LeGrognardOfLove

I like the sentiment but aa is ... Urgh...

But yeah this looks like a call for help.

Ouch!

My wife has CPTSD from being abused as a child. I got her on Prazosin for her nightmare disorder. It's way better - but not perfect.

I should have trauma, my life story sucks and when I tell people what I went through they mostly disbeleive me.

I am from first nation descent in the apartheid state of canada and most "colonial" canadians don't understand what it means...

But all anti-depressant I tried just messed me up - made me feel and act very differently from what I usually am. I didn't like it.

So... How you holding up?

You! You get it!

People forget that when revolutionary France happened, soldiers helped open the doors of the bastille.

So, leftists must operate in cells with distributed expertise. Leftists need people able to operate weapon, but more than that, they need to convince the imperial soldier that their cause is just. That's the hard part.

Oh! Did the same thing in ds2 and still got permabanned! They might have gotten their shit together! TIl!

I have been diagnosed this year by a neuropsychologist with TSA, ADHD, Giftedness and Alexithymia. I'm a fortyish person who all his life though he was the most stupid people alive, yet have achieved a lot of stuff normal people won't even try.

I have a second degree black belt in Kyukushinkai, a first degree black belt in Tenshin Shōden Katori Shintō-ryū, which was delivered by Goro Hatakeyama. I have been challenged by my old teacher in Kyukushinkai to break a baseball bat, which I did, cement blocks, which I did and to do 25 000 kicks in a row, which I also did. I also did the 100 persons Kumite, which I stupidly did. I know how to brew beer at a very good level, having won a few competitions. I am a master code monkey - I have built the simulator for Janet Echelman, worked on both Unity and Unreal Engine, worked as a team lead in several big tech places, including the propaganda arm of Canada in quebec (radio-canada), worked at most known place in my province. I know how to cook at home chef level, being a modernist cook. I know about 65% of human history. I know a lot of comparative mythology. I have read a lot of philosophy, from plato to marx while reading and hating all those fake modern philosophers from the right. I have planned and done a 9 year TTRPG campaign in fate core were each played played 5 characters ( think post-humans ) I am taking care of two fully grown adult that are cognitively far worst than me ( my wife organization skill are abysmal and the anxiety makes her nearly non-functionnal ) and her brother who is a deeply autistic recovering alcoholic.

So, when I was burnt out, my doc put me on paxil and then effexor and a neurostimulator. Effexor is shit for me, It mess me up completely and so I am on the third month of weaning - I get brain zaps and shakes and tiredness - been like that for months now.

Now I understand I'm not that stupid, just chemically imbalanced.

So, with all that said, do you think the neurostim is good for me ? My doc is a tool so I have to rely on conversations with other persons who have experiences that looks like mine ...

Well, yes you can. You can do that from the US also, but you need to upgrade your opsec.

You have to realize that communism is not words.

It's actions.

Don't preach, don't proselytize, don't pontificate.

Just do.

Give your time to those who needs it. Help around; Make material reality better around you. Listen to the plight of other proles. Make them realize they also can help others.

But if you want a bigger impact, here's what you need to do :

Organize in secret : Pile up tech ( generative ai tech from free sources), Private lemmys for communism discussion , Old unlocked phones in case you need to communicate in a crackdown. Build a faraday cage and stock your pilled up tech ( hard drives and cellphones ) in there. You will need all of that to build a real resistance.

Find a core of people who shares your ideals, but don't tell them what they are. Never say the word communism in public. Never meet in public. Don't chose people who will put words before actions. Don't choose braggarts or ideologist or worst - people who do stuff because it look good.

People will hear communism and think "capitain america against the red menace" automatically. Just pollinate the ideas - they are self evident truth that can't be discounted in good faith - just don't tell people where the theory comes from. If they ask, just say it's common sense. If they are Christian, just say it's just what Jesus talked about when he was talking about the "Kingdom of God" - It's mostly true.

Then cultivate influence, network and find people who can change things at a local level. Get them to share your mindset, just don't use the words communism and trans as they are loaded and will make you a target.

With all that in place, you are in a good position to change things once the status quo starts to move.

But first - Stay safe. Protect yourself and your loved ones. Being dead means it was all a waste.

All the people I know have internalized sinophobia and russo phobia. It's pathetic. One of them was born in the USSR and thinks russian are out to get her. Her family is russian, dog gammit!

I have been accused of being pro china because I was not jumping on the china bad bandwagon. My actual stance is that all organized states are bad and these people know it!

I guess being from Apartheidland (no, the one in africa was the copycat) and having no culture of its own but american propaganda movie is some sort of an explanation, of not an excuse.

But yeah, it's anedoctally endemic to "liberal by default" people from my experience.

Is 1 am the time you usually take it at? I tend to try and keep it at the same hour. It has a small half life, but it doesn't mean it has no half life, I try to keep the concentration the same.

It's new to me, as I went undignosed for 40 years, so I'm still very wary of it.

Ouch. What kinda effect did it have ?

I'm on 40 mg Lisdexamfetamine. There was a day when I took it twice because my routine was messed up.

I ended up cleaning the house all day, make way too much food for the week, call my mom four times, while I was supposed to take it easy because I had a bad week and was near exhaustion already.

Yeah you are screwed. Japanese cie don't give a flogging flock about it, you can try and contact them but they will not do anything.

If you really want to play with the online component, get it on another service like epic or somesuch but ... it's a lot of money to counter their fascistic right to mess with what you paid for ...

The outer worlds world building was cool, the voice acting was nice... I can't remember the game story at all. The gameplay had only one quality : it existed. The weapon selection could have been cool but it was not. They didn't weave the good world building they did in the other elements of the game and it was a shame.

So, I think it's a lost opportunity of a game. It could have been way cooler with not a lot of efforts. I feel it took some risks while avoiding all the risks a game should take.

TL;DR : This game is like horseradish. It starts strong then offer no more flavor that what it started with. Then you get tired of that flavor and ask yourself why you are eating horseradish in the first place.

Here is what I'd do.

Find a group who are trans-friendly in another country where they teach the program you want. Community/friend will be helpful because they will know how to protect you, what to say/do in a foreign land.

Then study how to get a student visa there and apply to a school that teach your program. Also if you are a top performer, they may be interested in hosting you with social advantages (lodging/food/other nice stuff). So shop around.

The world is not a friendly place right now. You might want to tell everyone you are a trans-communist but right now your first focus should be your survival. To survive you will need to keep your ideals to yourself for a while.

Also be wary of anyone who tries to convince you there are magical place where everything is nice. These persons are ideologists and should be ignored until you can ascertain for yourself what is the material reality of the place.

So: TL;DR.

Look for a community first. Don't listen to fairy tales. Look at the actual reality of the place. Talk to people actually living there who are people that are at least, a bit like you. Then find a school and contact them. Then get a student visa or equivalent. Hide what you are as much as you can.

That's going to be your op-sec for now on.

Thanks care friend