!nostupidquestions is a community dedicated to being helpful and answering each others' questions on various topics.
The rules for posting and commenting, besides the rules defined here for lemmy.world, are as follows:
Rule 1- All posts must be legitimate questions. All post titles must include a question.
All posts must be legitimate questions, and all post titles must include a question. Questions that are joke or trolling questions, memes, song lyrics as title, etc. are not allowed here. See Rule 6 for all exceptions.
Rule 2- Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material.
Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material. You will be warned first, banned second.
Rule 3- Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here.
Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here. Breaking this rule will not get you or your post removed, but it will put you at risk, and possibly in danger.
Rule 4- No self promotion or upvote-farming of any kind.
That's it.
Rule 5- No baiting or sealioning or promoting an agenda.
Questions which, instead of being of an innocuous nature, are specifically intended (based on reports and in the opinion of our crack moderation team) to bait users into ideological wars on charged political topics will be removed and the authors warned - or banned - depending on severity.
Rule 6- Regarding META posts and joke questions.
Provided it is about the community itself, you may post non-question posts using the [META] tag on your post title.
On fridays, you are allowed to post meme and troll questions, on the condition that it's in text format only, and conforms with our other rules. These posts MUST include the [NSQ Friday] tag in their title.
If you post a serious question on friday and are looking only for legitimate answers, then please include the [Serious] tag on your post. Irrelevant replies will then be removed by moderators.
Rule 7- You can't intentionally annoy, mock, or harass other members.
If you intentionally annoy, mock, harass, or discriminate against any individual member, you will be removed.
Likewise, if you are a member, sympathiser or a resemblant of a movement that is known to largely hate, mock, discriminate against, and/or want to take lives of a group of people, and you were provably vocal about your hate, then you will be banned on sight.
Rule 8- All comments should try to stay relevant to their parent content.
Rule 9- Reposts from other platforms are not allowed.
Let everyone have their own content.
Rule 10- Majority of bots aren't allowed to participate here.
Our breathtaking icon was bestowed upon us by @Cevilia!
The greatest banner of all time: by @TheOneWithTheHair!
Because everyone knows who the mother is through birth and following months/years if they're lucky, and the only connection a father has with his children is a last name.
It's quite reasonable that mums want the same surname as their children so ..
The trouble with that is that between twenty and thirty percent of children, depending on source, call the wrong person 'dad'.
You're seriously wondering why women would want to take Hardcock? Buddy, I hate to be the one one to have to tell you this, I even hate to even type it, but women LOVE Hardcock. It's a fun name. It's fun to say. What woman wouldn't want Hardcock coming out of their mouth? Plus you get to attend the family gatherings on holidays and family reunions. Just a woman, surrounded by Hardcocks. Hardcocks as far as the eye can see!
.........why is everybody giggling?
It's tradition in my country but not mandatory. The archaic government system is also easier to navigate through if a married couple have same the last name. Because it's so common for a wife to take her husband's last name, it immediately raises eyebrows when people claim to be married but have different surnames. In our case, my wife took my last name because she just likes it better than hers. It's neutral and easier to pronounce.
When I get married, I'm thinking hyphenated, with her using her last name first, and vice versa. But last names can be pretty large. Idk how to tackle that.
Now is the lastname Kangaroo, or PussyKangeroo?
Ackshually, its El Kangaroo, the Pussy is silent.
Because most countries have been patriarchal for most of human history. Old habits die hard.
This isn’t a thing in India unless there is a ‘value’ in the surname.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't India also use a system where your marriage is set up 30 years ahead of time while your mom is still pregnant with you?
I'm a fan of the hyphen strategy. I really don't wanna change my last name just cause I fell in love. But hyphenation sounds like a good compromise.
I went from a "normal" western last name that was ethnically coded (like McCoy) to another ethnically coded name (like Nguyen, or - um - Fink).
My options were to keep a common and dull name that I share with people I don't like, get a new one (that I'd need to spell to every customer service representative ever), hyphenate (HELL NO), or make up something new (which would involve a shitstorm among relatives on both sides.)
The only real options were A and B. I was undecided until we were leaving the county courthouse after we were married. He asked me "are you going to change your name?" He didn't care. He thought it was a weird custom and was curious. And I realized - this is an opportunity. It's a relatively easy and socially acceptable way to shed your old name.
I took it.
