekick - as Himself
Scarlett Johansson - as Lola

It had no business being made, so it wasn't.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

Yeah, sure, but the full penetration sex scene was a bit over the top.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 hours ago

Title of your sex tape!

[–] [email protected] 12 points 12 hours ago

not sure if it was "big budget" but Madame Web.

It was, essentially, a Spider-Man prequel that simply didn't need to happen story wise. It introduced a bunch of characters from the comics that do indeed have Spider-Man like powers but in the film they simply "suggest" it. You had a villain whose entire purpose for doing what he did was he had a dream where said "spider people" killed him. You had Uncle Ben shoed in to simply say to the audience 'hey, HEY ASSHOLE! look...It's a Spider Man Prequel!" and THAT was the ONLY connection to Peter Parker.

It's like having a Star Wars Prequel where Uncle Owen is in it and he's hanging out with a bunch of people who could potentially be Padawans but we're not sure and they're being hunted cause some random Sith had a dream that sure, they could potentially be Jedi one day. Now none of them actually are but they COULD be one day, just not in this movie.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 17 hours ago

Every Jurassic Park movie after the 2nd one.

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