I become ruler of every duck I come across.
this post was submitted on 03 Feb 2025
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Killing a two-headed squirrel near Mt Rainier.
Figure out a way to burn it completely and cleanly. Infinite power.
But I guess it depends on how long it takes to magic out of thin air.
If I could do millions per second, I might be able to get some time off. If it was 1 per second, then not really viable.
Although would add carbon to the environment (as opposed to unlocking millennia old carbon).
So, feed those that need fed. I guess
Search up "ratatouille modern warfare"
There's a French Toast restaurant near me. Maybe I could cut a deal with them, or just open a food truck.
Become a French toast master
I could make a bunch of Runescape players very happy, I guess.
I become king of Dad Jokes.
-Dream transition effect-
-Clears throat to someone-
What do you do after getting your groceries?
-summons baguette-
You baguette !
🥖
Hey, so I'm very positive somewhere near you is a doorway of some type. Would you kindly walk through it, and leave?
Unlimited garlic bread, yay!
I don’t use it for personal gain.
I give away infinite free bread, and get arrested and jailed forever.
Do my thing while standing by the microwave, that magical box which turns slightly stale bread into hot steamy fresh bread again.
I could probably get a job at either of my local grocery store bakery departments with that.
I challenge Karl, King of Ducks, for his crown.
No more giving money to homeless people. You get a stale baguette. Best of luck to you.
I'd make a fuckload of croutons
Baguettes just dump out of Trumps butt whenever he makes a public appearance
Why not just cover the Whitehouse in baguettes 100s of meters high, while simultaneously filling the rooms with so much baguette you can't even move.
Stale baguettes would make great chicken feed.
Start a stuffing and bread pudding restaurant, or a fencing school. En Garde!
Trickle them slowly enough onto the GE so they keep their value so I can sustain my membership through bonds.
Ergot farming.
Being only slightly stale isn't an issue at all, especially when it comes to sustenance to stay alive. Setting personal gain aside, have people pay you to travel to Bumfuck, Africa. Make it rain infinite slightly stale baguettes. Solve their hunger, at least for a while, and build a composting facility to create mass amounts of compost out of tons of slightly stale baguettes. Feed their livestock tons of slightly stale baguettes.
Travel to Bumfuck, India. Make it rain infinite slightly stale baguettes. Solve their hunger, at least for a while, and build a composting facility to create mass amounts of compost out of tons of slightly stale baguettes. Feed their livestock tons of slightly stale baguettes.
I'm sure you could reach out to many impoverished countries of the world, say hey you pay for my travel, my food & lodging, and pay me $200K (or whatever they can afford) and I'll make slightly stale baguettes rain down from the fucking sky and they'll gladly take you up on that offer. If they're smart.
World hunger, solved. Deserts covered with multiple feet of fertile, composted bread-soil. And as others have said, French toast & other foods forever. Plus if you work it right, you could get paid to travel the world & enrich the nations with your talent.
Become famous for producing infinite food, get shot by a religious fanatic whose beliefs don't align with the supernatural talents you possess. That or just a corporate hit by Frito-Lays.
Maybe this is a cynical take, but someone in power would almost immediately have the magic infinite food person assassinated.
I guess that is an angle. But I think I heard of an old Asian tale basically saying that tyrants, dictators, and oppressors require amazing security detail by default. But universally loved rulers who care for the people & do incredible amounts of good need minimal security, and every good man is an unpaid member of their security detail. Virtually all will work to protect him.
Even if that were the case, if you could quickly work over a few countries & create organic, fertile topsoil for all the barren land on Earth -- I would argue you have a moral obligation to quickly, quietly execute that power. Even if it kills you. Perhaps start by creating oceans of slightly stale baguettes in the deserts; leave people in the dark. Then go to countries in secret & be like I am the bread god, you've seen my work, pay me now, and get all the bread.
Even if they were to eventually find & kill you, strictly speaking about utility, creating millions of tons of fertile, rich compost & filling the bellies of millions of people is more good than you or I could ever hope to accomplish in a lifetime. Even a million people. It would be an act of goodness that would change the world forever.
If someone pulls a gun on you, then just summon a baguette into their lung...
Someone tries to shoot you? Believe it or not, baguette.
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