No Stupid Questions

Because they want to grow as an individual lol.

We don't do it for the purpose of increasing responsibility. I mean , I didn't, maybe other people do. I just really wanted a couple little mini monsters following me around.

When I was like 30, I was out hiking and I saw some guy with three little kids, the kids were hopping from rock to rock, and the littlest one ran up past the siblings to hold the dad's hand. It was super cute. My parents were kinda uninterested and afk, so I haven't seen a lot of examples of dads just having fun with their kids.

That little family was inspiring, in the sense that it opened my mind to a new way of thinking, but also in the sense of taking in breath, it felt like I had been holding my breath and finally stopped. I realized I didn't necessarily have to be like them, I could use their bad/mediocre parenting as a "what not to do" list, and still do some of the things that they did that were good. I could go hiking with my kids, I could teach them how to build a campsite out of nothing, or how to build a server, or how to put your thumb on the end of a house so it sprays really far.

Sure it's more responsibility but it's also really fun.

And, tbh, all the nice things in life are even nicer if you can share it with people. That goes double for kids, because they don't know how shitty the world is. You just gotta make sure they understand and appreciate the fun stuff and don't get spoiled.

Do you have anything you care about? I take on volunteer tasks for causes I care about. Other people care about family, their workplace, etc. It just seems like you aren't strongly motivated by anything besides personal comfort?

Because you're smart.

Sincerely,

Overworked middle manager

Different concepts of self, maybe, learned from your childhood.

Perhaps you have a limited mindset: suppose you have a happy, productive day of work/effort, and at the end of the day you are tired; on the following day, do you need to rest and rejuvenate because you worked so hard the prior day, or do you work even harder because your efforts from the prior day give you momentum and confidence to keep going?

Another thing to consider is, where do you get your self validation? So, like, were you raised with an internal focus or an external focus? Do you give your best effort and attention working toward your own approval and satisfaction, or do you work toward the approval of others?

As a kid, was it instilled in you that you were inadequate, lacking, or behind your peers in some way? If so, I expect you will spend the rest of your life feeling that way. And when things happen that contradict that, like even when you donate great job on something, if that doesn't match watch was instilled in you, you experience cognitive dissonance, and your brain literally stops you from counting your successess and strengths, because it's uncomfortable to think of yourself as adequate and complete.

Perhaps they value different things in life. Everyone is not the same, what works for you won't work for everyone. There are people who enjoy having responsibility. Having children, being a manager and doing charity work feels fulfilling to them.

Volunteering is incredibly rewarding, even if it adds to my responsibility. Time devoted to a hobby is incredibly rewarding....even if it takes my time.

The reward is worth the sacrifice.

Certainly better use of my time than sitting around watching tv

i got a masters,tried to climb the corporate ladder only to realise,i prefer the quiet life,less responsibility and less stress.

i didn't want to be a corporate high flyer after trying to. some people will never know until they try and some couldn't get out because they went with the flow and got stuck.

i consider to some degree, actively avoiding responsibility as a form of responsibility.

For instance, if you know that you can't be a good parent, then don't. Some people just have different priorities, and if yours are simply enjoying life, then fuck it.

I used to avoid extra responsibilities, and I still don't have kids, and I don't do charity. In the past moving to stressful positions was financially motivated. But my current job as a patient advocate is extremely rewarding to me. It's the first time I felt I had a job that meant something and I am fulfilled by making impact in individual lives. I've had people call me a life-saver, and have had patients shed tears after I was able to help them. Sometimes my job is not so great, and some things are routine and go by thanklessly, but the moments I am able to be a difference motivates me.

This is the first job I've participated and engaged in more than just the basic requirements, because I see what I do and what my colleagues do as meaningful and valuable, beyond making a CEO their paycheck. I go as far in my job to actually reduce GDP I suppose, steering people towards options that are best for them, even if they don't generate direct profits for my company. I feel like a real person here, and that's why I take on more responsibilities. (it also will help me financially in the long run, but that is less of a primary factor for me now)

Because for many people maturing into an adult means taking on and fulfilling responsibilities. It gives many people meaning and satisfaction, often not at the individual moment, but over the course of a life.

Others don't feel that way.

A third category think they don't feel that way, but realize too late that they do.

I think our culture teaches many of us that a good life means excelling and success in all facets of life. If you win everything, surely you would be happy!

IMO the trick is to realize that you have a budget for your attention and energy. Figure out what matters to you, not what you are supposed to care about. Figure out what future you will be glad you did.

For me, this involved leaning into some responsibilities that bring me joy (family, pets, learning for its own sake, hobbies, etc). It meant not putting as much mental energy into things that I’m supposed to be very concerned about because life reasons, but which are neutral to negative on my actual mental state (get into management, focus on learning job-related or money-making things, size of house/cars/yard, etc).

Don’t get me wrong, I love my job and I work with great people. But at the same time, for a couple years now, I’ve spent more time thinking about upgrades to the pond in my back yard than my career development. And I wouldn’t be writing this if I wasn’t better for it.

Standard disclaimer: we are all different. Somebody who gets genuine fulfillment from hammering away at their career is not necessarily a bad thing.

In short, because people have different values and are motivated by different things.

Doing something that aligns with your values can be deeply fulfilling! Faith, charity, community, financial independence, respect etc.

Note that there isn't anything objectively right or wrong about this, or the things that people value, it just is. You might value solitude and rest.

Head to personalvalu.es for examples of values.