this post was submitted on 22 Jun 2024
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The Monkey's Paw

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Want to make a wish? Just ask the Monkey’s Paw! No strings attached.*

Just create a post that starts with “I wish ___”. Other users will then grant you the wish, and probably not how you intended.

^(*)^ ^Strings^ ^definitely^ ^attached.^ ^Satisfaction^ ^not^ ^guaranteed.^ ^Wish^ ^will^ ^likely^ ^backfire.^

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

Granted, but you and your bestie still age while the rest of time is frozen.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

This is what meditation does, and some drugs

[–] [email protected] 25 points 4 months ago

Granted.

Time is frozen. And so is the air around you. You can't move.

Earth's rotation is also frozen. What isn't frozen are you and your bestie, who are now suddenly moving at hundreds of mph relative to everything around you.

But since the air around you doesn't move, you are instantly turned into a fine red paste, held in place by the unmoving air, resembling your form for the rest of untime

[–] [email protected] -3 points 4 months ago

You've spent 3 wishes: want to be able to freeze time, want to be able to unfreeze time, and one to travel the world with your bestie. Unfortunately you're not specify The ability for you or those that you chose to act during periods in which time is frozen, therefore you are able to freeze time, and would be able to unfreeze time except that you're stuck functioning in time, and when you stop time your brain doesn't capable of functioning and therefore is incapable of restarting time. Which means the second you activate your first power, neither of the next two wishes will be usable. Ever.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago

You can freeze time and explore with your bestie, but your bestie experiences time normally. You attempt to weekend at Burnie's them about, but because you are actually moving at such an incredible speed, they are ripped apart in a nuclear explosion as they are accelerated to light speed and their atoms split. The resulting nuclear detonation kills yourself and leaves a crater 50 miles wide.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago (1 children)

You can explore the time-frozen world with your bestie, but your bestie becomes frozen when you unfreeze time.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

I like this one, unlike the other suggestions it introduces drama, not just a "you die so fast you'll never even feel it".

[–] [email protected] 27 points 4 months ago (4 children)

You can freeze time and move unhindered by the effects of the freeze, but physics still behaves normally meaning your movements cause incredible friction in the air and a sonic boom across any path you take.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Actually, there wouldn't be a sonic boom. Because time is frozen, even the smallest movement OP takes would accelerate them beyond the speed of light (OP has to move infinitely fast to overcome the infinitely slow passing of time). The result is that OP risks ending the world if they freeze time.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Ye, I've read that page. That's one of my favorite xkcd "what-ifs".

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

Recently he also started making some video narrations

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

In addition, the Earth's sudden stop means that OP's relative velocity is around 220 km/s because of the solar system's orbit around the galactic center. If OP is on the prograde side, they are launched through the air and evaporate before they have a chance to die in the cold of space. If OP is on the retrograde side, they immediately splatter against the planet with a kinetic energy of about 1.5 terajoules (assuming a body mass of 60 kg).

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

if you jump, you'll be stuck in the air until time unfreezes

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago (1 children)

you can't even breathe properly, because the air you exhale compresses in front of you. to breathe fresh air, you have to walk while breathing in. everything seems dark, because the light is frozen too. you begin to feel incredibly hot, because your body barely loses heat to the surroundings any more.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Interestingly, light can't be frozen, it's speed is constant for all observers. Instead it gets redshifted. The end result is effectively the same, since it ends up out of the visible spectrum.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

light can't be frozen

Sir, this is [email protected]