No Stupid Questions

To all the people here arguing that it's easier to have a family name, especially with children: It's also possible that the husband takes the wife's name. But from anecdotal evidence in my acquaintance, most men are very opposed to this idea. So if the woman wants a family name she has to change her name or have endless fights about it. That's why most women I know did it.

Well, my last name isn't my mom's last name, it's my dad's, and her last name was her dad's, then her husband's. So why do I care, I don't get a matrilineal name anyway.

I hyphenated, because we both had kids when we got married, and it made it easier to deal with the school stuff for my stepkids.

Otherwise, I really just don't care because my family name is my dad's name and it was only my mom's name because she changed hers to his. Not that I didn't care about my dad, was closer to him than my mom. I just mean I don't feel like it means anything.

ETA: as the OP says, though - I really, truly don't understand it when a lady has a cool last name and the man an awful one and they still use his. I used to work at a payroll place and saw this happen over and over, someone would be calling up for us to change their last name from, say, Valiant or DeLeon to Assing, or Fuckler or something . Really, why wouldn't he be the one happy to change in that scenario?

It's pretty helpful for medical emergencies and getting through border police as a family.

I'm actually gonna be taking my girlfriend's last name. Mine sounds hella stupid and is also slang for an unflattering body part, I got bullied a lot for it growing up so I will spare my children and take her last name cause it sounds super fancy and cool.

At least for my ex-fiancée it was about the link between husband and wife, plus tradition. It was basically "I'm married, you see?". Just like a ring.

(We talked a fair bit about this stuff, as back then I was planning to add my maternal surname to my legal name. She was OK taking either surname.)

Pew Research has survey data germane to this question. As it stands, a clear majority (79%) of opposite-sex married women changed their family/last name to their husband's.

But for never-married women, only a third (33%) said they would change their name to their spouse's family name. 24% of never-married women were unsure whether they would or wouldn't change their name upon marriage.

From this data, I would conclude that while the trend of taking the husband's last name is fairly entrenched right now, the public's attitude are changing and we might expect the popularity of this to diminish over time. The detailed breakdown by demographic shows that the practice was less common (73%) in the 18-49 age group than in the 50+ age group (85%).

However, some caveats: the survey questions did not inquire into whether the never-married women intended on ever getting married; it simply asked "if you were to get married...". So if marriage as a form of cohabitation becomes less popular in the future, then the change-your-family-name trend could be in sharper decline than this data would suggest.

Alternatively, the data could reflect differences between married and never-married women. Perhaps never-married women -- by virtue of not being married yet -- answered "would not change name" because they did not yet know what their future spouse's name is. No option for "it depends on his name" was offered by the survey. Never-married women may also more-strongly consider the paperwork burden -- USA specific -- for changing one's name.

So does this help answer your question? Eh, only somewhat. Younger age and left-leaning seem to be factors, but that's a far cry from cause-and-effect. Given how gradual the trend is changing, it's more likely that the practice is mostly cultural. If so, then the answer to "why is cultural practice XYZ a thing?" is always "because it is".

My husband and I were not married when our kids were born. I wanted to have the same name as my kids So I gave them my maiden name. I never really liked that name and I wasn't particularly close to my dad, so when my husband and I got married, we all changed our names to his.

Two short answers: Tradition and simplicity.

If you have different names, which one do the kids get? Also, it's sometimes challenging to fill in school forms when your kid has a different last name than you.

One other reason I imagine is to establish a single family name, especially with children in mind. I'm not sure it actually works better than a double damily name, but it probably seems so to some.

I think the only correct answer will be "there are lots of different reasons".

My wife took my last name, even though it's not a good one and I suggested that we pick a new one.

Here are a couple of her reasons:

1. She wanted us to have the same surname.

2. She was very close friends with my cousins growing up, so the name didn't seem weird to her.

3. Tradition - she'd always assumed she would change her name to her husband's name, so that seemed the most normal thing to do.

I suspect a lot of women despite not wanting to be considered property, still place value on belonging with their partner. The western tradition of the man being the figurative head of household is still pretty prevalent. These two factors (and more, I'm sure) likely have some influence.