I'd go to Iowa and lie about butter.
this post was submitted on 04 Sep 2024
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Asklemmy
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Transmitting radio without a license
Arson.
Nuke the world.
That's not murder; it's a war crime.
I’d torture the shit it out of the parasite sack of shit that is my landlord
It the best day of the year to get rich from the imaginary economy of assets. Set a bot to match the trades of some people who will be insider trading and cash in every year.
I don’t think that is illegal now. As you are technically not an insider
The difference is that on most days people would need to hide their inside trades. One day a year it would all be out in the open because nothing could happen to anyone. It would wreck the economy and collect wealth in the hands of those who already have it, but if you ride the corruption wave you may not end up among the have-nots.
They'd still hide it, exactly so people can't scoop them this way.
This I think is wishful thinking. If they already made the trade and profited, they're not going to care about the people scooping according to what they did. If the followers-on like me overinflate or kill the asset depending on what the cheater did all it would do is damage the economy. If you are in a position of aristocratic privilege such that insider trading is possible for you, destroying the economy is an opportunity to acquire assets at a bargain.
Depends on the trade. If they sell before a stock collapses, that's true. They better do it before all the other insiders do, though - and you better be first too. Like, microseconds quick, if your strategy is just to copy them 1:1. If they're doing something multi-step it becomes a game where they have to be careful to preserve their information advantage, or it becomes worthless.
Go shoplift anything I want. Snack/trinket party!
Banksssss! Rob banks! Then use that money to buy snacks forever!
That'd require planning tho.
if I still had my last dog then walk her without a leash.
Jaywalk then torrent a movie.
It's crazy that you guys in the US can get a ticket for crossing the road
Freedommm!!
As a non-American, everybody jaywalked back in London. You just go with the crowd when there aren't that many cars, so you don't get hit by a car.
Speeding. Oh wait... nevermind.
Crime means breaking the law, correct?
No location is named, so I will assume this refers the laws of physics and reality.
I would:
- expand time so that it lasts a near infinite duration, contained entirely within this day of no crime
- transmute a bunch of the rocks in my apartment into gold
- alter my DNA to include working wings like a bat, a prehensile tail like a monkey, gills like a salamander, enviromental adaptability like a chameleon that's selective so I can hide these enhancements from others
- one more enhancement related to a very specific part of the anatomy of a horse or blue whale, or whatever it is people want these days
- remove all genetic defects of my body, like susceptability to cancer and addictions, grant it full immunity to diseases, put it into a perfect equilibrium with near instantaneous regeneration and longevity and thus allowing my life to last as long as I desire
- create a star from nothing and collapse it in a way that stores all of its energy into a pocket sized battery with perfect functionality and adaptability that is nearly indestructable
- hold hands with two chicks at the same time
It's fun to dream of the impossible.
I would steal a single nuclear icbm and take it to a pizza hut and just leave it there. Just seems like it would cause some interesting conversations.
i imagine the engineering required to get an ICBM to a random pizza hut would be worth a conversation too
I'm a renter, so I'd throw a brick through each window of my property manager's tesla.
I’d go rob the people that made my entire 20’s and 30’s into indentured student loan servitude for exactly the dollar figure they stole from me plus the insane interest that they tacked onto it because they owned politicians who eliminated all avenues that I could’ve used to get out of that contract.
The figure they stole from me: $197,355.49
Quick question: How does it reach this figure?
It was the CitiAssist.
It had to be a private student loan because my parents made slightly over the max to qualify to public loans even though they refused to pay for school. That left me with loans with insane interest rates. Most of what I had to borrow was to cover $150k to pay rent in the college town I lived in while attending school.
Then, Joe Biden wrote the bankruptcy protection bill, making it impossible for students to disburse their student loans in bankruptcy two years after I graduated. They also refused to allow me to consolidate 8 loans which all had monthly payments that were each intentionally calculated as if it was the only loan I had to pay. Then my loans got bought and moved around and are now owned by Trellis. There’s a lot more to it as well. Housing and healthcare plays a HUGE part.
TLDR; hyper-commodification of basic human needs like education, housing, healthcare, and food coupled with legislation that sentences those that can’t pay their feudal lord up front to a lifetime of serfdom. (Not to mention my union wages barely keeping pace with inflation).
I had a loan like this one. Probably a plus loan. For a while the rates for plus loans eclipsed 8% and plus loans accrue interest while you are in school. So if you don’t know what you’re doing, you can take on 4 years of interest before you even start paying. Turns a $20k loan into a $30k loan before you even graduate. Plus loans recapitalize interest whenever they come out of deferral so you actually pay interest on the interest as well. So by the time you pay the loan off that is then $41k in total payments for what was originally a 20k loan
Do this 4 times for each year of undergrad and you’ll have 164000 in total loan payments over your lifetime.
Plus loans are a government backed scam to fuck over poor kids who can’t front the cash for what the federal aid program covers. My base grants were only ~40k over 4 years and my federal unsubsidized and subsidized loans only were ~24k over 4 years.
Meanwhile the prestigious university I was accepted to charged 24k per semester. So I had 64k of aid and low interest loans to pay a tuition of 192k. After my work study added an additional 20k/yr I was still short 48k and poof there the plus loans were to “help” me.
Help myself to around €200,000 worth of now-free iPhones from the warehouse
This is 100% fed posting. I'm not telling you what I got up my sleeve!
the feds cant do anything if its legal though right?
Rob Fort Knox.
Rip the toupee off trumps head and get a good picture.
All that for $0 and a shitty toupee?
It said no murder. 🤷♀️
you still gotta deal with security though remember
But security be off committing their own crimes…
Lol gotem
> Tries to rob a bank
> gets shot
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