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spaf @spaf
Every vendor booth at RSA this year: Powered by world-class Al with a proprietary language model, our product offers unbelievably agile, next-gen threat intelligence-based risk management in the dark net on a quantum containerized blockchain employing breathtakingly advanced data science. Built to be compatible with your SIEM & cloud, its zero-trust architecture is programmed in a memory-safe language with no supply chain to monitor!
Is this human language?
It's bullshitese, specifically.
But is it blazingly fast?
Well, a brick is technically unhackable.
What is this from.
Turbo Encabulator
Whazzat
It's a video of salesmen making fun of incomprehensible jargon by giving a fake presentation filled with nothing but incomprehensible jargon
Ah yes, I love tech jargon overload
Fun fact, the whole thing is actually a science/engineering injoke that’s been going for decades. Look up Turbo Encabulator
Kinda miss VXJunkies now and then. Mostly then though.
At least "fuzzy logic" is now a long dead buzzword.
But my rice cooker uses fuzzy logic to better cook the rice /s
I mean its not totally useless jargon but it made me laugh
fuzzy logic
Can you jog my memory on this? 😊
"We discovered floats"
Maybe.
damn I walked right into it 😂😂
This hits too close...
I would like one security please.
Sorry, the least I can sell you is four on a subscription.
Nice. I'll take two.
its zero-trust architecture is programmed in a memory-safe language with no supply chain to monitor!
this is good.
They're fully vertically integrated from the silicone through the compiler, os, and all software running.
Silicone? I suppose even sex toys need proper security these days.
To be fair smart connected chastity cages did get hacked recently so their owners couldn't get them off.
And some of them did get off on that.
Ah shit, serves me right for posting off the cuff...
Though that is also a thing.
Don't sweat it too much, I think most people struggle with silicon vs silicone. Silicon is the hard stuff used in computer chips, silicone is the soft stuff used in sex toys and boob implants.
A few mnemonic devices that might help you remember which is which:
SiliCON is a semi-CONductor, silicone is not.
(expanded version of the previous) SiliCON is very CONventient when used in computers due to its properties as a semi-CONductor.
Madonna has silly cones.
On the last one, I have no idea if Madonna has breast implants or not, and quite frankly I don't really care. However, I do know that she has/had a fairly infamous outfit that included a cone-shaped bra. As such, the train of thought goes silicone -> silly cone(s) -> Madonna had silly cones -> breasts -> breast implants.
And it comes with a free gogurt!
That's good!
The gogurt is proprietary blockchain.
Thats bad
I mean isn't it the only part that actually makes sense?
The others make sense if you drop the extra extra buzz words. Like quantum. Containers exist, the block chain exists, I wouldn't be surprised if some idiot combined those. Though quantum computing ... is not related to normal computing.
Due to your product not being turnkey I am unable to get management buy-in.
Also no single pane of glass. What is this, amateur hour?
SPoG is dead.
And no ‘single push of a button’, the filthy casuals.
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