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I feel like one of the main issues with Discovery is also that it's much more serialised, and more compact, to its detriment.
There wasn't an ambiguous downtime between adventures, or for things to happen off-screen, everything happened one after the other. We didn't have space to develop and explore the characters, basically everything was plot, which made the emotional parts feel unearned.
The characters were rarely more than the bare minimum to enable said plot.
It hugely needed downtime it didn't really get, and could have benefited from stretching out either the seasons or the episodes out to have them be more fleshed out and normal, instead of dealing with crisis after crisis after crisis. In all of three seasons, we had about a single segment of episode where they had any memorable recreation at all.
There was never an equivalent of the "The Doctor is a good singer, Worf hates children, Spock likes chess" moments for the Discovery characters to expand into between the big plot points. They don't really have long-term flaws, or room to grow for the most part.
I'd actually disagree with you on discovery showing a lack of competence. If anything, besides the attitude, it felt more like the characters were too competent. They didn't have varied, specific flaws and weaknesses that made them seem more human, instead being universally omnicompetent.
Even TNG, otherwise a shining bastion of competency, worked best when the characters had individual flaws and weaknesses that they collectively mitigated by relying on each other, rather than everyone being perfect and good at everything.
Discovery lacks that kind of deferring to better expertise, and often comes across as Burnham does everything. Except when she's coming up with a plan that will fix everything, there was barely any consultation, or back and forth. There wasn't really ever a "I can think of something that could help, but have no idea how to execute it, anyone know how we might pull it off?", or "That's not a bad thought, but if we do it this other way, it might be better".
Unearned, and also shoehorned in. They were in the middle of a series of crises, and instead of just putting the personal stuff to the side until the crisis/crises were over they had to deal with personal soap-opera stuff in the middle of that. And, that meant that you couldn't have personal character development that was low-stakes. For it to interrupt the crisis it had to be high stakes. That just heightened the soap-operaness because every emotional moment was high stakes.
That's basically what I mean about the incompetence. She had to do everything herself rather than consult with the rest of the crew, often breaking the rules because she didn't have time to follow them because everything was so urgent. On every other Star Trek, the chief engineer would be consulted when it came to engineering things, the science officer when it came to science things, and so-on. But, because Burnham didn't consult her experts, it makes it seem like they're not competent enough to keep up with her.
So, these other crew members are involved when there's a high-stakes soap opera scene where they bare their souls. But, they're bypassed when Burnham has to take quick actions or the whole multiverse dies. Which makes it seem like this isn't a crew of a captain, a science officer and a chief engineer working together to solve things. It's a soap opera involving Tilly, Stamets, and Jett while Burnham saves the multiverse.