What if I wanted to cook the chicke through friction, by say inserting an object 3 fingers or so thick in and out of its cavity as fast as athletically possible? ... so um... how long can I keep fucking my chicken?

As your friendly neighborhood person with knowledge about food and cooking, 2 pounds is an absurd weight for an uncooked rotisserie chicken, that is a very small and cooked weight, 4-6 pounds is going to be typical. Also, more importantly, you cannot cook something faster by increasing the temperature past a pretty quick point, meat is an excellent insulator. No slap can cook the inside of a frozen chicken unless the entire chicken disintegrates.

Tbf though, a slap at 3700 mph would absolutely disintegrate the chicken.

No one's going to point out the absurd starting assumption KE=mcT??

Gotta love how everyone forgot about Newton in all this. Enjoy your instantly well-cooked hand, which is also made of meat.

Lord have mercy on folks cooking their chicken to 400 F. Those birds will come out as dry as the sands of the Sahara.

Also at room temperature, the average speed of atoms in the material is at 400 m/s, at least for a gas. That might give you a hint.

But how do you get the chicken back from the stratosphere once you've slapped it that fast?

205°C 😂😂😂

Typical physicist, ignoring enthalpy of phase changes. Starting from 1C defrosted makes a huge difference from 0C as the melting takes up a ton more energy/slaps. Their underslapped chicken would give you salmonella

This is why AI will take all of our jobs. Oh well, as long as we can.

At this point we have to consider the ambient temperature as well, as the chicken will slightly cool between two slaps once it exceeds it

I think they did this on mythbusters

Bro really wanted his chicken well done at 400°F