Asklemmy

My sister in law is vegan. She is the most normal person about it I've ever met. She doesn't talk about it unless it comes up in conversation in a normal way.

She doesn't proclaim it, because its part of who she is it isn't the whole of who she is. She also understands that other people's choices are theirs and she doesn't need to convert them, or defend her own position.

When we have family gatherings, we try to accommodate with food offerings, but she says we don't need to and always brings her own food and extra to share. This is important because she's self sufficient and doesn't expect anybody to adjust their life to match her choices. Likewise, between diets and allergies we as a family just always ensure people know what is in what.

These are just simple examples. My point being, I don't think of her as vegan. I think of her as my sister in law. Be a normal person and its all good. If its not, then that's not on you. There are jerk vegans and jerk non-vegans. Don't be a jerk. Don't tolerate jerks in return.

accept the fact that, even if it works for you, not everyone would be willing to switch to that lifestyle. And that's ok!

The same way you be a "good religious person" - don't fucking proselytize. It's your choice, and that's great, but you don't need to force it onto others.

I know a lot o vegans, they are all chill. On their daily life, to be vegan is a a non-issue, for themselves and others.

On social events we generally have some extra options to accommodate them, and that's it.

So, for yourself, you probably need to do some planning ahead to be sure that the place where you are going will have options, or, if the event will be on someone's house, check with the host if they will offer (or if you can bring) something suitable for you.

If you are not trying to force other people to live your lifestyle, guilt-trip them or show yourself as moral superior to others, them you already are a "good vegan".

And, if you want to invite people to be like you, do it by offering/showing tasty animal-free food to your guests as an option.

you don't have to be good, and you don't have to apologize or explain your choices. the vegans who are jerks about it are right. their choices to act in ways which alienate them sometimes are their own. you can do the same or not. thanks for being vegan, either way

Respond to right wing reactionaries who go out of their way to complain about vegans simply with "😇💌Triggered"

There. Now you are the Good Vegan™️

You just do you. I think when people say "bad" they generally mean preachy. That is not most vegans. Just live your life, eat what you want, bring good food to potlucks so that you know you'll have something.

I will add that mentioning it is not preachy, if you get an overreaction it's not you. I am omnivorous and would want someone to tell me before a party or outing so that I don't accidentally invite them to a steakhouse or BBQ joint. I often make vegan food for potlucks just because it's sort of a baseline, most everyone can eat it.

Not by asking non vegans. Vegans are the voice for the voiceless and you're taking part in a boycott that challenge peoples core beliefs. To be a good vegan is to push back and disturb social cohesion which people do not like. I'm not a vegan to make friends, I'm vegan to do the right thing.

Yeah I think "evangelical vegans" or "bad vegans" are a sort of caricature made for comedians and then everyone else to punch down on. Sure annoying vegans exist, and so do annoying meat eating people, but diet isn't necessarily why these people are annoying.

I imagine there's also an element of defensiveness from meat eaters as well. Even reasonably stating "I don't eat meat because of the cruelty in the industry and the negative environmental impacts" is implicitly challenging a meat eater to consider those things, which they likely never have. And being faced with the certainty that the vegan is making that statement (the cruelty of the industry and environmental impacts are objective), the meat eater is possibly going to feel like they are being judged or attacked.

I don't think there are good arguments for eating meat, and I think people get mad at vegans because of the cognitive dissonance. "If eating meat is bad, and I eat meat, then I'm bad. But I'm not bad! They must be bad! They suck!"

Sometimes you see this with other things. Like if someone walks or takes a bike instead of driving for the environment. "If driving is bad for the environment, and I do a lot of driving, I'm doing bad. But I'm a good person! Fuck them for making me feel bad!"

Most people are just large children.

Sometimes people try to justify eating meat. Some reasons are more defensible than others. Someone with severe allergies might have trouble getting nutrition from vegan options. Someone saying "but I enjoy it" is acting like a child.

In short, most people are operating mostly on emotional levels. Facts don't really matter. Feelings drive them. I think this is the root of most of our problems, honestly, that people can't put aside their emotions.

Personally, I try to minimize how much meat I eat, but I'm okay with accepting sometimes I do bad things.

"What makes a "good vegan", and how can I be one?"

huh... not eating/consuming animal-related products?

Yay for you! Nine year vegan here, I remember saying I would never do it either. But now meat and dairy aren't even things I think about, let alone miss.

There is no answer that will please everyone. It's best to treat veganism as a religion, as in an ethical framework that guides your actions. But just like religion, it's not polite to talk about it nor judge others for believing differently. You'll absolutely encounter people who feel comfortable for mocking your beliefs, including friends and family, but the best strategy is to smile and say you'd rather talk about something else. You can't control if others decide to be jerks, but tend your own garden and remember there is no profit in being argumantive back. Eternally change the subject and you'll rarely be accused of being preachy. Unfortunately there are those who take your meat as an inherent judgement of their own, but that is a dilemma they need to fix themselves.

