Because the topic is NSFW : How did transition impacted your sex-life ?
this post was submitted on 27 Aug 2023
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That’s a great question!
Transitioning left me with a tiny “dating” pool. Most of my “dates” were with chasers on Grindr or Taimi.
Except for the 2 sexual assaults, I’ve been fine with serving my purpose. After the 2nd rape, though, I gave up on casual encounters and dating in general. I haven’t had an actual relationship with anyone in about 7 years.
I will likely never meet someone who likes me for me. It took me YEARS to accept this difficult truth. It contributes to my depressive episodes all of the time.
I’d rate myself as a 6/10 on a good day. It’s just really hard to find guys that are interested in me beyond the fetish that they see. It’s easier to give up.
What's the weirdest thing that's happened to you since coming out as trans?
Let's find the benchmark for making the questions weird.
That is a great question!
I need to preface this by saying that my entire friend group is Viet.
In Viet culture, male and female roles are explicitly defined. That means that, generally, the girls hang with the girls, and the guys hang with the guys.
The weirdest part is kind of sad. I don’t fit in with the girls because I am not feminine enough, and the guys try to grab my tits as a joke. I don’t belong anywhere.
My best friend, Chi Man is the one that helps me stay grounded to this earth.
Otherwise, it’s the usual contract custodian doesn’t get a good look at me, so they warn me about going into the men’s room at work (where I was specifically told to go )
Those guys sound like assholes and many would consider their behaviour to be sexual harassment/ assault.
Agreed. After I was raped the first time, my outlook on the world changed. This was a guy I met on Grindr, and I was not being safe at all. My big sis tried to warn me, but I just wanted to have fun like the cishet people do. I know SA is a big problem when it comes to casual sex and women. I never thought it would happen to me. That is what we all think.
The pigs never even contacted me after my rape-kit at the hospital.
Everyone, regardless of gender., should be careful out there. Remember that the pigs are not your friends; they exist as protectors of property and straight white people.
Hey sorry I'm late, but thanks for your response to my original question above. I'm sorry such shit things have happened to you but I hope things get better <3
Thank you!
What's the hardest part of being out as trans, other than the obvious transphobes? The subtle stuff most people don't think about, I mean.
For me, the hardest part is trying to figure out where I belong. In Viet culture, at a party, the guys hang with the guys, and the girls with the girls. Even when I put a full face on, I never feel like I am one of the girls. It doesn’t help that everyone knew me before I came out. So I don’t fit in anywhere. It’s lonely. My sister Chi Man tries to help, but I am usually the odd one out. This has been going on for years now, so I have tried to make peace with it. This is a lonely life. With that said, I do not regret my decision to live as the person I am meant to be.
All I need in this life is my son and my best friend. That is enough for me.
Not the OP, but if you are soliciting opinions...
For me it's the fact that nobody really believes us when we talk about our issues or even the things we personally experience. Even well meaning people, even friends, immediately assume that we are exaggerating or imagining things when we talk, or assume they know better about what is or is not harmful to us.
Like the obvious hateful transphobes are one thing. But getting that attitude from people one knows personally is tiring and more than a little scary.
This may not apply to you but I might be able to offer some perspective from the other side here. I've been very close with someone through their 3+ years transitioning. I often had to tell my friend that situation she is complaining about was not transphobic or say "ok so what?"
In the beginning she would receive lots of weird looks, rude comments and misgendering. These would crush her and when she thought she was making good progress these comments would drag her back to square one. I understand how traumatizing that must have been.
But as the transition got more underway and she passed better this was happening less and less but my friend still held those insecurities and kept seeing weird looks and finding "rude" comments in places where they didn't exist. This obviously didn't change how they felt but I think its important for them to understand that this was in their head and can be solved by them being more confident. I gave their examples leeway and only battled on situations where I was very confident but I'm sure there were times I dismissed legitimate complaints.
She's settled now and is living her life normally only rarely getting slapped with a transphobic comment and when that happens can take it in her stride.
I believe that yas girling every complaint is unhealthy and does not promote growth. The people around you need to disagree with you and ground you in reality sometimes. And sometimes trans people's complaint are exaggerated or imagined.
This part may be a hot take but I think even when a trans person did receive a mean comment it can be fine to dismiss their complaints. If they are years into transition and getting upset over someone being mean then they need to find a way to cope better because it's not healthy to let people you don't care about have that kind emotional power over you.
I prefer MacOS overall. Explain to me why I am so wrong!
My rPi is obvs on Debian, but does Plex really count?
Mac on the laptop + Linux on the server = pure heaven.
I can’t because I’m still using my old Mac Pro 2013 with other Apple products.
Your opinion on programmer socks?
Hold up, are we talking about those knee high socks that don’t match with any clothing what-so-ever??
Vim or Emacs?
Vim all the way!!
Are you AVAB (assigned Vim at birth) or are you trans-editor?
Definitely AVAB. I love working through a terminal. One cannot do everything on iTerm2 as one could do on a Debian distro, but it gets pretty close.