Yeah, that depends what you mean by small talk. I think you know what you mean, but I'm not sure that we know what you mean.
this post was submitted on 13 Oct 2024
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Imagine having a relationship based on talking about the weather today. I talk about things I enjoy talking about. If I don't have anything to say then quiet is peaceful. 😊
The weird shit in my head is not suitable for public utterance. I can give you engaging statements or appropriate statements, but one statement that is both requires far more effort.
Small talk with strangers, acquaintances, neighbors is draining even when I like those people. Those closest to me do not require appropriate statements, so with them it never feels like small talk.
I wish I knew why small talk is important and why the example in the post is a problem. It would be helpful if someone could explain it.
If you date someone for 2+ years, at that point, you know what their opinions are on all meaningful topics. All there is left to discuss is small talk: how's your day, did you like the TV show, etc.
Unless your both happy sitting in silence, you'll probably drift apart.
Edit: I think the issue a lot of people here have is not small talk itself, its small talk with strangers. Asking a loved one about their day is small talk, but that doesn't diminish its value.
I've been married for 7 years. I do ask my wife how her day was, but that is because I actually care. How can people do this with strangers? Is it just assumed everyone is asking everyone else how their day was even if they don't actually care?
Tbh, I don't know, I don't like chatting to strangers either, but when a stranger asks how my day is, or how the weather is, I assume they don't really care. Which means I can lie to them to wrap it up if I want. The level of care is probably proportional to the closeness? Small talk with partner == important, care a lot, small talk with neighbour == less important, less care, small talk with stranger == not important, no care?
I also care about the "how was your day" convo with my partner, but I consider it small talk as there is usually nothing critically important about it. Its not gonna result in a major financial or life decision 99% of the time.
You need small talk to find the big talk.
Ehm. Yes?
Small talk by definition is useless drivel. I don’t build relationships on that…
personally im a firm believer in the shut the fuck up and be quiet camp.
Who cares if you talk. If you have something to talk about, talk about it, if not, don't it's that simple.
What if I told you: People who hate small talk only have meaningful relationships. It’s the shallow relationships they lack.
This. This exactly. I’m friends with few people, but I’m very good friends with them.
When family/friends asks you how you are doing but don't listen to the answer that really sucks. Or they hear what they expect and make a comment that clearly means they weren't listening. Personally I found that too much of small talk is someone saying or asking something with no intention of listening. Maybe they think they are being polite or some social obligations to talk but I hate it. If I ask "How you doing?" "How's work?" I'm going to listen to your answer. If I make a comment about the weather and you comment back I will listen.
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