this post was submitted on 21 Dec 2024
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I tried chatting on some of the recommended apps on Reddit and I can confirm that none of them work.

Which bring me to the following question: How do you find people who are interested in long-term relationships online?

Note: Please don't suggest looking in the real life.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 hours ago
  1. Be the friend you wish to have.
  2. Show people who you are.
  3. Follow up with the best of them.
[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 hours ago

Kink dating apps seem to work well for me. Also rather than swiping on repeats and ladies that aren't my type I block, sounds heartless but its good to have a boundary and stops mainstream dating apps from repeating the same people. personal I avoid woman who in every photo are at a club, wear brands, plastic surgery, essentially they have life styles at odds from mine. Outdoorsy, intelligent seems my type so basically don't shy from setting boundary.

And like most other comments have mentioned, pursue your passion, if thats video game, science fiction or sports, post about it, have discussions and genuinely seek positive interactions.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Beats the fuck out of me. This form of social media always has that trait of disposable conversations, but then again, when you've been alone as long as I have you tend to be crazy enough to convince yourself that your mania is just a new normal and you didn't need anyone to start with.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 day ago

Discord is the only way gang

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 day ago (1 children)

You have to be kinda attractive, I found my wife that way, she messaged me, that's how we met

[–] [email protected] 3 points 23 hours ago

Ah, piss. Glad I threw in the towel early.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I don't know much about how to enter into a relationship online; I know people who have done it, but it's never been something that I've been interested in. However, many of my strongest friendships were made online.

The trick to making friends online is to not set out with the intention of making friends. It's paradoxical, I know. What you should do is just find something that you're interested in, find places online you can talk about them, and try talking about them. Personally I like math, so I met some friends on internet math chatrooms and forums. I like Star Wars, and I made some good friends through talking about Star Wars online.

Many such places also have a casual conversation place attached. In niche communities where you (a) are already engaging with people with a common interest and (b) there's few enough people that you will see names and faces regularly, but enough people that the conversation never dies down, eventually you'll become a known quantity and make friends.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

Probably the best answer here. I've seen a 10+ year relationship start on World of Warcraft, so anything is possible.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago

My wife and I met on Craigslist of all things. I read something she wrote, popped her a note, she wrote back, one thing led to another and here we are married for 14 years now...

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago

Apps can definitely work. I met my wife on Tinder, and i know two friends of mine who used Bumble specifically to find friends after moving to a new city, which worked and they now have an active friend group there.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago

I met my girlfriend on two different apps actually. The first time it died out but we still thought about each other. So when we found each other 2 years later we decided to try again. The thing that worked for us was to call each other, when we did that we were stuck

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 day ago

I'm in the divorce process and in many ways I'm terrified of reaching the point where I am past the grief and feeling a need to fill that void.

We met over ten years ago because I posted a personals ad on a local r4r titled "Creepy guy seeks woman way out of his league". Everything seems 5000x more gamified now.

I'm somewhat awkward, so I'm a lot more comfortable putting off phone or video for a few days. With that said, I really want to avoid the shame and frustration that comes with taking a full hour to realize I've been treating a chatbot like a real human being.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

I can confirm that apps work. Half of my relationships as an adult are from online dating.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

What are the other half from?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 23 hours ago* (last edited 23 hours ago)

Just meeting people? Like, human interaction. Clubs (I’ve led some volunteer groups), random events, etc. Just not at work.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago

Shared experiences help with longer term relationships. I regret I'm not focusing on the finding part but more of identifying how to hold onto it. I think the shared experiences matter more than how you find the people.

I've done this specifically by playing a video game, joining a clan, and joining the discord. I focused on who I clicked with most and spent time with them. I also think making some effort to meet IRL helps after a while. Having a game or a hobby in common isn't really enough because it can be very thin. If you don't care about any IRL things then force other shared experiences that are tangential to what brought you together. That helps me too.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)

You can confirm none of them work? They can work. Sometimes you have to give it time. I met my wife on tinder. The thing is it takes a while. I didn't meet the love of my life on there after a single day or week. I was on the app for a couple years. It's hit or miss and takes learning.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago

Yup, I had the same thought. I met my partner of 5 years on okcupid, but it also took me years of messages/dates/flings before we found each other. Dating and finding a good match is complicated and so much of it is purely a numbers game. Online dating apps are just a vehicle to expose you to more/different people. They aren't some binary that either does or does not work.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I just made a great little group of friends in Palia

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