The new name honestly messes with quite a few people who are meeting me for the first time, and it's interesting to see how they react. I've had people ask straightforward questions (I prefer that - there's an easy and straightforward answer), get half-way through a straight-up racist comment before they stutter to a stop (helps me get to know them), get all the way through a racist comment (again - helpful to know where you stand), or just not comment at all (just fine by me).
I've found that it's not the worst way to get a read on someone.
tldr: part spite, part novelty, part legitimately helpful when your profession means you need to meet strangers and get a quick read on their personality/potential biases/willingness to be straightforward when there's no reason to be weird about it
I took my partner's last name because I like their family more than mine, and I liked the idea of no longer being associated with my family.
But I think most people just want to do what is normal or expected of them, so I would imagine that is why most women change their name. Not doing so would go against the grain, putting them in awkward situations where they have to explain they didn't take the last name.
My partner likes my family more than hers, but has continued to keep her ex-husband's surname because she likes it better than both her childhood one and mine.
........was her ex Hardcock?
My wife didn't and years down the line she says she wish she had. We have to go through more with medical things and such to show we are related and it was like a simple checkbox for her to do it when we got married but to do it now is a major pain in the ass.
I have a coworker whose maiden name is Dykes. She was very happy to change.
My wife took my last name because she had her father’s last name. He abandoned her shortly after birth and never attempted to get in touch with her. He quit jobs to avoid paying support. She did it to remove that last vestige of him from her life. Had she had her mother’s last name we would have hyphenated our names together.
Having the same last name is just an easy way to show togetherness and unity. My wife kept her last name because she earned her MD with it but she's fine going by Mrs. (my last name) in a parental setting.
Yeah but it's easy when both parents already had the same last name 🪕
My wife and I think it is. I took her last name since it meant more to her.
My mother kept her last name. There was never an issue at school etc. I run into more issue now, everyone thinks my uncle (mom’s brother) is my dad because of the last names.
I think each woman has her own reasons (some people actually like traditions) but I have the impression that, globally, women are not the same as what we see online. I think today the taking of a surname does not indicate ownership or property, at least to most modern women (and men).
I don't think any woman thinks like that anymore, or perhaps not many, so the motivations would then also be obviously different.
This conversation is so white and western culture centric. Many cultures have different norms. Centering on this as the normal/accepted route is strange given how international our societies have become.
My friends in Italy have told me that it's not normal to change your surname after marriage. They could be messing with me, though. They're mildly evil.
True, for instance in Québec, Canada, it is illegal for a woman to take her husband name.
To all the people here arguing that it's easier to have a family name, especially with children: It's also possible that the husband takes the wife's name. But from anecdotal evidence in my acquaintance, most men are very opposed to this idea. So if the woman wants a family name she has to change her name or have endless fights about it. That's why most women I know did it.
Having one name is easier for social reasons. Going with the man's name is easier for social reasons.
It all comes down to social pressure to keep the status quo. I even offered to take my wife's last name and she declined and took mine instead.
We had a brief talk where I said I like my name and wouldn’t change it. I also said that while I prefer the tradition of her changing hers, that I understood it’s not really my choice. She did anyway
In Sweden, a couple can choos to have a new last name not related to either.
You can choose another last name when you get married in the US too, but people just don't choose to for the most part. The marriage license name change is a shortcut to a regular name change that can be made through the courts.
Oh didn't know that
Having one name (at least in common, using hyphenation) is easier for legal reasons too. If you have kids, and one parent doesn't share a last name with them, you'll have headaches at school, maybe crossing a border, unless you brought some extra legal documents with, etc.
Well, my last name isn't my mom's last name, it's my dad's, and her last name was her dad's, then her husband's. So why do I care, I don't get a matrilineal name anyway.
I hyphenated, because we both had kids when we got married, and it made it easier to deal with the school stuff for my stepkids.
Otherwise, I really just don't care because my family name is my dad's name and it was only my mom's name because she changed hers to his. Not that I didn't care about my dad, was closer to him than my mom. I just mean I don't feel like it means anything.
ETA: as the OP says, though - I really, truly don't understand it when a lady has a cool last name and the man an awful one and they still use his. I used to work at a payroll place and saw this happen over and over, someone would be calling up for us to change their last name from, say, Valiant or DeLeon to Assing, or Fuckler or something . Really, why wouldn't he be the one happy to change in that scenario?