this post was submitted on 22 Jan 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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[–] datendefekt@feddit.org 44 points 2 months ago (2 children)

This is a kids pun joke that got lost in translation. Treffen can mean either to meet or to hit (like with a bullet).

Want a funny German joke? Why don't ants go to church? Because they're insects!

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[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 178 points 2 months ago (9 children)

In case people are wondering: it's indeed a german joke.

It's a pun. "meet" and "hit" are using the same word in german

[–] GissaMittJobb@lemmy.ml 63 points 2 months ago (9 children)

Come to think of it, that's a thing in Swedish as well - we could make the pun work there as well:

Två jägare träffades. Båda dog.

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[–] Phen@lemmy.eco.br 15 points 2 months ago

Girl goes to a store and asks: "do you sell pantyhoses?". The salesman replies: "why? Do you have half an ass?"

[–] bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de 80 points 2 months ago (6 children)

To explain the joke, as is tradition in Germany. "To meet" translates to "treffen" in German. Which can also mean "to hit something or somebody".

Once had a multicultural family gathering where we translated the same joke into several languages.

A man knocks at a door. A woman opens and he says: "Hello, my name is Toulouse. I'm here to fuck your daughter." The woman screams: "To what?!?" He answers calmly: "Toulouse."

[–] FiskFisk33@startrek.website 26 points 2 months ago (1 children)

“To meet” translates to “treffen” in German. Which can also mean “to hit something or somebody”.

Join the shooting club, meet new friends.

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[–] rtxn@lemmy.world 198 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (5 children)

Another one from Saxony.

A man drives his car to the junkyard, looking for replacement parts. He greets the owner and asks:
"Windshield wiper for a Trabant?"
The junkyard owner thinks for a moment, then replies:
"Sure, sounds like a fair exchange."

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[–] latenightnoir@lemmy.world 24 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

These two are from Romania, specifically about people from Ardeal (the region encompassing Transylvania) - which means they're aimed at the fact that people from Ardeal are slow (haha, so funny, Southerners...):

  1. John and George were out on the field reaping all day and were heading back to the village. Suddenly, it starts raining fiercely, so they huddle under some walnut trees and decide to spend the night there in case it wouldn't let up.

Later on, while sleeping, George is suddenly woken up by a foul smell. "John," he said softly, "did you fart?"

"No, George, must've been the dog."

"Oh, ok."

A couple of minutes pass, then George suddenly has a realisation: "John, the dog isn't here, though..."

"Oh, don't worry," says John half asleep, "I'm sure it'll turn up eventually."

  1. John, George and Mary were at the bus stop, waiting for the bus. They've been there for half an hour, sitting.

"The bus isn't coming," John says softly.

After a couple of minutes, George replies matter-of-factly: "it'll come, I'm telling you."

A few more minutes pass, then Mary chimes in: "if you two keep arguing, I'm walking home."

[–] AtariDump@lemmy.world 21 points 2 months ago (4 children)

Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

[–] bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de 13 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

💀

Zer ver zwei peanuts walking down der Straße. Von vas assaulted .... peanut.

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[–] rtxn@lemmy.world 97 points 2 months ago (1 children)

In the early 80s, American scientists and engineers produced the smallest precision drill bit ever created. With great pride and fanfare, they sent it to their West German colleagues for study and reproduction.

Just days later, the engineering team received a parcel. In it, a note: "Thank you for letting us test our equipment" and the original drill bit with a hole drilled through its center.

[–] 5ibelius9insterberg@feddit.org 45 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

I know a variant ~~ending~~ of this:

I messed up a bit. They were sending the thinnest wire they could build.

Just days later, the engineering team received their ~~drillbit~~ wire with a note attached: „The description got lost on the way. We didn't know what to do with the rod you sent us, so we cut an internal threading into it. Best regards!“

[–] inlandempire@jlai.lu 30 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

What's yellow, and waiting? Jonathan.

e: i promise it's not racist

[–] Zagorath@aussie.zone 13 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] inlandempire@jlai.lu 42 points 2 months ago (1 children)

In french, Jonathan sounds like 'jaune attend' (yellow waits)

[–] Zagorath@aussie.zone 12 points 2 months ago (2 children)

omg

I was trying to make it work with German

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 17 points 2 months ago (1 children)

yeah, a while ago they tried that in france as well

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[–] rockerface@lemm.ee 35 points 2 months ago

German humour is no laughing matter!

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