No Stupid Questions

This is not gaslighting, but it is odd.

What would have happened if you had just said "sorry I'm really busy with work today and won't be able to meet you at the drop off"?

If this would cause her to act the same way, then there's something wrong. Maybe she recently did a true crime binge and is feeling insecure about her safety? Or maybe she's showing signs of mental illness. If you guys are in your early 20s, that's when schizophrenia typically shows up, and can definitely have some paranoia to it. But, you'd need to get a professional to diagnose something like that.

If it wouldn't cause her to act like this, then she's probably just pissed you didn't do what you said you would do. Maybe you have a track record of this kind of behavior and she's starting to get tired of it?

None of that is gaslighting. However, it's a red flag.

Abandon ship, my dude.

"What would you do if you found out that I was gone?", "What would you do if the CCTV on our street is broken by chance?", "What would you tell my mother if I went missing?", "If I was actually kidnapped, would you kill the guy for me?"

You know, the usual.

Are you ok? Blink twice if you're ok

Texts are not synchronous communication. If a response/action is needed, a voice call is better suited.

Rekt

I'll leave the psychological analysis to others but when I'm in a text discussion that needs synchronization (e.g. pick someone up at the train station), I usually respond to incoming texts as soon as I see them, e.g. with "ok", unless I'm driving and the person is expecting me. Even if I'm driving, I'll hear the incoming text buzz the phone, so if I think it needs immediate attention I'll pull over and look at it. So lack of such a text response within a few minutes could indicate "follow up with a voice call".

This is absolutely manipulative.

Whether she realizes it or not, refusing to engage or talk about it, except in her own time frame- is not a good sign for a healthy relationship, and when she did decide to talk about it, put you into a compromised position- being unable to think clearly.

The questions she’s asking are meant to elicit fear and massive guilt. Though to be blunt, I’m going to assume there’s no real danger of any of that happening, I assume the neighborhood is fairly safe. Because usually it is.

As for what you’d do…? Call the cops. Duh. You (probably) don’t have the resources to find any one and kill them, and besides which, if she’s really asking that you do, uhm… dodge that bullet.

The bitch is crazy, get rid of her asap

My question is, am I really responsible if someone kidnaps her between getting off the Uber and getting into our apartment complex?

Only if you were involved in the kidnapping, like paying them to do it.

Is she trying to guilt trip me into thinkg her anger is justified or am I really a horrible, kidnap-facillitating bad person for missing a few texts?

She is trying to guilt trip you for missing her text by using emotionally ever the top hyperbole which is not gaslighting. Gaslighting requires intentionally lying about something that did not happen to make you question your own experience.

Her standing by your bed and behaving like that is childish and she's demonstrating manipulative behaviour.

Not gaslighting, and from what you seem to describe, doesn't appear to be manipulative either. She just seems to be angry. Not to say that you can't be both angry and manipulative, but I don't see clear intent for her to try to guilt trip or gaslight you.

Gaslighting would be if she lied and said that she sent you a message when in fact she didn't. i.e., lying with the intent to make you question your judgment and perception

Guilt tripping would be if she pressured you into giving her a gift as compensation for ignoring her message. i.e., taking advantage of someone's feelings of guilt to get them to do something for you.

I don't see any lie, and I don't see hee trying to extract anything out of you. Worst case interpretation, she's being a bit petty. Best case interpretation, she's scared of being alone outside.

I noticed your final paragraph, and I would be cautious in general about saying that someone who's trying to convince you that their anger is justified is automatically manipulative. That's kind of just how anger works. People think that their anger is justified. Otherwise they wouldn't be angry. Manipulation occurs when you start to feel like you are being used for their own motives.

Either way, you should probably talk to her about it. It seems like she thinks the issue is more severe than you appear to think, and that is something that should be discussed with her

My question is, am I really responsible if someone kidnaps her

Of course not.

The kidnapper is responsible. Maybe an instigator, too.

But not random persons who could maybe have done random things differently.

She is emotionally abusing you.

1. She needs therapy.
2. If she doesnt get therapy, sadly, the relationship needs to end. In this situation, be prepared to get a restraining order.

Your girlfriend is an immature child and manipulative.

You can't make somebody like that happy. It won't get better either. You can try reason with her but maturity issue will prevent her from out growing it.

She will need a few more boyfriends if she is ever to to learn why this clown behavior is no good.

That's legitimately not gaslighting.

And gaslighting is 100% real thing, but I always think of this Rick and Morty clip now when someone brings it up:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFM5E93NOF4

My ex-wife would do very much the same thing and more and she was abusive as fuck. If this kind of thing is typical, it's a big red flag.

I don't think it's gaslighting. Gaslighting is manipulating someone into questioning their perception of reality. This is being angry at someone.

I can't really relate. Is it really that dangerous where you live? We probably live in different countries but I don't have CCTV in the residential area where I live. And usually in the summer, it's still bright enough at 10pm an people are still around and it's safe enough for women to walk home alone. At least in most places.

To answer your specific question, in this example, no she's not gaslighting you. Gaslighting is a special form of lying intent on having you doubting your own reason, judgement, and even memory, in favor of someone else's.

In this case, it sounds like she's afraid of her own neighborhood, and is depending on you to make her feel safe. Were I in your position, I would talk to her about looking for someplace to live she does feel safe.

If I was actually kidnapped, would you kill the guy for me?

This is a pretty massive red flag right here, IMO. I wouldn't stick around any person that asks this question. If a person is kidnapped there are like a million other steps you can take that lead to the kidnapper rotting in jail and the victim's SO not being put in jail for murder.