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I once ghosted a friend of some fifteen years after a friend of nearly twenty years told me he had raped her a few years prior.
I'm not sure I believe it (there was alcohol involved and he's a super kind person, so my suspicion is that she regretted it and saw it as rape because they were both drunk), but I believe she believes it and she is my number one.
Not saying you raped anybody. Just giving an example of a reason.
Definitely not
You know sometimes it has nothing to do with you. Some people's first instinct when things go wrong is to limit the number of people they deal with. Heck I will admit it, I broke up with a girl a long long time ago just because I didn't have the emotional bandwidth to have a girlfriend and deal with everything else.
If someone wants space from you let them have it. Don't creep don't force yourself on them and don't take it personally.
I'm just emotionally detaching from it. He felt that was necessary for him so I fee it necessary to limit my exposure to folks who do that kinda thing. I don't allow people to play tiddlywinks with my emotions and friendship like that so in my way, I'm grateful he finally confirmed his cowardice and flakiness (i know, unemotional, amirite? Work in progress ;)
I would say that there can be many reasons for a persons absence in you life. But in this absence we can also see our own fears.
I am literally slightly ignoring someone whose uncanny birthdy is today. A person from the comments said it. some people reduce their circle when it gets tough. For me, i find it hard to be person right now. Every single day is the make or break of my life. Massive debt, constant house of cards feeling.
I recieved a message, she said it's her birthday. I look at my personal calender, i reply, yes it is, what you want me to do about it.
I was rude. I know that someone really cares and it's her birthday even, why not just be nice?
Then again if someone is willin to force quit a friend just because they are absent is just having trust issues. And as someone who is still my best friend to this day once said. "you don't just throw this away."
I honestly hate when people try to nudge you into recognizing their birthday. Its like "we can't upset the Beavis" and its like, fuck off. If I feel close to you and you're in my program, I'll prolly get around to it assuming you haven't ruined it by soliciting.
People who do that get a wish at 11:59pm lol and next time they do it I stop completely because they got it covered for me so well :) People who obsess about dates like that are an enormous turnoff to me, whether its family or friendz
U took away your own upvote eh ๐
that is always my instinctual reaction too and why i was harsh in my reply to her, however i recognise it is much more complicated than that.
again why someone tries to remind you of their birthday can be because of many reasons. Maybe it is a male, and you are the only person that remembered it last year and accidentally he let fear take a hold of the keyboard. Maybe it is someone that is always used to getting best wishes and let audacity take hold of their keyboard.
It is spoken expectations that sour a relationship, but fulfilling unspoken expectations is a the relationship.
when you expect people to not break contact you might not be compatible with people who expect that they can come and leave.
But it is okay to have different types of expectations for different people.
It is okay to adapt to someone elses unspoken terms somtimes, you will find that many beautifull people can be very hard to communicate with.
Sometime a friendship is built for a very specific time in your life and once that time passes you start to see flaws in your friend.
If you want to preserve this friendship the best thing you can do is recalibrate. Talk about hopes and dreams. Things you like and don't like. Reasons you would pick one thing over another.
It's always good to have friends but maybe if there is something you're missing. Maybe something you have comes easy to you and they are constantly jealous because it's much harder for them. The best types of friends are friends that can tell you anything. First, though, you have to be able to tell them anything.
I don't wanna cause any undue paranoia but it might be worth looking back on anything that might have offended or hurt your friend that you might not have realized.
I once had a friend that was gaslighting me about his attempts to cozy up to my girlfriend / childhood friend and "accidentally" touching her inappropriately after I told him in no uncertain terms that I wasn't comfortable with it and didn't trust him. Eventually, in a drug induced grandiose rant, he admitted my suspicions were correct the whole time, and afterwards he refused to apologize because he didn't believe he did anything wrong. So I ghosted him.
I'm not saying it's likely you did anything that horrible to your friend without knowing, but I am saying my best friend firmly believed he had done nothing wrong and maybe it's worth considering or reconsidering the last month or two of events leading up to him ghosting you.
First thought is some really intense mental health stuff
How so? Please elaborate, altho i recgnize it was a bit emotional. I had a decent sleep and I'm over it sorta
Sometimes whatever it is is just out of your control anyway. Lost a great freind because a now exfriend of mine lied about me to get closer to her and date her. Intially just thought she was going through something. They, shockingly, ended up splitting but honestly I have zero interest in talking to her again if she's willing to believe that type of things about me. Still waiting for my chance to fuck with that guys life though. I'm a petty son of a bitch if you give me the opportunity.
So I'm not trying to judge or talk shit, but I am curious. Why would you choose to live that way? At least in my experience, being petty or spiteful always makes me feel worse. You might be happier if you let it go, especially since you by your own admission you wouldn't be friends again anyway.
Because I have to choose between either having to see him or no longer being friends with basically the only friends I still have. So it's either I have to see his ass or I recluse. Spite is me coping with that, and it feels fine tbh. I don't think about him unless topics like this come up or I have to see him. It's not like it's running my life or anything, I'm just looking for my opportunity.
Ya, I'm sorta over it. The guy expressed constant like "anything you like I'll hate even if i only start after you indicate your liking" and he's honestly someone I wouldn't confide super personal or controversial things in cuz I felt the need to be a bit more polished.
I also expressed i considered him my best even that might not be reciprocated and he never denied or fought that characterization too hard. I just never dreamed he was actually as flaky and delicate as hes demonstrated here so honestly its whateves.
On the plus, he's balding anyway and I won't share the cure with him because he would just hate it and go out of his way to avoid it the moment I shared it since it came from me. I like when people act contrarily towards me to benefit of their own peril and write me off as someone who doesn't have wise or useful insights cuz I read and question
Whenever I "ghost" someone, it's usually because the friendship isn't working for me, or it didn't turn out to be what I thought it was. I put "ghost" in quotes because I don't really block people, I'll just stop initiating and then put the onus on them to maintain the relationship for a bit until I feel better about it.
So far, none of them have really cared enough to pick up the slack, so blocking them wasn't really necessary. Good moves on my part I guess.
Thats not ghosting tho. Ghosting is when you basically shadowban someone from your recognition or communication and do nothing (or worse, blocking them without a way to touch base one last time) to establish why or how to make it up to them if you both consider it worth saving or at bare minimum to clarify what went wrong. Maybe not everyone shares my believe in the value of a friendship exit interview but if I give a shit about them I wouldn't want them to be blind to what screwed it for me.
Thats interesting. Definitely my approach on recognizing birthdays and anniversaries because I strongly believe if you 365 dates to recognize youmre basically gonna be doing that every day and I dont relish that burden
It doesnt matter if they blocked you or not. If theyre not talking to you theyre not talking to you.
Ur so right :( O well
For me it was that my friend just took one too many opportunities to twist a knife in my gut, and I realized he was only pretending to be my friend in order to hurt me.
Can you talk more about that? I dont think thats the case here but you've got me curious?
This sucks, I know. I just responded to a friend's message from two months ago, and I've felt bad about not responding since then. But life happens, and for me at least it had nothing to do about that friends behaviour.
You've given me one iota of hope
As othera have suggested, it could be depression, a decline in mental health, or maybe feelings of betrayal
Nah, we left things on good terms, i honestly feel like there's gotta be some exigent circumstance here
Not getting an answer is an answer. I wouldn't insist on contacting them.
