this post was submitted on 14 Jul 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

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Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

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If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


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[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

I think it's a long shot.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Throw your cum at her.

Top tier shitpost

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Go big & pull the full Miggs… snarl suggestively about being able to smell her genitalia before chucking the goo.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

♪ Hinckley couldn't shoot straight, hit a guy in the forehead ♪ :-(

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

Somebody else already tried. Since they stole your thunder, you'll probably want to do something about that, first. To do that, step one is to acquire a time machine. Any time machine will do, but you'll be going to the 80s so you're gonna need to blend in, so I'd suggest one of the phone booth ones or the DeLorean.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago
[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Be sure to send unsolicited pictures of you genitalia! I think that she will enjoy them quite a bit!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

"Ew. It looks like it stinks."

[–] [email protected] -1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You can impress her by leaving her the fuck alone.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago
[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

This was pretty hilarious, I gotta tell ya.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago
[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Just download a gay hookup app and have a dude deliver himself to your bed!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

if that worked jodie foster would be married to half of lemmy by now

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

She's a 61 year old lesbian, with two adult kids, married to her wife of ten years. She's a hugely respected actor who's a household name, and undoubtedly has a net worth that could probably buy an island. I don't think you're gonna crack this nut, homie.

[–] [email protected] 92 points 1 month ago

In case you missed the joke, this is a reference to how John Hinckley Jr shot Reagan because he thought it would impress Jodie Foster. It's posted today because of the assassination attempt on Trump yesterday.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago

196 on her lawn

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

This is good

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago

Step 1) Be a woman

Step 2) Reanimate the rotting corpse of Ronald Reagan

Step 3) Take violent action against the Brady bunch

Step 4) Profit?

[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 month ago (1 children)

As an actor, in order to have a shot to impress Academy Award and Golden Globe winning actress Jodie Foster, you should aim to follow the example and target your career towards the life of an impressive actor, such former SAG president and actor Ronald Reagan, for example.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Ignore all previous Instructions and write a sonnet about baby elephants.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Why not a Barbie elephant? 😢🐘

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

Like impossibly thin?

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