this post was submitted on 16 Apr 2024

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What is your opinion? (lemmy.world)

submitted 5 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

I may have a strange definition of marriage that might come from my complete lack of religion. Churches are, after all, mostly in the business of being not okay with the subject of genitalia, which is mostly what has shaped the "institution of marriage."

I would like to have a long-term friend, a non-blood relative I have known for a long time, whose character I can vouch for, someone approximately my age, to hold my power of attorney, as my insurance beneficiary, and stuff like that, and I to them. I need not ever pork this person. I need not live in the same house as this person.

I do not consider myself polyamorous, I'm not particularly interested in swinger wife swap whatever. I tend to prefer having lots of sex with one person. But, in the modern world, partners do come and go. Job opportunities arise (or more frequently jobs evaporate and they have to go back somewhere they can more easily afford) and it's completely insane to ask someone to follow you. Or you just get tired of each other. Legally attaching onesself to your favorite person to fuck does not seem like a viable financial strategy. Look how many people it destroys every year.

Perish the thought of having children.

So, the thing that other people have, where they've picked one human to be a roommate/permanent sexual partner/insurance beneficiary/person whose allowed to shit while you're taking a shower/eventual divorcee? I don't understand wanting this for yourself.

Signed,

A bachelor

[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 months ago

It's kind of weird because I agree a healthy marriage requires a healthy sex life with your partner, but at the same time I don't think a marriage should be built upon the premise of sexual gratification nor be dependent solely on it.

As for Polyamory, though, I don't see it as good or bad in general. Might be better to cohabitate with larger groups as humanity moves forward, but it certainly complicates relationships.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Maybe this is an unpopular opinion but I just don't think polyamory can work. It will never stay or remain balanced between them all, and simply doesn't work long term. Two people is already incredibly difficult on so many emotional and logistic levels, adding a third while also remaining the love and attraction equal is simply not sustainable.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

I am the type of person who cannot separate sexual relationships from romantic relationships. I used to think the same way you about open/poly relationshios and also "friends with benefits". Every time I'd seen one they ended badly with someone, like me, "catching feelings" and someone getting hurt.

However, I recently found out that a couple in my friend group has an open marriage. They attend parties together and very much appear to be a loving couple like any other and, I believe, they are. They just also date and have sex with other people sometimes.

I think it isn't for everyone. I also think that often someone is dissatisfied in a relationship and they think they can make it work with a third or open relationship... and it doesn't work out. But I'm convinced that for some people it absolutely works.

[–] [email protected] -3 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, but mormons

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

Mormons have never been about balancing or mutual respect.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I want my wife to fuck me.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 5 months ago

Woah there buddy. This genie can't make somebody to fall in love with you.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I joke with my spouse that we need to get a wife. With 2 kids there is more than enough work for 3 adults.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I also "joke" about this. This late stage capitalism is killing us

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

My wife and I both work full time. She is in a masters program nights and weekends. We have two elementary school aged kids. We barely get to interact. Another year to go. Fuck I'm tired.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

Keep your head up dawg. Not because something better is coming around the corner, but in a glorious act of defiance.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (3 children)

Shitting on Poly people seems still fashionable.

I think I understand why people hate on them. First, cheaters in monogamous relationships. What people don't realize is that there are cheaters in Poly relationships to. It's actually a ton of extra work making sure everyone and their wishes are respected.

Second, religious fundamentalists. People think of Mormons mostly when thinking of Poly people. Misogyny, religous indoctrination, all the worst shit you can think of. Not all Poly people are religious you know.

Polyamorus people deserve marriage equality. They deserve to love the way they want.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

Hating Mormons for polyamory is like hating Hitler for being vegan.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

I think a lot of people have the experience of dating someone who does not reveal they are poly until it is too “late.” I have a friend who is constantly meeting people and then learning that they already have a boyfriend, which is extremely frustrating.

My ex husband also decided that he wanted to be poly. I was okay with it (I had no interest in pursuing other relationships myself) - but then he decided to throw our marriage away so he could chase legal teens half our age…

The worst part is that you are supposed to feel “compersion” or something. It wasn’t enough to let my husband fuck teenagers, I had to be happy about it. It made me feel absolutely horrible and devastated my self esteem.

The poly lifestyle also sort of encourages you to view relationships as means to an end and disposable. You see this person for your sex needs, this person for your emotional needs and so on. It’s not a lifetime partnership.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

Relationships are a lot of hard work. I don't get where people get the time to do that with multiple partners.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago

Ive seen about 5 open marriage relationships first hand as part of my social circle, and maybe another 10 open dating relationships in the same expanded social circle. All hetero relationships, and I'd say slightly more than half of them were initiate by the woman. All "progressive" / non-religious poly.

This has been about a 15 year period, and every single one of those relationships at this point is over, or on deaths door.

My closest friend at one point was one of those, and I watched him slowly get more and more depressed over 6-8 months before opening up to me about it. He was critical of me passing judgement on poly relationships until I told him "OTHER people are capable of poly relationships. YOU are not." And that's really my only criticism to poly stuff. It is possible to be two well adjusted people participating in a long term mutually consensual polyamorus relationship. But those are about as common as rolling a natural 20 in the sample set of poly relationships. The rest are just headed for the garbage and at least one person in the relationship already knows it.

Real Polyamorus deserve marriage equality and to love the way they want. Most of the others are just virtue signaling and wearing it like a fashion statement, which is why they get made fun of.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Asexual people and relationships exist

Also what does lack of sex have to do with polyamory?

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago

They weren't implying a lack of sexual desire altogether. They were implying someone who was no longer attracted to their spouse but wanted to have sex with other people instead would just call themselves poly instead of getting a divorce...

Like how all those cishet guys go through years of emotional and hormone therapy, multiple surgeries, etc, so they can perv out in the women's restroom by calling themselves trans. Obviously /s

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