this post was submitted on 14 May 2025
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My girlfriend is really close with her siblings and every second week of the month she always has all of them over to have dinner at our apartment so they can get together. It’s a large group of 5 other siblings so it gets loud but it’s all fun and they’re very nice people and we all get along. Her brother is really cool and builds computers for fun and I think that takes a level of knowledge that I don’t really posses so I’m like very happy for people who do things like that and I do see building computer is a hobby because it takes skill determination and a lot of time to do and there’s a healthy component behind I think. I think I see it as a puzzle.

He got upset at me though when we were talking about some computer parts, he was saying how one computer part is running very hot that it burns the cables and breaks the computer and even though this happens he says it’s rare and he still wants one. I asked him how that happens and he said it’s usually because the parts are put under a lot of pressure when they’re being used and sometimes they get really hot and they break and he said it’s usually because of a video game. I laughed a bit and said something like “breaking a computer over an video game lol” but I don’t think he got it and he said “well that’s the whole point of the parts to play video games.”

I laughed a bit but he wasn’t laughing and looked like a said something rude. I apologized for not knowing about the computers and he said it was okay. I told him that I only play Mario kart every now and then and that it’s my favorite game because me and my gf play it every now and then and that’s when he said “that’s a good hobby for you both” and I got confused and said “it’s not a hobby just a bit of fun.” He said hobbies are supposed to be fun and that’s why games are hobbies because they take a lot of time and energy. I frankly disagree with this so I told him “people put time and effort in work but work isn’t a hobby” and he got mad again and said “you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I think I upset him over the computer parts so I tried to make it up to him by saying “I think building computers is a hobby and that takes time and effort” but then he said “don’t patronize me I know what you’re doing” so things got really sour. He left the dinner table and went to watch tv.

After driving him home my sister told me that he spent a lot of money like thousands on online card games and that it was a sensitive topic for him. I didn’t mean to offend I really like him but now I feel like he probably thinks I’m some condescending person. Is there any way I can make it up to him?

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (14 children)

Depends on the game tbh. If being a film nerd can be a hobby then I think liking games from an artistic and programming perspective is on the hobby spectrum

But also who really cares it's not a big deal

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 week ago

Gaming pales in comparison to my hobby: gooning

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The under one month accounts are doing some work today

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I don’t like this line of thinking, I have no control over who engages with the post, the community does and I don’t know why so many people are commenting. Someone said a troll group called lemmitors are responsible so take with that what you will

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 week ago

For some people, hobby just means "leisure activity". I don't think burning personal relationships over semantics is particularly productive, but also this is a person who has an unhealthy relationship with his hobby (or leisure activity). You can have an unhealthy relationship with your local theatre group, or carpentry. Games, obviously being designed as skinner boxes that have gambling^[legally not gambling], lend themselves to unhealthy relationships (also in many other ways).

There is also the need to be validated. Gamers want their activity to be validated, and saying that their activity isn't a "hobby" or isn't "art" is invalidating. Things can be bad versions of those. I would say, however, that its a "hobby" as much as watching TV is a "hobby". If someone claims that watching TV is more legitimate than playing video games, they're being silly.

He is right in that hobbies are supposed to be fun. If he is only having negative experiences with his hobby (or leisure activity), he should probably choose a different one. Possibly one with a proper community that doesn't revolve around being served people to bully.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 week ago

take the L here mikey

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

The root of the conflict seemed to be semantics about the definition of "hobby". To most people a hobby is simply whatever you like to do in your free time for fun, and seems to be his definition. If you're worried there's tension, I would maybe apologize and clarify you weren't trying to put down what he likes to do. But if you feel another argument would result, I would just let sleeping dogs lie and move on.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

I don't know anything about hearthstone to comment on it but I wouldn't let kids near gacha gambling games designed for exploitation. I knew someone who would borrow money to gamble on gacha. Video games are fine as a hobby otherwise and could sometimes teach you stuff if you pick up certain kinds of games (turing complete, logic world, rocksmith, screeps, wrench, etc). When people say build computers as a hobby, I imagine they are starting off with ben eaters 8 bit course or something like nand2tetris.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Oh he’s not a kid he’s 28

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

cat-confused my bad... I hope he does not have freeze-gamer tendencies. If he is funding it himself then its whatever.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

Huh...

