So long story but I grew up in kinda a toxic environment, my father was the only sane person but he worked far away as an expat, and this made my mother irritated a lot as well, especially because of the nature of society we started living in, I really love her but she is kinda the standard conservative type so we don’t really have any meaningful interactions anymore, and most of my teachers were crappy as well, so I kinda got a bit insecure and shy overtime.
Fast forward after COVID and all of my old friends had left me, so I was alone for pretty much half a year, and then made some toxic friends out of desperation, which are still with me today.
Anyway after completing my junior high I worked a lot on my personality during my senior high school year 1 (this year), I started to try to put myself out in the world more (even though I normally hate unwanted social interactions), learning an instrument, going to the gym, I was always only met with criticism with my mother and my ‘friends’ (partly because I started taking them less and less seriously, which made them think I was ‘selfish’), but I pushed on, and I think at this point, I am satisfied with how I am as a person.
However there was one person that I think played passive role in all of this, my class teacher, this was really the second time ever I got a decent class teacher, but I wasn’t really worried because I also developed kind of a ‘fuck all’ attitude at this point, but halfway through the year I noticed more and more that it seemed like she was the only one keeping tabs on me and actually encouraging whenever I tried to start some sort of extra-circular activity in my school, she listened to my problems and helped me come to solution(s), encouraged/helped me to get stronger in my weak subject (which was taught by her), asked me when l was absent from an event I participated in and at this point, I think I have kinda developed a sense of respect for her.
I know there might be some sort of romantic reason as well or maybe a ‘crush’ but to be honest I never really felt that way the way I have ever felt about my crushes, instead of being awkward, I was comfortable (idk how much of that maybe to more confidence), and I never really had any sort of confession or any weird dreams like that, I just felt that there was finally a person who seemed like they would understand me (I know this a really immature part on my side, but can’t seem to help it)
Today was my last day in school for this session, and I have been feeling kinda heavy hearted ever since I came back from school, I still have a year left, but who knows what kind of Class Teacher I may get next year, it might be another narcissist a-hole and I really don’t want to say goodbye
This seems like the way, I have kinda evolved into the ‘cards/chocolates for someone are cringe’ kind of person, but that seems like a really bad sentiment I gotta leave behind
She is a teacher, you giving her a card isn't gonna crack the top 100 of cringey shit she has seen.
Dude. I’m saying this as someone who as been in your position and only as time has gone on realized this really is true.
This isn’t about what’s cringe. This isn’t about what other people say after you do something. This person made your life better to the point you feel the need to show them your appreciation. If you think that standing on your chair and belting out a totally tone deaf version of their favorite song would make that person the happiest, then fucking do it and everyone who says something or makes fun of you just doesn’t understand or doesn’t have someone that they can feel that close to. You will forget the embarrassment, but knowing you told someone you cared about how much you appreciate them will never leave you.
Change my life is a strong statement, but definitely, I feel like we are in such a shortage of good and genuinely kind hearted people that when we see one, it could make us a much better and happier person, and acknowledging these kind of people should be a part of our basic moral attitude.
I feel like that this whole ‘cringe, alpha etc etc’ type of culture has made us so stone hearted (instead of k for kool) that we don’t appreciate people who are genuinely in a much higher standard and position than us, and who deserve our utmost respect, we are in a position (and I myself am guilty for it as you saw) where we shy away from giving someone who deserves something much more something as trivial as a chocolate because we are afraid we are ‘cringe’