Ask Lemmy

I am normal (as far as I know) and sure, I think about things like this but the answer seems more obvious - I look at whatever has my attention at that moment. The flow of attention happens naturally, perhaps that is the difference. I think it's important to remember a couple of things:

People are all focused on themselves more than you.

It's fine to fake it. Social interaction at something like a group meal is a superficial thing, just do what everyone else is doing and ask a couple of questions, answer when someone speaks to you, enjoy the food.

Most people don't consciously think about these things very often at all. Generally there's only a very occasional sudden realization that you've been starting at a person's eyes for a bit too long and so look away for a moment. But really this is only a very very occasional thing. We almost never consciously think "ok where should i point my eyes now?"

Or at least that's how it is for me. I guess I'm assuming that's how it is for most people too.

No, this isn't a typical thing people think about. Which is why it's associated with autism, (social) anxiety, and/or ADHD. Now, it doesn't mean you definitely have any of those, but it's something to consider as part of a larger picture.

I suggest you pursue medical/therapeutic support if you find that this anxiety is negatively affecting how you live your life :)

I am definitely not "normal", but I do not think in autistic. I however have extreme social anxiety and I do think thoughts like the OP. So I think you can feel that way for more than one reason, be it autism or social anxiety or whatever

No diagnosis here, is that normie enough? We all have the spotlight effect, some more than others. Autism symptoms or diagnosis just point you in a viable direction for effective help.

Eye contact isn't so bad, as written here already: quick smile or nod that acknowledged the eye contact, then scan to the next point of Interest or head. I basically keep looking around all the time, unless my dinner date is speaking to me or visa versa, then I try to maintain contact at the table. Looking at you plate isnt so bad either.

The bad thing is staring, even more so if your gaze is not empty but clearly with intent. You can always fake 'coming back' from staring if this happens, move your face in a way that eludes the feeling you just 'woke up' from a stare, smile apologetically, move your gaze to the next item.

This might feel like a lot of work in the beginning, but you only just started and have been practicing awkward gazes all your life ^^ , so feeling a bit outside of your comfort zone is to be expected when trying these new things.

there are no normal people here, but I can say I don't have to think about where I'm looking all the time. well, I sometimes have to catch myself not checking out cleavage.