"Hobby" is another one of those English words that I've heard my entire life but am just now realizing that I don't have a formal definition of.

Is there any way I can make it up to him?

Wait until the next get together and see if they remember and are still upset. Maybe it'll just blow over. If it looks like they are still salty about it, when there's a good time, just try to apologize. You can try to explain that playing Mario Kart, for you, is not something that you take all that seriously. You can try to explain that for you, a hobby is something that you dedicate a fair amount of time towards to seriously acheive some level of mastery over.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 week ago (5 children)

To me what separates a hobby from leisure or play is that a hobby is productive. When you create things for pleasure is a hobby. Making games can be a hobby, playing them is play, it's right there in the sentence. Watching a movie is leisure. All of these things are good and cool and should be done by everyone to an extent. But to me a hobby is something like arts n crafts stuff

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Yeah that’s my stance on it as well I’m just illiterate and didn’t think to use the word leisure

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago

Video games are play. Cause they're active but non productive. Leisure is passive entertainment like a movie or play. I am also saying how I feel these words should apply to what so there's a distinction, absolutely no one else goes by these categories cause I literally made them up 10 minutes ago.

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago (2 children)

he spent a lot of money like thousands on online card games and that it was a sensitive topic for him

wtf

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Lol does Hearhstone even heavy enough to demand a GPU that powerful?

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 week ago

Melting my PC so I can experience the riveting experience of Hearthstone.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

I applaud OP for putting the g*mer in his place. The g*mer needs to be repeatedly reminded that his hobby ain't shit and he needs to get over himself. No one who's well-adjusted would care if randos don't give a shit about their hobby or even consider their hobby to be one, but I could see how some dude who's addicted to blowing thousands of bucks on jpeg waifus in some trash gacha game would feel insecure about his gambling addiction. Like just step back for a second. The dude is building a fire hazard all for the sake of playing AAA slop because as even g*mers know, most indies don't require the latest CPU or graphics card, which would cut down on the total wattage of the PC. How pathetic is that?

Her brother is really cool and builds computers for fun and I think that takes a level of knowledge that I don’t really posses so I’m like very happy for people who do things like that and I do see building computer is a hobby because it takes skill determination and a lot of time to do and there’s a healthy component behind I think. I think I see it as a puzzle.

Meh, building computers is just like building Legos after a certain point. Unless he's like purposely choosing a smaller form factor where the physical dimensions of the parts actually matter, it's really not a big deal. It's a bit of an open secret among IT techs that PC g*mers without actual tech backgrounds (ie at least an A+ cert) are not very good with computers.

And ignore the loser L*dditors here trying to make you feel bad. They need to be shown their place (and the door) as well.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Lego building and computer building clunt as hobbies cause you get a finished Lego set or working computer when ur done. Gaming isn't a hobby because it's non productive. It's play. You PLAY video GAMES. So you're playing games through the medium of video. Play is fine. Nothing wrong with play. Not how this guy is doing it but in general I think playing and games of whatever kind are essential experiences for like...most animals. But it ain't a hobby. Hobbies are productive skills you develop because you want to. Games, especially lately are meant to feel like productivity cause you advance within the game and get better at the game but when you've mastered the game, nothing changes. It doesn't become something new, the only things you did were already thought of ahead of time and written in by devs. You didn't actually do anything at all. You played a game.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I still think building computers takes some skill like I wouldn’t know what to do even with a video or guide lol. But I don’t know the lemittors are making me feel bad, also what are they? A group of trolls or something

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

It's really not complicated, you plug in the part to the place it goes and you plug in the right cables and you're set. Gamers just make it seem complicated because they have nothing going on in their lives

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago

Yeah, it's weird you got jumped on so hard here. And building a computer requires a degree of knowing what you're doing. It passes as hobby

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