At that point, order for her and see what happens.
Off My Chest
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If you want my advice, I didn’t really ask for it per se one get a relationship counselor now. Number two get a financial advisor now.
Both of you need to be going to both of them. This is going to become a problem.
She might be excellent in all of the regards as you said in a comment already. But this is going to become an issue when your bill $10 and hers is 80 and she won’t stop doing it. This sort of situation doesn’t get better. It tends to get worse. It starts with the food and it goes from there.
Because even if you’re only going out once or twice a year newsflash my friend once you’re married, she’s going to be going out with her friends and that bill is going to get big and it’s gonna get big really really fast.
So I would say marriage/relationship counselor, and financial advisor.
Do you have separate accounts? If she pays for her own meal with her own money, nbd. But I’m guessing since you’re planning a future together you’ll also be commingling your finances at some point (if you haven’t already), and with this in mind I urge you to have regular financial planning and check-in sessions with each other to mitigate frustrations over different spending habits.
I didn’t have parents who were great with money, and I don’t naturally have a great head for numbers, so when I got married I had a lot of learning to do. My husband is the complete opposite and stays on top of things much more than I do, but financial spending, saving, and planning are important to be on the same page about. Personally, if I know we’re saving money for a particular project or trip or something, I make much better choices in the moment.
In your specific situation, my advice would be to agree on an amount you want to spend on the outing beforehand so you’re on the same page. This still gives her the option to modify her order to her tastes, she just has parameters to work within. If she completely disregards that agreement, you can always step it up old school with the money-in-an-envelope method, where you can’t fall back on a debit or credit card if you “accidentally” go over (although if I were in your shoes going this route, I’d stash a card on me for emergencies, but make her sweat just enough she feels the burn of her mistake).
The money aspect to this is the least relevant I feel.
Like in my own case if we go out for dinner whether my partners meal costs $20 or $100 doesn't really matter.
What does matter is the cringe. I would just feel so awkward when every other diner order's like "I'll start with the quail eggs and then the crab noodles for my main course" but my partner is like "right, ok, so, does do you have a gluten free option for the crab noodles? ... "
I hate bothering the chefs by asking them to remove things from menu items. I'd rather eat something I don't want than do it.
This would be hell to me.
Doors she do better if she can see the menu before getting to the restaurant?
If expectations were set ahead of time, this sounds like a lot of fun.
Just choose better restaurants that facilitate this type of ordering. You'll both be better off.
Most restaurants do "facilitate" this type of ordering in that they'll allow you to request whatever, but they will charge you for it.
Shoot her the menu for the location on the drive over, and be specific; ‘hon, we don’t have time for pussyfooting around. Go ahead and take the ride over to pick an entree, an appetizer, and a drink.’
Or just order for her, that’ll certainly make things better at home.
Do they at least acknowledge that they have problems with decision paralysis?
Ever tried checking the menu online before going out, and saying you can only go out if your partner picks a single item in advance? Not sure if that would help, though. This sounds like a very difficult situation. Good luck.
lol was that the chilis the three for me for $10.99? Literally when I got to chilis, I’ll get that $11 three for me, and my partner orders the salmon for like twice my meal. Very frustrating, but your situation is on another level... I have no advice other than don’t go through with the marriage if this is one of many, many things she does to induce “gritting of teeth.” Hopefully this is her like one quirk or something…
Hmm, but I bet their salmon meal was healthier. 🤔
Farmed salmon that’s frozen, cooked, frozen, then microwaved. Mmmmm…. Healthy meals at Chili’s.
I feel like this is a discussion you need to actually have with her
You could say this to anyone posting in /c/offmychest
this community is here to kinda vent and figure out what's up before you take that step.
Jesus.
Get out now, dude.
Nah, im just being dramatic, venting. She's literally great in every other aspect, financially speaking. We split rent 50/50, buy groceries separately, both contribute equally to a rainy day cash jar, etc. Etc. It's just that all of that responsibility goes out when she gets to a restaraunt booth. I'm not going to tank 6 years over that, just using the community for what its made for
I think it's time for a very honest conversation and try to get to the root of the issue, in addition to relationship counseling and possibly financial planning.
My partner has a friend like this. We take her to a place we like, because it does have good food..
They then makes an endless series of modifications to a dish the place is known for, until it's utterly indistinguishable, and the back of house crew will be very annoyed. Then they complain that the food wasn't good.
That would drive me insane.
I'm glad your girl is otherwise a great partner, but are you worried other things like this might become evident once you've tied the knot?
Take a swing at her next time
I appreciate the advice, Mr. Connery, but dont know if its the best in the long run
Does she still do this when she's the one paying the bill?
The important question