If the bartender is flirting with you it's because the rent is due soon and those abusively high student loans ain't gonna pay themselves.
this post was submitted on 28 Sep 2024
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Funny story, so I ended up hooking up with the bartender at my local spot years ago. But was completely unaware.
Went there pretty much every day after work for a beer and dinner or a snack. It was a popular working ppl bar. Pretty much made friends with the whole staff over the years, went to weddings, gave relationship advice, etc. The bartender and I would often sneak to the bathroom to do some blow.
But this whole time I'm like yeah, sure I'm friends with some people here but mostly it's just when I'm here and definitely nothing romantic. One night I ended up closing out, had just broke up with someone, and she insisted I stay while she closed up. Then she was like, you wanna stay at my place? I was like yeah I've had a bit to drink that's really nice she was concerned. So I'm still 100% oblivious, sitting on her bed while she went to grab a beer, until she comes back in just in lingerie and beers. We didn't drink the beers haha.
Daaaaaad, you tell that EVERY Christmas!
Still a better story than HIMYM
Lmao
Hey guys, this guy fucks!
And we support and encourage him for that!
He polls favorably among men who claim to be alphas but routinely slip roofies in girls drinks
They're not roofies, they're Beta Blockers.
I'd take metoprolol slipped into my drink over midazolam any day of the week.
Bro I think that stripper likes me
She's totally giving you the eye. Go for it dude!
No bits on tips
J.D. Vance is a festering tumor in a suit. But I really do think Nia was hitting on me the other night.
See also:
- Men who think the barista likes them because they read their name from a cup.
- Men who think they don't need to tip their waitress and instead leave their number instead.
- Men who expect a happy ending when getting a massage and again, don't leave a tip when they're sent away without one.
I spend a lot of time at bars drinking and people watching and guys leaving bartenders their number happens a lot more than I expected. Though I've typically seen them leave yuuuuge tips + their number, as if it impresses the bartender or something.
Is a happy ending on a message like a smiley emoji?
8=m=>~ 🥲 Yes!
Auto correct strikes again :)
Bless your heart
This feels like a statement that's definitely true and only counts as satire because nobody has tested it yet
"Man, she keeps smiling at me. I think she digs me."
"She just wants your tip"
"That's OK. I don't need to go full penetration"
🙄
Anything to keep the hope alive. I know that sentiment well enough.
Once again The Onion not being satire.
Hardtimes, they are a similar site and easily confused with the Onion, but let's give proper credit to the publication.
Tbf, this community is called "The Onion":-P
Yeah, Anyone that follows this community would probably recognize my username because I post a lot of these articles… and the sidebar makes it clear this is a community for all sorts of satire sites. But I think it would’ve been better named “satire” rather than “the onion”
Every time I post something here there’s someone in the comments that’s confused about the fact that this sub welcomes content from multiple satire sites and not just The Onion.
There is also The Onion and other satire w/ [email protected]. You could post both here and there - to link them make sure to use the repost feature, in the Lemmy web UI it looks like a double square to the right of the favorite/star icon - and thereby help grow that community on another instance.
Not only would that help the overall goal of not having all posts of one type be in a single location on the Fediverse, but I wonder if those words appearing (of "and other satire w/ layers") may help with understanding for the post in this community as well. Probably not though, bc the only people who tend to read the sidebar are those who actually make posts, while those who comment often do not.:-)
The Onion is to satire sites what Nintendo was to consoles for parents and grandparents of the 80s/90s.
True story: when I'm at my mom's house I'll tell her my Switch is a Nintendo or a Gameboy because explaining what it is is too much of a chore at this point.
Stupid Old Ass Boomers Don’t Know Shit Fam —The Onion
I totally understand the reason why there is confusion, and almost didn't reply because it felt nitpicky. Completely fair.
I feel like we both mentioned facts there - hopefully we added something to the conversation, that there's some nuance wherein it both is but also is not The Onion, depending on which "it" we're talking about:-).