this post was submitted on 22 Aug 2024
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[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

One bag of freshly plucked eyeballs from the eyeball fairy.

The eyeball fairy leaves you with 1 lb of spleen's.

They all trade parts to leave you with something. You don't want to know what the pound of flesh fairy leaves...

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

I would watch this Doctor Who episode

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Be careful not to "accidentally" (??) break the femur or the magic fairy will be a bit different.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

A femur? That depends, is it your femur? Or is it a femur you acquired?

In the former, you may be eligible for a lifetime of less-than-poverty wages, for free from a thing called "dys ahh bill eee tee"...

If it's the latter, you can get an all expenses paid trip to the local penetentary! Where you will be given free food, clothing and shelter, possibly for years!

Either way, you may not have to work, ever again... Or maybe you just won't be able to! Who knows!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

But what if it's not a human femur. Like say a goat femur.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago

We're going to need a pricing table here for that. Let me ask Haskill for that.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

About tree fiddy.

Side question: how much do kids get for teeth these days? Has inflation hit the tooth fairy game yet?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

You shut your whore mouth!

.... You'll spoil the joke! C'mon man.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Username checks out though

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

Indeed it does. I noticed that immediately after I posted my comment.

Oh well.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

The tooth fairies in Pathfinder pull out tiny pliers and take your teeth by force, can't wait to throw them at my group

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago

Hostile bone fairy? You mean the Moopsy

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago (2 children)

In Quebec, we had a legend that is thought to be related to "The Bone setter". It's a guy that would crack back your bones or something, and their patients would scream, so people were rightfully scared.

Parents would basically say to their child that if they misbehave, they would call the bone setter.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

Québec? Username checks out. 😅😂

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

Probably makes them fear chiropractors as well. So... ... Win win

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

I didn't realize fairies worked like the American healthcare system, with mouth bones being a super special exception from the rest of the bones

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Eh, tooth fairies are totally unheard of in quite a few countries, but dental school is regarded as medical special ed pretty much worldwide.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)

In America's case they are generally considered healthcare professionals but insurance insists they are covered separately.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

It's the same thing in Canada as well unfortunately.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago

A femur bucks than for a tooth

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Personaly, I prefer the boner fairy

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Wait till you put it under your couch cushion ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 weeks ago

You have discovered the true identity of the sofa king

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago
[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Mom got angry when I kept putting chicken bones under my pillow each night. "Don't incur the wrath of the bone fairy!" she warned!

Anyway, I'm a fae touched warlock now so who's laughing now, Ma.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

Anyway, I'm a fae touched warlock now so who's laughing now, Ma.

In my experience, the answer to this is nearly always "everyone involved in the situation, except for you."

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

I'm sure there's easier ways to pick up Eldritch blast.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Those fairies live in the same universe where the skeletons came at night and the bones are their money and so are the worms?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

Moopsy agrees.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Cash, cash, cash for your bones! Too many bones? Not enough cash? Call Cash Bone! Ribs, skulls, spines, even certain tiny ear bones. The leg bone's connected to the Cash Bone!

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago (1 children)

My brother once slept in with his head under his pillow. He got much for his skull but at what cost...

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

Now we call him totally headless nick

[–] [email protected] 42 points 2 months ago (1 children)

And does it have to be my femur?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Nope! It's doesn't even have to be human.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

brb i have a haul to take from my nearest butcher shop

the bone fairy will be pleased and my bedsheets will smell of rotting flesh

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago
[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

If the bone fairy gave you money for your bones, it's not more than what the tooth fairy gives for teeth otherwise we'd have a totally different tradition going on.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Well, bones are quite a lot bigger compared to teeth so, it's a possibility that you could get more money from a bone fairy.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago

Seeing how bone fairies are more hostile, the bones you place under your pillow will likely end up as protection fees.

Miss a payment and lose a bone.