I probably need one of these and a box of corn flakes.
this post was submitted on 21 Jan 2025
244 points (98.0% liked)
Lemmy Shitpost
27515 readers
4383 users here now
Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.
Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!
Rules:
1. Be Respectful
Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.
Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.
...
2. No Illegal Content
Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.
That means:
-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals
-No CSA content or Revenge Porn
-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)
...
3. No Spam
Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.
-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.
-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.
-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers
-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.
...
4. No Porn/Explicit
Content
-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.
-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.
...
5. No Enciting Harassment,
Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts
-Do not Brigade other Communities
-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.
-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.
-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.
...
6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.
-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.
-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.
...
If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.
Also check out:
Partnered Communities:
1.Memes
10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)
Reach out to
All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
The fact i was considering this to be real for a Moment tells a lot about americans
Grown ups need this too. Like uh, my friend.
They're also looking to increase child birth. So how's that gonna happen if it's sin. Church is so fucking stupid.
"self-raping child"
*AI powered self-raping child on the blockchain
Dr Kellogg would approve.
That kid is going to develop a bondage fetish
For real. If you've ever woken up face down with your morning wood against the mattress you know this cross isn't helping in the slightest
The velcro around his head is to keep him from self-sucking
When I was about 14 I had a friend whose mom caught him masturbating. She duct taped oven mitts to his hands every night before bed for a week until Sunday, when she took him to their priest. The priest told her, basically, she was crazy. Masturbation is a sin, yada yada Catholic line, but that she could not duct tape her child's hands at night, and because it was a counseling session and not a confessional, he would be required to report her if it continued.
Dude was so fucking messed up, though. Kept up with him on Facebook for a while after j moved, and he ended up doing a lot of SI and then in his mid twenties went full goth and got a shit ton of piercings and tattoos to cover the scars.
because it was a counseling session and not a confessional, he would be required to report her if it continued.
Wtf.........
Priests are technically mandatory reporters for any abuse found out about outside of the confessionals.
I should clarify:
The wtf is multifaceted.
- the fact that the reporting requirement is qualified by the role he was playing
- the fact that he would report her "if she continued"
- the fact that he shared he could report her at all if the first two conditions were met
To the 2nd and 3rd points, I think the mentality is 'bitch be crazy, but maybe she's not stupid enough to do it again'. I've heard of parents doing really fucking stupid shit with seemingly good intentions, and most of them will realize how fucking stupid they are once you metaphorically hit them with a clue by four.
The first is due to archaic rules that allow the confessional booth to be outside of the reporting under the thought that this is just supposed to be between the sinner and god('s representative). It's fucking stupid, but most of Christianity/Catholicism is in my experience.
Squeeze! squeeze! squeeze! all the morning long; I squeezed that sperm till I myself almost melted into it; I squeezed that sperm till a strange sort of insanity came over me; and I found myself unwittingly squeezing my co-laborers’ hands in it, mistaking their hands for the gentle globules. Such an abounding, affectionate, friendly, loving feeling did this avocation beget; that at last I was continually squeezing their hands, and looking up into their eyes sentimentally; as much as to say,—Oh! my dear fellow beings, why should we longer cherish any social acerbities, or know the slightest ill-humor or envy! Come; let us squeeze hands all round; nay, let us all squeeze ourselves into each other; let us squeeze ourselves universally into the very milk and sperm of kindness.
(Herman Melville, Moby Dick)
I could wank in that.
Yeah, velcro ain't stopping any urges.
I'm glad this is clearly a satire website, because people have suggested and performed much much much worse in reality. A certain purveyor of corn flakes comes to mind
Corn flakes...?
Kellogg: The Great American Cum Doctor | BEHIND THE BASTARDS YouTube link
Those corn flakes weren't made to be a good breakfast time meal, friends.
One of their best episodes.
Oh boy, you get to learn about Dr Kellogg with knowing anything about him but the cereal brand! Lucky
"And if the little tikes weeping gets you down, then bundle your purchase with the new Bluey Ball-gag! No more 'nono' touching, and you can still hear Jerry Springer!"
Change the colors a bit and this could be some bondage restraints
Anyone brave enough yet to go to the website?
I did. It's fucking gold...
Very clearly a joke site, but it was a good laugh.
Edit: I think at least some of the comments are real, and that's even more hilarious.
need
What.
The.
Fuck.
It's obviously satire mate
And it's been floating around for at least ten years. So don't worry, little Timmy is safe.
It's for parents more concerned about kids touching themselves than priests touching their kids.
This is actually used to prevent kids from stopping clergy while God groping goes on. The cross makes it a sign from God so it's okay.