original post: https://deadinsi.de/@deing/114567476452775481
saving for hopefully later
this post was submitted on 26 May 2025
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It can have this whenever it wants
Do people genuinely use "it"? I've always thought that to be pretty disparaging.
I'm an any-pronouns enby and I use "it/they" to refer to myself.
How do you feel about other people using "it" to refer to you?
For me, I feel like I'd be uncomfortable using "it" to refer to someone, even if the person was directly requesting that. I always do my best to be mindful of people's preferred pronouns, but "it" feels specifically dehumanizing. If you and I met in person and you asked me to call you "it", I think I'd honestly struggle with that. It's probably because I'm looking at things through a cisnormative lens, but I grew up being told "it" was an insult, so it'd feel like you'd be asking me to bully you.
Edit: I realize I may not be using "cisnormative" correctly. I'm low on caffeine and struggling to think of the right word.
it represents itself as a sneptaur i don't think you have to worry about dehumanizing it
Precisely! I can tell when someone is using a pronoun to be disparaging and when someone is just reacting to their perception. That's part of why any pronouns are fine for me, I think it's more useful to encourage people to gender me reflexively so I can hear how I am perceived directly.
What's weird to me is how many people still insist on their humanity when calling the human species a mixed bag feels a bit too generous.
I'd be delighted, 'cuz it happens so infrequently.
I don't think any less of folks about it, most people just default to he/him pronouns for me based on appearances and a cisheteronormative perspective that slots me in the "boy" category., But those who get to know me tend to agree that "it" is probably most appropriate specifically because it is dehumanizing. I'm not so much a person as I am a force of nature and I've got no shame about it. =D
But those who get to know me tend to agree that "it" is probably most appropriate specifically because it is dehumanizing. I'm not so much a person as I am a force of nature and I've got no shame about it. =D
I fucking love this, thank you for your perspective. :)
There's a YouTuber called Spice8Rack who uses (or used) "it" as a preferred pronoun
"it" when the person doesn't want to referred to as "it": bad, disparaging
"it" when the person requests it/its pronouns: good, appreciative
basically like any other pronoun just rarer
I don't think most pronouns have the first part, unless youre talking about transphobes. And in order for it to have that effect they have to say it like a slur. Hearing a person or animal being called "it" is one of the few times a normal, non-slur word gets me into momma bear mode in half a second flat.
But totally agree, ive met a few people who prefer it/its pronouns and they are all pretty great. One of them was otherkin and identified as a bee, which was fun. Great people.
I've been on a few dates with someone that prefers it/its but it's cool with they/them too. Its reason for preferring it/its was that it often felt detached from being gendered or human and liked being a secret third thing lol. I actually opened by telling it that they reminded me of a possum meme I saw on lemmy, and it loved the comparison. It was really cool, I should text them
I kinda get where they're coming from too, I'm agender and couldn't be bothered by what pronouns people apply to me. If it were grammatically possible to not use pronouns at all, I would opt for that. I'm the embodiment of "I have no pronouns, do not refer to me"
If I were to use 'it' for myself, I would feel horrible, so I know where you're coming from, but from experience I do see that's not the case for [it/its] users.
Yes
It's worth to keep in mind that whether something is disparaging or not depends on the intention, and the context. Similar to how, say, "gay" can be used both positively and negatively, for example, "that's so gay".
So why do some people like it/its? You'd need to ask the relevant person, there can be different reasons that are ultimately personal.
But here's one way to think about it: We use 'it' for animals, right? Like if we have a dog, which we love, we often will still say 'it' for it, right? But that doesn't mean we value it less, or somehow objectify it, or treat it like an object. We still acknowledge and respect it as a living breathing feeling being, and yet we may still use 'it' for it. This may be one way people might think of using it/its for themselves, at least!
And also there's something about the vibe of it/its, I dunno, it's hard to describe, but it is kinda growing on me a little bit as well
I don't know a single person who uses "it" for animals. My parents just project their own pronouns onto the animal when they don't know what to call them, and my friends and I spend about 5 minutes trying to figure out the gender expression of This Random Animal We Saw when we are talking about them.
I think plants would be a better candidate, but my friends usually use male pronouns for trees (due to current events) and female pronouns for flowers.
Is this a regional thing? People don't really use she or he for animals here. I live in Europe for reference
Probably doesn't help that 'she' and 'dog' sound very similar in my language
Might be a midwest america thing. I have been thinking about this since posting it, and I think i see this the most prominently with hunters talking about "how pretty she is" when drscribing the deer they just killed.
nhh don't like that
Like if we have a dog, which we love, we often will still say 'it' for it, right?
No
Like the great warrior philosopher Wesley Snipes once said, "Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice skate uphill."