Having said that, I applaud your choice and urge you to get b-12 supplements. A large chunk of the population is deficient anyways and while you adjust there is a good chance you'll miss some of the supplements added to meat products that mostly likely were your primary source.

As someone who deals with lactose intolerance.

Just don't make it a big deal, if you can't eat something, don't eat it. Your needs are important, but other people are equally entitled to their own enjoyment.

I hate vegans who only do it to virtue signal, it is a personal journey keep it that way.

If someone is thoughtful enough to ask about your dietary requirements, they are probably "good people" and won't care about it. They will just make allowances for you.

An anecdote about dietary requirements:
I have a sister in law who cannot eat onions/garlic/leeks etc... she does make a big deal about it, no dishes can have those ingredients when she is around.
Her intolerance is about at bad as mine, she gets bloated and gassy... So not dangerous, just uncomfortable.
It always feels difficult to deal with. My view is, if you want to make potatoes with cream sauce, enjoy it I'll eat something else.

If people ask why you're vegan, focus on the positives of veganism. I say: the food's delicious, I feel healthier, and I like animals.

It frames it as something you benefit from, rather than depriving yourself of something.

Don't superglue yourself to burger king counters while holding a tablet playing a meat grinder video.

Don't follow random people and film them to ridicule them online for buying McDonald's.

Don't steal homeless people's dogs and put them up for adoption.

Don't block traffic.

Don't shame anyone for eating meat and animal products.

Don't block entrances to restaurants that serve animal products. Don't bang on the windows or shine bright lights into the restaurant either.

Don't act like words like bacon, beef, venison, sausage, pork, etc. are slurs or swear words.

Don't hide the fact that a dish has vegan alternatives, that's not going to make someone realize it's Not As Hard Of A Change!!!!! Those alternatives usually have allergens most wouldn't expect if it were name the regular way. Who expects soy or nuts in a hot chocolate or chicken nugget?

Just exist and don't be a dick. Anyone who has a problem with a vegan just existing is an asshole, don't waste time with them. But if the association with Those Vegans™ still sucks, then just say it's your religious belief. But then again if you have the emotional energy, you should denounce and call out the toxic vegans and help destroy the negative impression.

Honestly I don't care what you want to eat. It's your body, you can shove whatever you like into it.

Where vegans become a problem is where they're being evangelical about their beliefs and trying to force their audience to feel the same shock and horror as they feel when contemplating the meat industry. If all I hear from you is restricted to when I offer you food and ask if you have any dietary requirements, and is of the form "I'm vegan", that's absolutely fine. If we're friends I'll adjust the menu for you, although you might have to accept it's only your plate that gets veganified.

You going "eww" and talking about "rotting corpses" or whatever is where it becomes a problem. If I've asked, obviously I've brought your response upon myself but you should still tone it down for the non-vegans. "I've looked into the meat industry and I didn't like what I saw" would be a good first response; make sure not to release any gory details unless people are really pressing you for that level of detail.

That said, none of this is based on actual experience of offensively evangelical vegans. I've heard they exist but haven't met one yet. I've known some people for quite a while before finding out they're vegan, veggie or whatever.

Don't be preachy, respect other people's opinions. It's simple.

I'm not vegan, but I find it absolutely wild that anyone thinks being kind of annoying sometimes comes anywhere near the level of moral or ethical bankruptcy involved in being complicit in the mass torture of animals for the sake of convenience. Like, okay, yeah, it's not like we have the option of just deciding on behalf of powerful capitalists to just end factory farming. But deciding to at least try not to participate in it by changing your diet is at least something.

Don't worry about being a "good vegan" if that means having to tiptoe around the fact that the rest of us fuel immense suffering both monetarily and through social normalization. You're trying, and that's great.

I have attempted being ovo lacto vegetarian in the past, flexitarian and pescitarian, but never vegan.

My experience is that your motivation for not eating meat is why people care. If you do it for ethical or environmental reasons and not health ones. Then people will feel that you are thinking that you are superior to them.

Health one is the most accepted reason, because it is not an "attack" on someones values. Yes, it is ridiculous that people feel this way.

However it is more work having guests that have special dietary needs, and vegans and vegetarians are choosing it. People with allergies or religious reasons are not.

My experience is that the easiest way to get the most results with the least friction socially is to be a flexitarian. Eat vegetarian / vegan when you are cooking or buying food, and eat the meat and animal products you are served. That reduces your consumption of animal meat and products by 80-95% without the hassle.

I managed to be a flexitarian for 2-3 years, but gave up. Vegetarian I only managed like a month or two.

Also remember B12!

If you have any standards for behaviour in yourself then others will attack you for them. It is called do-gooder derrogation.

Eating and using animals is a cruel and selfish thing that almost all of us were raised to believe is necessary and nice. On some level everyone is aware that you can't root for babe and also condem pigs to the gas chamber to die in screaming agony. That is painful, and many people respond to their own pain by lashing out at others.

No matter what you do there will be people who see it as an attack on their values and identity. Just be vegan in whatever way is comfortable to you.