this post was submitted on 17 Jun 2024
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Microblog Memes

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[–] [email protected] 32 points 4 months ago (5 children)

Dude, try ice and lotion first >_<

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago (2 children)

That's why I use tungsten. The superior metal

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Lead is the best, makes everyone truly crazy!

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Every ring I've ever owned that was made out of titanium has shattered. Seems like you could just crack it with a pair of pliers or something.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

Also, the ER probably wouldn't need to resort to cutting a cock ring in the first place. It has no bones, just get some ice packs on it or worst case scenario do a controlled bleed on the distal portion.

[–] [email protected] 48 points 4 months ago (4 children)

I’m not a fan of how casually you used the phrase “controlled bleed”

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago (1 children)

It should never be done casually, I'd let a professional physician handle it if I were you.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago (2 children)
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[–] [email protected] 26 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (4 children)

You know that whole "erection lasting longer than four hours" bit?

Yeah thats how they fix it.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Maybe it depends on the alloy?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago (2 children)

That must be the case but at the same time it makes me wonder why titanium rings aren't made with the shatter resistant alloy, or why it's expensive to get a titanium wedding band that shatters easily but apparently titanium cock rings are common and affordable enough that there's an ER PSB out on it.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago

Titanium camping cutlery definetly doesn't shatter, it bends like steel. But it does scratch easily so maybe your rings used a harder alloy to prevent scratches

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 months ago (2 children)

There actually are reasons you want an alloy to break easily, street signs are designed to do this to minimise vehicle damage in a crash while still providing resistance to halt the vehicle as an example.

As for the cock rings, if you asked the metal shop owner that got commissioned for it, they'll get a thousand yard stare before commenting that it isn't even close to the most "intimate" custom order they've been paid for.

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[–] [email protected] 31 points 4 months ago (20 children)

So it's rubber/silicone only then or is there another metallic option? Asking for me.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Well I think as it relates to fingers, precious metals are fine. Generally soft enough that cutting isn’t an issue.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (4 children)

Who the hell has golden cock ring kind of cash ^and do they want to be friends?^

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago

You get golden cock ring cash by not buying golden cock rings. I think that's from The Millionaire Next Door.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I love that even after millennia of human society and culture, I still regularly run into comments that make me think, "Yeah, that's the first time anyone has ever said that."

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

If the universe is truly infinite and as homogeneous as it appears to be, then an infinite amount of people had already said that, will say that and are saying it right now.

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 months ago

But definitely not the first golden cock ring

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[–] [email protected] 58 points 4 months ago (5 children)

Great. Now I feel guilty about my Father's Day gift.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Don't worry, it's too big for him.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

I got nothing, that was unexpected and good. A yo dad joke is rare.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

It's the gesture that counts, surely

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[–] [email protected] 42 points 4 months ago (1 children)

And they’ll charge you out the ass for it.

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 4 months ago (1 children)

That’s horrifying. At least with finger rings they can use the dental floss trick.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Who says you couldn't do that for cock rings?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 272 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (9 children)

A guy came into the ER with a teacup up his ass.

The doctor asked how it happened.

The doctor said, in the writing where I was reading about this whole event: “What followed was a long and startling story that I immediately regretted asking for.”

[–] [email protected] 22 points 4 months ago (6 children)

Where else would I put my tea bag

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

The implication that not only did he not just put it up there, but that there was a whole boatload of context that neither of them were happy to know of

[–] [email protected] 97 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (4 children)

yeah right, he was probably cleaning the kitchen, slipped and fell on it, just like everyone else.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago

No, it's his friend's magical teacup that goes wherever you command it. This poor victim just wasn't careful with his incredulous utterance when his friend told him about it.

[–] [email protected] 77 points 4 months ago (1 children)

That’s pretty much exactly what he said, he just took a long time to say it, which was what led to the deep, deep regret on the part of the doctor. He was dusting up on a ladder, drinking tea, totally naked, and then he fell, and oh no look what has happened now.

[–] [email protected] 59 points 4 months ago (16 children)

There's a montage from Scrubs where a bunch of people claim "I fell on it" that ends in the last guy shrugging and saying, "I was bored."

I respect the fuck out of the last guy.

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[–] [email protected] 31 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago

How uncultured. When given a gift, you spread your hands and say “thank you.”

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[–] [email protected] 155 points 4 months ago (1 children)

See, this is why it's important to buy teacups with flared bases.

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