I either talk to my partner, therapist, or ask online :)
this post was submitted on 21 Apr 2025
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I think many of us have been here before. The first thing to realize is that... you aren't the first and won't be the last. I'm sorry you've had trouble in life. I'm having trouble now too, but different.. and feel there's nobody I can really talk to about it. I have friends who are also having trouble and while we talk, the reality is that all my good wishes and time to time help doesn't solve their problems either. In the end it's up to them.
"Life is a struggle" isn't just an axiom.
The first thing any lonely person can do is really learn to love spending time with themselves. It involves a lot of soul searching, exploring, learning what things in life interest them enough to explore on their own. When you accomplish that, take what you're interested in and go find other people who are interested in it. Two people in the world who might be meant for each other, but just stay at home because they don't want to get out there... will never ever meet.
Life is work. Friends are work. Relationships are work. If you just want to be happy alone and by yourself, guess what? Work.
This is a crossroads in your life, where you get to decide which way to go. It may seem overwhelming, but in the end it starts with one simple thing. What thing in the world makes you happy? If that's nothing, then start with, what thing in the world makes you less sad?
Every house has a foundation. Time to build yours.
Do you have a hobby that you might be interested in that involves meeting up with others? I know for a fact that more than a few good friendships started this way.
I’m not sure :/ I guess I like to draw and paint but I’m not the best at it.
but I’m not the best at it.
Doesn't matter! It's the act of doing it that's beneficial.
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It’s going to sound dismissive, but I don’t go to others. I’ve found in my times of feeling the most alone, the only thing that allowed me to feel different was introspection.
I do absolutely understand the primal desire to be around others for support, but self-sufficiency and finding satisfaction without the help of others was my only way forward.
It wasn’t so much that I needed to change or that I was doing something wrong, but I forced myself to focus on those feelings and try to understand where they were coming from and learned that other things in my life gave me that satisfaction. For me, I make art when I’m feeling the most alone because it allows me to express that feeling.
Another thing that may come across as harsh is that you’re the only one in charge of your own happiness. If you feel like none of your friends are supporting you, it’s up to you to go out and find new people to fill their space.
Friends that are only there for you when you’re feeling good are not friends.
Thanks for this. I do enjoy being alone I do but it’s so hard to distract myself sometimes when I’m alone the motivation isn’t there and I want to bed rot. I spiral in my own thoughts and it’s so hard to channel it out. I have lowkey been feeling like this for so fucking long, it was starting to get better but now it’s just downhill. I’m trying to work through it but I can’t even talk to my own family because they don’t believe in anything mental health wise. I’ve been told to shut up during panic attacks and I never been comforted the way I wanted to. I don’t know how to find new friends, it’s hard. I am 21 and I feel like at this age like everyone has their “set” and not much people go out to make new friends, I could be wrong
On your last point, I moved 5 years ago when I was 28 with no friends or family to speak of outside of online. It’s never too late. My best luck making friends have been in context. In other words, I never went to a place to specifically make friends. I met them all when I was doing other things.
The biggest change for me was joining a kickboxing gym. I’m not an athlete by any stretch, but it allowed me to gain confidence, which I quickly learned is about the most attractive trait you can have.
The only way to get better at meeting new people is to try and fail. Hopefully through some trial and error, you can find an activity you enjoy that happens to involve others rather than trying to go places to meet people.
In the US, 988 has a warm line. They get a bad rap but if you call, wait and ask for the warm line during the day, they will call back within 48 to 72 hours to talk about anything for a half hour. For when you are not in a crisis, but still need to talk. If you ever are, look up crisis numbers in your area.
That's the neat part, no one.
But hey, you're not alone being alone. (Sorry, I kinda like that sentence)
That’s true. Me myself & I i guess