this post was submitted on 03 Jan 2025
477 points (91.8% liked)

Greentext

4751 readers
1125 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 

The fuck?

(page 3) 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I don't know why people are a) taking this even jokingly half serious and b) suggesting all sorts of weird and complex solutions when surely a 22-year could just buy whatever.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

If his mom is doing that, it's likely he doesn't have a job because she won't let him.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

You genuinely believe a 22-year old to be on such a tight leash that they cant' stuff their pockets with a bit of paper anywhere? If if he never has the money to buy a roll of toilet paper, which isn't the most expensive item honestly, he could just walk to a fastfood joint and take some napkins.

Stop buying into the stupidest shit people write, sheesh. You're the type to think reality TV is real, aren't you?

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The fun of this community is pretending the stories are real.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Well to the point that they're somewhat believable or clearly imagined, yeah.

Like all stories.

This just seems like a shit one.

Like the Walking Dead of green text yaknow. Just.... bad.

But I don't judge people who disagree.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Yeah just buy a cruise ship or whatever. Go into debt if you have to.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

A pack of tissues wasn't in double-digit millions last time I checked.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 6 days ago (19 children)

Sorry, I was just memeing. Unless you were playing along, in which case woosh on me.

load more comments (19 replies)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Does uv light actually do that? I thought they had to spray some stuff to make it actually detect fluids.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago

Body fluids can be detected just with a UV light yes.

Watch Gordon do it to a gross hotel https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQ4ZAZJphx4

The stuff youre talking about where forensic scientists spray stuff, they're spraying Luminol to detect trace amounts of blood because it reacts with the iron in the blood traces and makes it luminescent enough for it to be photographed in a darkened room even without UV.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 85 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Jesus fuck man, what kind of plumbing blocks with jizz? I could literally eat prunes and tortillas for a week and still waffle-stomp my turd down a 40mm pipe

[–] [email protected] 40 points 1 week ago (15 children)

Semen is actually fairly similar to egg whites (it can actually be used as a substitute in baking recipes). This means that when it gets hot, it cooks, and basically becomes solid.

The water in a shower is hot enough to cook it, so it can block the pipes. This is also why you should use cold water to wash it out of hair.

[–] [email protected] 46 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (3 children)

The water in a shower is hot enough to cook it, so it can block the pipes.

100% untrue.

While you're right that proteins can caugulate a little, this is a common urban legend that was started with a prank note left in a dorm bathroom many years ago.

https://www.reuters.com/article/fact-check/housing-violation-notice-in-college-bathroom-prank-resurfaces-idUSL1N2MY2GV/

https://deadspin.com/will-semen-destroy-your-shower-drain-1795434004/

"Abraham Morgentaler, an associate professor of urology at Harvard Medical School and the director of Men’s Health Boston, debunked the rumor for us once and for all. In an email to Slate, Morgentaler says that not only is semen never thick enough to clog a drain, but that 20 to 30 minutes after ejaculation, it will become a runny liquid and slide away:"

I can't understand how we got to the point with this that people have written thousands of articles about it and consulted with medical professionals. We really need better education in this country.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You are suggesting OOP should cum in the food?

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (13 replies)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago

waffle-stomp my turd

Bruh 😂

[–] [email protected] 40 points 1 week ago

I think you need to fuck your mom…

[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 week ago (1 children)
  1. Move out.

  2. Has anon never heard of toilet paper and toilets?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 65 points 1 week ago (2 children)

what kind of semen clog the shower drain?

[–] [email protected] 41 points 1 week ago (2 children)

More like "what kind of shower drain is clogged by semen". And indeed, there are some. One at a place I've lived had a filter that had to be cleaned every now and then. No fapping in it was a given, but even some melted soap that re-hardens in it could end up clogging it.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I'm not entirely sure that what you were cleaning was soap. 👀

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 week ago

his mom told him.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 week ago

Use her panties and socks.

[–] [email protected] 53 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago

That's always the answer

[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 week ago (1 children)

i'm smelling some human rights abuses here

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 days ago (1 children)

I don't know how you can smell anything over that massive pile of bullshit.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 80 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Face glows when mom turns on the UV.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments
view more: ‹ prev next ›