Granted. You get your paid two weeks, no strings attached. Your new job as transmission tower climber has surprisingly decent benefits.
The Monkey's Paw
Want to make a wish? Just ask the Monkey’s Paw! No strings attached.*
Just create a post that starts with “I wish ___”. Other users will then grant you the wish, and probably not how you intended.
^(*)^ ^Strings^ ^definitely^ ^attached.^ ^Satisfaction^ ^not^ ^guaranteed.^ ^Wish^ ^will^ ^likely^ ^backfire.^
Granted you broke your dick in half falling in the shower and have to use your vacation time to recover.
Granted. It’s a paid vacation, meaning you have to pay for it.
Granted, it's bereavement leave. 10 full work days. And your company only offers 2 days paid leave for each death and only for immediate family members. My condolences on your losses.
Granted, it's called gardening leave, and in 2 weeks you will be unemployed. Enjoy searching for jobs on your vacation
If you were a cop, all you'd have to do is shoot somebody.
Granted, it's a staycation since you've contracted COVID.
Your belly distends and you feel a horrible pain. Congratulations, it's a boy! Enjoy your two whole weeks of maternity leave. And don't worry about giving insufficient notice, your employer will just deduct it from your vacation time.
Oh god that's horrific. I love it. Immediate horror and oh god what have I done? Microwave regret available in 30 seconds or less.
Granted, enjoy your two weeks in Gaza
Granted, but you're now a cop that's killed an unarmed black toddler
Dammit, Johnson! I told you to sprinkle some crack on it!
Granted, but it’s a work retreat.
Granted, but the pay is minimum wage and stays that way when you come back.