this post was submitted on 04 Mar 2025
409 points (98.8% liked)

Not The Onion

15879 readers
2461 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago

THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION SPENT EIGHT MILLION DOLLARS MAKING TRANSGENDER MICE!

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago

Created a fake album cover inspired by this!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

but the main ingredient remains the same: a mammoth.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago (2 children)

But no little tiny tusks? No trunk? Lame. Is it so wrong to want a tiny mammoth I can hold in one hand?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Real talk? Yes. Miniaturization of animals does not do good things for their health, in general. The systems of animal bodies are finely tuned by natural selection, and mucking with that is how you get dogs that can't breathe because their nose has been bred into the approximate shape of a squished aluminum can. Homeostasis is easy to throw off long-term when you play around with the square-cube law.

See: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allometry#Physiological_scaling

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

You want a tiny mammoth, I want an aquarium sized whale... Where's the line? How long until there's a game show of duck sized horses or horse sized duck?

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago

The 15ft tall 8,000 pound mouse was last seen rampaging in the downtown area. OK that's what I wanted the article to say.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Why? How about focusing on preventing more extinctions instead of some Jurassic Park bullshit.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

IIRC, the primary reason we're even going with this route is that one of the primary things stabilizing the arctic permafrost was actually the presence of snow-wading megafauna changing the rate of heat dissipation in high-wind tundras. So, they're trying to bring the wooly mammoth back to try to keep more permafrost around.

ETA: Here's the company actually saying this is the primary reason for doing it. Its about restoring the biodiversity loss from humans being an all-around virus for the last 10000 years.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 month ago

We already know how to prevent more extinctions. Better environmental laws, more green spaces, better conservation efforts, less suburban sprawl, etc. You know, things that will never happen.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

We have to experiment with mice before achieving the ultimate goal of laser shooting sharks.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago

This was wise. They had to create the woolly mice so that when they create the woolly mammoths, they can woolly control them.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago

Oh my god I want one so bad

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago

I am skeptical of all articles with "scientists" in the title... but those mice are really cute. 😙

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

This means they’re gonna make wooly elephants and try to make us call them woolly mammoths.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

We spared no expense!

load more comments
view more: next ›