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https://www.amazon.com/Gaslighting-Recognize-Manipulative-Emotionally-People/dp/0738284661/
The fact that you're bothered by the question rules-out your being a ( intrinsic/brain ) psychopath,
but mentally/abuse/culturally induced sociopathy is a thing ( I've some ),
and even that is beside the point.
Please invest in that excellent book & earn becoming ore whole.
_ /\ _
The psychopaths I knew were quite proud of their ability to manipulate people.
If you worry that you may be a psychopath, you’re not one!
You’d have framed this question differently. You’d be putting the blame on the other person
“Why is he/she stupid enough to think I’m gaslighting? Can’t they grow up?”
Something to consider in regards to honesty, is tact.There's no reason to lie, but also no reason to be abrasive. It is something I struggle with myself and how I use words.
An example of tact could be someone has bad breath your response could be: "Your breath smells like shit" or "You could use a mint"
The latter will be much better received than the former but neither are a lie and present the issue. Saying things as definitive I've noticed also comes across as harsh even if you are 100% certain of something. I don't fully grasp communication in that way but I've gotten better once I've recognized it and it has helped my interactions. Perhaps it could aid yours.
I feel of felt something like you (and like someones that commented here). What made me search for help was this fantastic interview with a sociopath, with which I found big big (BIG) correlation: https://youtu.be/bdPMUX8_8Ms (I didn' t remember it was that long, but is worth if you may).
Long story short: it was found that I'm not sociopath, autistic (all questions of mine, subject to exams), but I know I have a different perception of relations. I can go aroung and do like Dyshae (the interviewed person of the video), demonstrating what others expect for good even though I don't feel it like everyone else.
Or I can be myself and, if my lifestyle is healthy for me and others, only live, no need to change how I do or trying to change my feelings. (In my specific case, it is not healthy to me, I have depression and I'm paralyzed by many things, but this would not then be of interest here and, certainly, not more Long Story Short.)
I hope it can be a light for you.
Troll.
As an American, I prefer to be called a Sociopath. Because of the implications for society.
Psychopathy is a popular catch-all term. "Low-empathy" is better, but I think you're just a critical person and most people don't like criticism or self-reflection.
I would suggest that you find a therapist who is experienced with psychopathy and see them. Although a lot of people who are psychopaths do terrible things, not everyone does and empathetic SEEMING behaviors can be learned and be beneficial. It seems like this is bothering you and getting a diagnosis and learning how to read other people's emotions and respond appropriately might help. Even if you aren't actually feeling it, you could put them at ease and fit in better. Radical truth is great and all but little white lies get told for a reason and that's something it might help you to learn.
I'm not an advocate for radical honesty, just not lying. It's not something that I was born with but I was convinced it's the right thing to do by the book "Lying" by Sam Harris.
1000% I feel whenever someone has a connection with me i'm manipulating them, I'm diagnosed bipolar so I overthink things a lot sometimes.
No, mainly because even when I try to manipulate people, I usually don't succeed.
Maybe you’re undiagnosed autistic. Im serious.
Yeah maybe. It's the same as with ADHD; many of the sympoms fit me but most don't.
One of us
One of us
New to lemmy I see. Welcome.
Maybe reflect on how the other person is feeling with your comments and adapt if possible. Sometimes you can't. My SO grandma says racist stuff to me all the time and I just laugh inside. I could debate her but what value is there for me. She's on deaths door anyway. Grandma also used to trash talk mom until my SO said stop it. Those are examples of Just go with the flow or end the behavior that is causing stress.
No. I don't do any of this stuff and it has never occurred to me to do it.
I have these thoughts myself and I find what you describe seem to apply to me as well. I’ve been trying to follow the saying of. Speak only when it’s true, kind, and necessary.
It’s not easy. I fail often.
The undiplomatic straightforwardness you describe makes me think your empathy might be severely limited, which is sometimes looked at as a defining aspect of psychopathy. Have you heard about this guy? It's a great story.
No of course not. If I'm a psychobath I wouldn't worry about it.
i don't because i don't meet the diagnostic criteria for ASPD
as someone who contemplates my seemingly sociopathic demeanor in general. This is something i think about quite a bit from time to time.
Personally, i've sort of disassociated from myself and other people in regards to a lot of socialization. In order to explicitly prevent manipulative tendencies from cropping up. Generally i refer to it as giving other people explicit free will in my interactions. That tends to be through pretty vague non descript statements. Though you have to be careful to still say things that you stand behind as well. It's kind of a thing.
A lot of people would say that's not the correct thing to do. But it is what i do. It makes me feel better about interacting with other people. Also it's sort of a performance art type of thing for me, i can leverage it pretty weirdly to engage in some interesting interactions.
You should sit down with them and talk to them about it, in a mostly one sided manner (you're trying to see how they feel, not convince them of anything) and also bring up your thoughts about yourself. Gauge where they are, see if they have any similar thoughts on their end that are tangential to yours (do they feel like they easily get gaslit, or that they aren't keen on interacting with very "forward" (for lack of a better word) people. It'll give you a perspective into them, and them a perspective into you.
It's because you make them unsure of themselves. Maybe. If they say they feel gaslit around you, because you make them think, maybe remind them "gaslighting" is more convincing them they're crazy, not wrong exactly. This can also seem like gaslighting to that type.
Yeah I absolutely relate to this, but challenging people yo be objective and showing them a new perspective* that is outside of the norm is not gaslighting. Asking someone to question their behavior is not gaslighting. Especially when you are here applying the same reasoning to yourself.
Gaslighting is intentionally making somebody question their perceivable reality with the intent to manipulate for your own gain. I don't think this applies to philosophical questions of morality unless you are contradicting and forcing your beliefs on them through some type of moral absolutism. I also don't think it applies if you convince someone the closed down shop was a hot dog stand and it was actually a Burger stand so long as you were honestly mistaken. If you keep them in the dark intentionally after learning the truth that would probably be though.
It is possible also that your definition of truth is too broad and you need to interject some self doubt, since we've all been wrong before, and maybe in that invitation to discuss both possibilities your approach will be refined.
In line with what others here are saying, I have the same thoughts as you and i got diagnosed with ADHD late, the psychiatrist mentioned I fit multiple criteria for ASD but that ADHD correctly captures most symptoms so we go with that. If possible taking assessments and talking to a profrssional should help cut down on these instances where you assume the worst of yourself.
Some nights I lie awake rewriting the game dialogue options in my head so I can say what I gotta say without making NPCs sad.
So... no.
I feel you. Nothing worse than encountering a new topic of small talk that I hadn't rehearsed for.
A person recently caught me off guard by telling me that their grand-child just had their first birthday. I later had to consult my girlfriend about how I'm supposed to react to that. Apparently I should've congratulated them.. ..for that it's someone else's birthday..? Yeah go figure. This is exactly the kind of thing that makes me feel so outsider in this world.
If that's the case I'm a lousy one.
I feel like it might be better to think about whether your specific words and actions are manipulative than whether you're a psychopath or what your identity is in general. Is that person justified in feeling gaslit? Are you in fact manipulating people or not? That's a question that can be looked at more objectively.