DisabledAceSocialist

Thank you!

My migraines have become truly unbearable. A few days ago I got a weird tingly feeling in my crotch. It felt like menthol had been rubbed on it. At first I thought i was having some kind of allergic reaction. After hours the feeling spread down my right leg, then the next day into my right arm and finally into the right side of my face. I finally managed to get seen by a doctor who diagnosed it as a hemiplegic migraine, a migraine that affects one side of the body.

This is my second hemiplegic migraine but i didn't recognise what it was as the first one presented differently. The last one, I felt dizzy and like cold water was being poured down my face and lost the movement in my right hand. I thought I was having another stroke that time and went to hospital but it was a hemiplegic migraine.

anyway this time after the diagnosis I took a migraine med that got rid of the problem... temporarily. Today it's back. My crotch is again tingly and mentholly, it feels horrible and annoying and it's spread into the right side of my face again. The right side of my face is not only numb and tingly but now paralysed. and of course I have a horrible headache that won't go away.

On top of all my other issues, I've had enough. I want to go to dignitas for assisted suicide but where will I get the money? The first thing you have to do is join dignitas which costs almost £300 (for the joining fee and annual membership), at least it would be the first step to making it happen. I've heard that they even give discounts for people on low incomes but you have to join first before they'll even discuss it.

Do you think it's worth asking in mutual aid for someone to pay the joining fee for me? Obviously I wouldn't expect anyone to say that's what it was for - they could just say it was an easter gift or something. I am just so desperate for this to be over. I know earlier on I was relieved my foot surgery is over but these migraines just keep getting worse and worse. I'll never have any relief. On top of the thyroid cancer and the issues from the stroke, the fact that I'm now partially sighted etc it's too much to cope with but the migraines are worse than all the other things put together.

I don't know if it would even be against the rules here to ask for donations towards an assisted suicide. What do you think?

I just wanted to say, thank you so much to the people here who made it possible. Without your help it wouldn't be over and done with now. Life has been hard and miserable for a while now but at least this is one problem crossed off the list.

I never knew just how much walking around outside improved my mental health until I lost the ability. While going through this benefit appeal, cancer treatment and recovering from a stroke, everything has been so hard but being able to walk down to the beach and spend some time outside with my landlady’s little dog each day, made life tolerable. Then I got stuck inside for a while due to my foot surgery, and this other one coming up on Thursday. Being stuck indoors has made life much more frustrating and stressful and given me nothing to look forward to, but at least this had an end date. After recovery from the surgeries I would be able to walk around again. But now I have developed achilles tendonitis. It’s the second time I’ve had it, the first time I was in a plaster cast for 10 days and couldn’t walk properly for months. This time who knows how long it will last. Google says it could take a year to improve, or it might never get better. I’m a lot older and sicker than the first time I had it, at best I could be stuck indoors for a year, at worst, forever. I just feel like this is the final straw. It’s too much on top of everything else. Potentially spending a year stuck inside doing nothing, staring at 4 walls. Getting more frustrated every day. And all for what? It’s not like I’ll even have a good life to look forward to afterwards. I feel like I just don’t even care about anything any more, not even whether or not I win my benefit appeal. I don’t even have a friend in the world to talk to or spend time with in real life, everyone abandoned me when I became disabled. What is the point of even struggling on with this shitty life any more?

I keep wondering why my life turned out to be so hopeless and miserable. Did I do something in a past life and this is my punishment? Is it bad karma? But then karma has never made sense to me. If you murder someone, and karma decides you then need to be murdered to pay for that, it requires someone else to commit murder so you get your karma. The cycle would never end.

Is the New Age idea that we choose our lives before birth true? Do we choose everything that will happen to us in advance so we can learn something from it? Or is that just cope?

Are we just evolved pondslime who mutated into humans by chance and none of this means anything?

Why is life so incredibly awful for so many people?

I think it would be fun to have a dream interpretation section.

I think everyone knows about me and my disability benefit appeal by now, hence needing other people to buy me things. There are some hygiene items and toiletries I really need. If anyone is willing to order them and send them to me, please PM me. I would prefer to receive the items directly rather than accepting cash.

Thanks to everyone who has helped me out in the past and I hope someone can come through on this. And hope you all have a good Easter.