cats

Open a nearby window just a crack and they'll spy on the neighbors for you. Mine has so much gossip to tell me every afternoon.

Soon.

They disapprove of your desk cable management

You need to unionize.

....the pet snack bakery down the road.

You see nothing!

Box

I took the "I will name him George, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him..." route. Now they know to leave me alone most of the time when I'm busy but will come to me if they need some love. Or they're really hungry.

Befriended him

Your cat is very disappointed by your lacklustre work ethic.

Have you tried offering him drugs? I know a guy who knows a guy that can get you a good deal on that 'nip.

Get him a heated pad he can chill on near your desk. I've found cats are attracted to the waste heat of electronics as much as anything. Make sure it's a good perch so he can still supervise.

Idk if this was an actual ask for help or not. I have a very helpful kitty who loves sleeping on laptop keyboards!

lasers

Calling my supervisor a dirty little pussy is usually a no no, but in this case…

Try reporting this to feline resources.