this post was submitted on 17 May 2024
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Food Crimes - Offenses against nutrition

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Welcome to Food Crimes! This community is here to collect all and any post about cursed food and generally unusual consumables.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago

A crime because they're not using strawberry.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 11 months ago (5 children)

Every day we stray further from jod.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 11 months ago

Choosey mons choose GIF

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago

This is from the only episode of Camp Caribou I remember.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 11 months ago

now sell it for 18 usd in a café

[–] [email protected] 50 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (10 children)

GRAPE-jelly in a squeezy, ketchup-style plastic bottle mixed with plastic bottle peanut butter in a standard-issue IKEA bowl, only then applied between two non-wholegrain, untoasted toasts.

Can someone add a YEAH, a guitar, an eagle and the US-American flag as effects?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Do you toast your pbj bread? Before or after you apply the pbj?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Not op, but absolutely yes. Toast first, apply PB and J while still warm. If you have a toaster oven, stack the bread so the inside stays soft but warm.

Just like witn fried PBJ, you should use less PB than usual, it can get larynx glueingly sticky if you use too much, ask me how I know. Self heimlich is worth knowing.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I'll do this every once in a while, this person hardly used any peanut butter though. Either that or the dye in his jelly is crazy, cuz when I do it it ends up looking like a slightly darker peanut butter. Unless I don't mix it enough? Cuz I like leaving little clumps of jelly. But then yeah, you just dip little bits of bread, or crackers, or if you're as insane as I am you just eat it like a snack.

Know what's REALLY insane though? Mixing cottage cheese and applesauce. That shit is delicious.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I’ve been feeding applesauce and cottage cheese to my toddler and mixed it one day by accident. Surprisingly good.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)

You might want double check and make sure that isn't the lead-tainted applesauce.

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[–] [email protected] 0 points 11 months ago (4 children)

Have you checked how much added shit is in the apple sauce?

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 11 months ago
[–] [email protected] 14 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Smucker's Goober be like...

[–] [email protected] 17 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

Some mechanical engineer went to a lot of effort to make that shit dispense into the jar in a stripey pattern instead of letting it mix.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago (7 children)

Probably an unpopular opinion but jam/jelly seem unnecessary if you’re using a high sugar peanut butter like skippy.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

I did this when Smucker's "Goobers" first came out and my mom wouldn't buy it.

It's just a waste of time; doesn't affect the taste. It is however better than Goobers; it's super weird and almost plastic tasting. They did something to the jelly and use an almost candy-like peanut butter that makes it worse than the cheapest individual PB & J's. Absolutely hated it when I finally got to try it.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Never even considered the possibility of doing this.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago

it actually sounds rather pleasant just not worth the additional effort and dishes

[–] [email protected] 4 points 11 months ago

No, but I should try it. Mix in some bananas or honey.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 11 months ago (6 children)

I put some peanut butter on each slice, to “waterproof” it before applying the jelly. That way, the bread doesn’t get soggy and gross.

That’s as advanced as I get with my PB&J engineering. Forget this mixing nonsense.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago

I do this too, but I make sure one side is just a thin layer and the other side is the actual peanut butter layer.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Just toast the bread a bit

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago (1 children)

toasted PBJ on the griddle

[–] [email protected] 1 points 11 months ago

Deep fried uncrustable

[–] [email protected] 20 points 11 months ago (7 children)

I've found that gets rid of the gentle softness that I'm wanting out of a PBJ.

Grilled peanut butter sandwich is great though, but jelly demands soft and cold.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago (6 children)

I love a grilled PB+Banana. Like a grilled cheese, fried in butter. They're fantastic!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 11 months ago

I'm partial to a peanut butter burger, which also comes with mayonnaise and thin pickles sliced long-ways.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I can't place what is wrong with this precisely, but like, man, something...

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago

Well first of all is grape

[–] [email protected] 16 points 11 months ago (1 children)

My grandma used to mix the PB & J together for me when I was a kid because I didn't like peanut butter. I still kinda like it that way because it reminds me of her.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 11 months ago

That sounds like a completely acceptable reason to me! Grandmas are awesome!

[–] [email protected] 14 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

the real crime is using sugary peanut butter in a PB&J

it's so much better with regular peanut butter, the jelly is already sweet enough. I'm convinced people who use sugary peanut butter in PB&J just want candy.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago

It's true we do.

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[–] [email protected] 113 points 11 months ago (7 children)

It's about what I would expect from the kind of person who buys squeezy jelly.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 11 months ago (14 children)

I buy squeeze jelly because the campus-affiliated market that I have a meal plan for only sells jelly in squeeze bottles. Though it's nice how it saves a spoon, it's a bit of a pain to operate. Especially the grape flavor.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 11 months ago

Shake the everliving shit out of it beforehand. Get all your aggression out. And if it's still being ornery, squeeze from the wide side.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago

What the hell?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 11 months ago

More like a misdemeanor

[–] [email protected] 9 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I like it like this sometimes

[–] [email protected] 1 points 11 months ago

Me too. But that looks like too high of a jelly content to me, but each to his own.

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