No Stupid Questions

So i started living back with my mom when i was in my late 20s, i lost a 70k job due to bullshit. Then i got back to working hoping to move out..... and..... covid hit..... i was laid off after a year, and i just havent got back to working. I live with my mom who is disabled and in very bad health over conditions i dont know how to spell. Then i got a dui after my old boss died, i wasnt even driving just sitting in the car drunk by a lake. So now i cant drive for another couple years and am finding it hard to work some whete close that i can get a ride that also doesnt make me be around a shit ton of people who i might get sick from and then bring it back to my mother.

No i didnt answer your question, but i tried to outline the why of someone living back with their parents.

Love my family, would hate living with them - just because we are very different people.

In Finland it's very easy to move on your own because the government will basically pay your living costs if you don't have any money. So very few people live with their parents past 20 years.

Mainly the push for a false family narrative called the 'Nuclear Family', which was idolized since the 60s as a pop psych experiment that has obviously failed.

Some claim it was deliberate to prop up the nursing home industry and to force middle class families into poverty by making it less likely they pool their resources.

Some claim it was a marketing move, as 'nuclear family' homes are significantly less happy per capita than homes with 3 generations living under one roof. Happy people buy less shit to make them happy.

Traditionally, being self sufficient enough to move out of your parents house and live on your own was considered a major, basic, and early benchmark of growing up, adulthood, and success. Sort of like taking your first steps, it was just considered a "bare minimum" benchmark.

That impression, the idea of moving out on your own being the bare minimum start to being a successful adult, has not kept up with the modern age and the economy we've grown up in. The idea that anyone should be able to move out on their own came about in an age when a single adult working a basic job full time could afford a house and support a family on their income alone. That just is not even close to the case now, but some societal memes take longer to change than others.

Purely for dumb reasons. If you don't need to escape from them and it makes financial sense go for it and ignore anyone who judges you for it... they're assholes.

Because it used to be a sign that someone was unsuccessful or “lazy”. Now it just means the housing market is absolute dog shit, and people making 200k a year still can’t afford to buy a house near their work.

Multi-generational households have been the most common form of familial living arrangements in human history, so, take that as you will.

I would have but I got caught up in the great recession before I could leave.

then when I finally got enough money to consider looking for a place, I received a very serious medical condition that wiped out finances and seriously affected my working ability. this condition also makes it almost necessary for someone to be around. so unless I hit the powerball or megamillions I'm going to be in my parents house for a while.

It's a disgrace - but only because the system is so messed up. I'm old enough to own my own house but my kids probably never will unless they live with me well into their 30s and save like crazy. My generation and those before me have screwed up the housing market.

Disregarding different societal norms, I find it interesting that some people don't have the intrinsic need to gtfo to a more personal space, be it either nice or shitty parents.

in the US, we value independence - and living with your parents after you're 18 is the polar opposite, or so society would lead you to believe.

My parents suck. If you have to put up with their shit you're definitely a loser.

It isn't anymore. That's dead.

It was, like 25 years ago. Well, maybe 15 years ago.

Pre-2007.

Because back then people were making good money out of college, and they were able to buy a house for themselves. Shit, they didn't even need to go to college. As long as you were working hard before 2007, and you were going to be able to find a down payment on a house as long as you didn't have some kind of financial affliction.

That's not to say that gen X had it easy as compared to those before them, but there's a clear separation.

Millennials tried their hardest not to live at home, just because of the social stigma.

Gen Z is feeling that stigma less. That's why you're probably here questioning why it's even a thing. You're probably Gen Z.

Jen alpha won't see it as strange.

Historical cultural difference between the US and other countries. Although it is less prevalent now, it was expected for a male to be on his own and "leave the nest" as soon as they graduated high school, with college being that transition point if an education was pursued.

The old America where you left home as soon as you could and built your own life with hard work and skill is long gone, but the trope and the expectations are still there.

Now that a) it's impossible to afford rent and it's becoming more common and b) we're transitioning from Boomers (who tended to have a more antagonistic and condescending relationship with their children) to Gen X being the "older generation", I suspect that perception is in the process of changing now-a-days.

But previous generations were expected to nag the shit out of their kids to get a job and/or spouse and a house so the parents could do cruises full time in their retirement or some such. So to a large extent, it was societal pressure and people got the idea that living with your parents was "pathetic" *from their parents.

Somehow this became a cultural thing in the US. In some other countries like in South America it’s perfectly normal for 3-4 generations to live under 1 roof.

My guess is it’s tied to making people spend more money for capitalism. The effect it’s had on families is not very positive. It leads to things like elderly people draining thousands from their savings or family members a month for nursing homes. People have to hire child care when otherwise family members could watch a child. Children grow up with more distance from older relatives. Buying additional homes and cars is way more expensive than sharing them. Additional cable and utility bills. More appliances. More food waste.

If you’re in an East Asian culture, it’s not.

There are bootstraps you haven't appropriately pulled up if you live at home.

The more legitimate reason is that there's a school of thought that you can't become a fully-fledged, independent adult without putting some distance between youself and the folks that raised you. There's a difference between someone who never left home and is content to just stay in the status quo, vs an adult who maybe went to off to college or was away from home for some period of time while working that has had to come back due to challenging circumstances and doesn't plan to stay longer than they need to. Obviously, the stereotype is of the former and not the latter.

Implication is that you're incapable of being self sufficient.

Too broke to move out, your parents still cook for you / do your laundry, can't bring a girl home without your parents hearing you get it on, etc.

Ok this is a super fascinating intersection of American social history

So the first thing you have to always keep in mind when thinking about Americans and their behavior is that the country was founded by people so absurdly religious that the British kicked them out. Then, along with some wealthy land owners, they said "fuck off" right back to the crown, declared "no take-backs", and went on about 100 years of aggressive westward expansion.

If you're not familiar with the phrase "manifest destiny" it's worth looking up. It's fundamental to American society

Fast forward a bit to post-WWII and the economic boom of the time. "The American Dream" - and the promise to our returning soldiers - was owning your own house with a yard, wife, kids, dog, and a car. And given our history, and the return of thousands and thousands of young men from the war, that kinda became the measuring stick of basic success: moving out.

And of course since America is the land of opportunity, if you can't do even that much, you've only got yourself to blame /s

We all know the meme of "striking out on your own" as a symbol of maturity. This is just what happens when "striking out on your own" becomes a cultural identity