this post was submitted on 12 Jan 2025
1445 points (99.3% liked)

Programmer Humor

20735 readers
632 users here now

Welcome to Programmer Humor!

This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!

For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.

Rules

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
(page 2) 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Do I really need to open a ticket for this

Yes

UNIRONICALLY, ASSHOLE! IT'S THE FIRST THING YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE!!!

Fucking "hey guys, we are bringing in someone from another department and they need to catch up. What's the project looking like?"

"I don't know. Nobody wrote anything down and now it's scattered across six didn't PCs in various states of dysfunction."

IT guys think they're all Michael Jordan right until they get the ball.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I get the message here for sure, but imo tickets (while important) take a back seat to a rich commit history. Ifbthe commit messages and history are high quality enough, one can tell whats up with the code sinply by looking at the log.

Tickets on the otherhand are in a secondary system. Of course, they can bind the work of multiple projects together. But honestly, has anyone ever been able to just reach the ticket history and know everything about a project without asking someone?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago (7 children)

tickets (while important) take a back seat to a rich commit history

I've found people who do one will manage the other with ease. But "oops! No ticket" is a canary telling me their commit log is going to be shit.

But honestly, has anyone ever been able to just reach the ticket history and know everything about a project without asking someone?

I've been able to find out the status of individual half-finished bugs off a ticket log and work/reassign it quickly. Without a ticket in queue, I'll either discover the issue has been completely ignored or that multiple people pioneered their own boutique fix without talking to one another.

load more comments (7 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago
"Why isn't this ready yet? The meteors are falling in an hour?"

- Oh sorry I got distracted by Youtube for a minute

"...You've been doing this for a week"
[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

Some grad included unecessary libraries held over from them dorking around on a testbed that cost the company $40,000 and blew the code out tenfold

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (4 children)

An app that will save the world…and other fantasies that software developers tell themselves to feel important

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

We're making the world a better place 🙏

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Half way into saving the World it turns out you need some data that's not even being collected, something that nobody had figured out because nobody analysed the problem properly beforehand, and now you have to take a totally different approach because that can't be done in time.

Also the version of a library being include by some dependency of some library you included to do something stupidly simple is different from the version of the same library being included by some dependency of a totally different library somebody else includeed to do something else that's just as stupidly simple and neither you nor that somebody else want to be the one to rewrite their part of the code.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 month ago (3 children)

HOW MANY STORY POINTS DOES IT TAKE TO SAVE THE WORLD?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

On second thoughr.... Is this a world we wanna save?

[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 month ago (3 children)

WHY DID THIS 3 POINTER TAKE FIVE DAYS

YES YES, IT'S NOT TIME BUT WE ARE TRACKING IT THAT WAY BUT IT'S IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO NOT THINK OF IT THAT WAY WHEN YOU ESTIMATE BUT WHY DID YOU GO OVER THREE DAYS

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

I can't give this enough upvotes.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Let's all head to the conference room, so we can discuss the definition of a story point for an hour. I'd also like to talk about why we are behind schedule and our velocity is dipping. Let's make it two hours.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (4 children)

Management where I work finally unbent and admitted that story points were time.

...but also want to continue raising velocity in each sprint.

load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago (2 children)

All programmers are goth supermodels.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Click, click, clickity-click, click.

I'm in!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

The most important part of developing hacking tools is to have a UI that includes text scrolling really quickly with little beep, blip, and bloop noises.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Tickets aren't agile, tickets are scrum.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (2 children)

If you hate the taste of scrum give SAFe a try! (but really, please don't)

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I believe that the problem with agile is that it's not enough like waterfall. That's why SAFe is for me.

So glad we dropped that shit.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

I just left a SAFe company! God the system was awful!

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Then again, the guy giving you that remark usually doesn't know the difference

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 42 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Not programming, but the plot of Shin Godzilla was about bureaucratic red tape holding back the actual solutions.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

It's my favorite Godzilla movie because of this aspect. There's a scene where I lost it in the theater when the >!Prime Minister is completely certain in telling the press that Godzilla will absolutely never, not in a million years, not make landfall.. only to have an underling whisper in his ear that Godzilla just made landfall.!<

I worked for a Japanese company at the time, and could recognize that it wasn't even heightened for parody. That's just exactly how it is.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

only to have an underling whisper in his ear that Godzilla just made landfall.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

WHICH IS WHY WE SHOULD DEREGULATE EVERYTHING! INCLUDING FOOD AND DRINKING WATER, AND WE SHOULD ALLOW ALLOW COMAPNIES TO DUMP INTO RIVERS!

I love hollywood

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

...you know this was a Japanese movie, right?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

Oh I thought it was one of newer ones. I was envisioning the creep of conservatism into films, like that scene from Independence Day where Will Smith declares that he never wants to pay taxes

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago (1 children)

They don't know there are 20 other life and death situations that came before them. GET. IN. LINE.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

Why won't you sprint the sprint so we can get more sprints in the sprint?

load more comments
view more: ‹ prev next ›